Taki Magazine

Apparently “f&ck” has replaced “God” as the most popular word in the English language. Just the other morning, I was getting my latte at the World’s End Starbucks when I overheard two grown men having a row. The men were standing with their respective bicycles on two sides of a lamppost. The man whose bicycle had been scratched by a maladroit man was telling him to “f%ck off.” How eloquent! And what a nice way to start the day, I though to myself. He simply had no sense of decorum (Asshole!) Couldn’t he have thought of something better? Say … “Have a nice day, stumblebum.” But, a statement like this would have required a pause, and, God help us, a thought. Difficult, I know, but not impossible. I am grateful that the two men were arguing over bicycles and not Range Rovers or long-range missiles. But when I witness the monstrous ways humans treat one another, I am curious about why people continually accept ludicrous and cantankerous conventions? 

The standard “f@ck you” carries its weight, no doubt, but it is simply over used, and frankly, I get very offended when I hear it. “F#ck” should be verboten, unless, of course, it’s used in reference to a good f¥ck, a simple fΩck, a f∆ck-wit, or the like. Then I am okay with it. People love “f®ck” because of its versatility. I’ll give them that, but must we be so redundant? I suppose this is no surprise, we love embellishment, especially when we have come up with something clever. Fπck is pretty darn brilliant—and the act itself is nifty, too. But when almost every other word out of a person’s mouth is fck, I wish I were deaf. 

How to express anger and vexation is a lot of what’s at issue with all this “f™cking, f¢ck, f$ckit” business. In reaction to moronic individuals, and my own lack of nerve, I sometimes think up long contemptuous speeches when I’m alone and fantasize about delivering them to guilty parties. I usually manage to let my anger pass before launching into an actual arm-waving diatribe, but not before a hefty internal struggle. Yesterday, for example, I spent a good part of the day in a state of total frustration because I couldn’t get two simple words out of a person I had gone out of my way to help. I did a number of things in support of this person’s project. But once I had finished, not only did the person in question try to get more out of me, he never thanked me. I suppose I’m the chump for expecting such formality. I should have known better, after all, no good deed….  In the end, I managed to restrain my venom. 

Just as we moderns fail at properly expressing anger, we also find it hard to summon grace and gratitude. And this crippling sense of moral outrage the whole situation puts me in is no way to live. One squanders invaluable periods in indignant moods, thinking up ways to school thoughtless and ill-mannered people. It seems a great waste of time better spent mastering English. Furthermore, only a foolish, egomaniacal person would try to bruise an incorrigible soul for a petty triumph. What a nuisance. I only wish there were a simple explanation, and an easier solution. But it’s just so f☺cking hard to express oneself these days!