I fail to see how Hagee’s fawning differs that much from the behavior of Roman Catholic neocons over the last 25 years. He is just tackier. “First Things” and “Crisis” are just as “Christian Zionist” as the Dispensationalists, maybe more so.

John Lukacs argues in his book The New Republic, that many of those considered part of America’s protestant community in reality resemble medieval Catholic peasants.  This would appear to be especially true of those in the South, in particular those in the states that comprised the Confederacy. 

Of course, like many of the worst things about the South, this cultural poison has migrated northward, like kudzu and is devouring much of the landscape.  Many of those who have gone into these new fake protestant “churches” actually don’t consider themselves protestants, but when given a poll form will locate themselves in the “Christian, other” category.  In this last point at least, they are correct, they are not in any significant way historically “protestant.”

Wow.

I guess we can think of Italy like a Rorschach ink-blot test.  Some of us think of Italy and think of wine, women and
song.  Others think of - well whatever “Ultramontane Protestantism” means, but as I haven’t ingested any illegal substances for many years, it makes no sense to me.

don’t forget this lovely gem.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=m8khCJTDD44

Hagee’s belief is a strange one indeed. (*side note: even Muslims call Jesus Messiah)

Also, don’t forget that, less than three months ago, Hagee was practically supporting Huckabee. He’s a self-centered opportunist. That McCain would call such a loathesome individual his “friend” says something about his character.

As usual, Zmirak has it about 99% wrong.  Far from being an anti-semite, Hagee is a philo-semite, to the point of insanity.  He believes, against ALL Christian doctrine, that the Jews have a completely separate covenant with God which exempts them from any guilt, accountability or even relationship, with Jesus Christ. At the same time, according to Hagee, America is commanded by God to support, protect, and defend Israel, or America itself will (deservedly) be destroyed by God Almighty.

This convenient position makes it possible for Hagee to advocate bombing Iran, destroying Syria and basically taking over the entire Middle East as part of America’s obligation to the Chosen People.

** Comment deleted **

Beau Martin, you didn´t get the satire of the story? Wherever you read Vatican, put instead the state of Israel. Is it clear now what is John Zmirak´s REAL message? I am glad to John he puts some Christian based humor into a phenomenon which is otherwise completely devoid of both humor and Christianity.

Re: Beau Martin,

Sigh…

If I needed any more convincing to vote for Obama
this November, this would do it.

McCain is coming wackier and wackier by the day… I
think that I owe it to my country to keep him from
getting his hands on the US nuclear capability.

If you’re not smart enough to recognize satire, you probably shouldn’t be branching out too much further from USA Today.

Peter Ramus,

Yes, what began as a kind of extra-Church “moral ecumenism” in the late 1980s, early 1990s, has blossomed into a latter day ReichsChurch led by the gaseous Richard Neuhaus, the embarrassing Michael Novak and the opportunistic George Weigel. A most penetrating analysis of what lays at the core of their ideological Catholicism can be found both in a number of back articles by David Schindler in the journal Communio, International Catholic Revue and in Schindler’s book length writing. It would be dishonest to single out Oberstgruppenpastor Hagee and his Protestant co-religionists for criticism when house Catholic, Deal Hudson, and stem-cell compromise/Iraq War supporting Neuhaus have used Crisis and FirstThings as such willing vehicles for the Regime. But what I consider particularly sad is the close association so many otherwise accomplished theologians - Edward Oates, most notably - have had and continue to have with these people. I could go on.

John Lowell

John,
Please promise those of us who really enjoy your work,
thatyou won’t get so disgusted by the paleo-porn that
too often mars the comments section of this site, that
you stop contributing. The joyless ideologues and
wackadoos that often comment are not representative of
your large audience, but are proof that loneliness can
breed damaging pathologies.

Keep up the fine work.

hagee is in tight with the lobby.  there’s no way the media will be allowed to cover this.

@Kevin:

“paleo-porn”???

I’ve long thought that perhaps the most important thing that separates us paleos from the “joyless ideologues and
wackadoos” is that we have a sense of humor (as John has proved once again), and they don’t.  Please don’t put them in our camp.

“paleo-porn”

I wonder what that would be like…

I remember the definition of Jewish porn: five minutes
of sex and a half hour of guilt. Is that similar?

Scott,
First of all, where have you been? Time to step up to the keyboard, or are you waiting for the Lent to end?

Secondly, some of the more fevered commenters here, describe themslves as paleo and seem just as warped by ideology as anyone over at Commentary or the New Republic.

Personally, I’ll just cling to Lukacs understanding of
“reactioanary” for purposes of nomenclature.

Adrianna,
Craig Senna can give you a good idea of it’s various
and decidely unappealling dimensions. I don’t see you
enjoying it.

McCain is the anti-Christ.

Hagee allowed his Grilled Texas Bacon Chicken Melt Plate to cool

A sin against both God and man !!!  I can see now he is a false prohet for no man of God would allow such a delicacy to cool.

Herra Konkola,

You note a large “churn” inside of [American] Christianity.  You are correct.  However, this “churn” is only in the direction of Revolution, and anything towards Tradition is an exception to it.

From what I have noticed, converts to Catholicism are the result of marriages.  Converts to “mainline” Protestant denominations (Anglican, Methodist, Presbyterian, etc.) are rare; the vast majority of “conversions” are from some “mainline” Protestant denomination to various “Restorationists”, “evangelicals”, “Pentecostals”, and other assorted non-orthodox Christian sects.

It is not well-reasoned arguments that attract these people (mostly from “mainline” Protestant denominations; Catholics tend to just stop attending Mass, without ever formally “converting” to something else), but their American Revolutionary world-views.  They see the world as corrupt, in a kind of quasi-gnostic way.  The only true path is not through one of the “mainline” Protestant denominations (and NOT the Catholic Faith), but in the Revolutionary, culture denying, progressive “worship” of two wildly different types of so-called “Christian” faiths: Zionist dispensationalism (a la John Hagee), and Self-Help guruism (a la Joel Osteen).  These two men offer us a glimpse of “Protestantism perfected”.

I’m just curious about how many bites it took Hagee to finish off that Grilled Texas Bacon Chicken Melt and if there was any chewing involved. The rest of the article was over my head (thankfully), though the YouTube short of Hagee was riveting. The guy is Jerry Falwell on steroids. You can’t stop watching, and the apocalyptic art work is the best in the business, hands down.

Having grown up with this type of teaching my whole life, I can say that it is all too believable when it has been drummed into your head since you were old enough to imagine yourself burning in hell forever and ever.

It’s time to stop believing and start thinking. Faith based foreign policy is bad for all concerned.

Israelis must be laughing their asses off at people like Hagee, all the while using them as means to an end.

P.S. I was raised Pentecostal, but I just tell people I’m a snakehandler.

You get fewer weird responses like “Can you talk in tongues?”

No, but I can mix up a mean strychnine martini on the rocks.

Thanks, Kevin!

It can get discouraging. It always does lift my spirits, however, when I am attacked here and elsewhere as a “neocon” and condemned by sick neo-Nazis who call for my “children to be ground by the kike boot.” Combine that with the attacks I draw from the actual neoconss, and I know that I’m treading the right balance between two sets of dangerous, murderous extremists.

Wicked good post, Mr. Zmirak. Spot on and funny as hell. Kudos

Might I suggest that we tithe to finance the loading of Pastor Hagee and his congregants on a C5A for an airdrop over the Hindu Kush with a map that says “Vatican to the West”. Arm him enough and perhaps he’ll kill a few Taliban before squirting his spleen out his left ear from toting that flaccid girth of his through the mountains of the Pashtun Tribal Areas.

The End Times approach not because of sin but because the various morons and rubes of this country are bound and determined to share their dysfunction with the wider world. I know there was formaldahyde in those FEMA Trailors dropped off after Katrina but what we have not yet clearly established is the brain-rotting toxin that courses through the waters of some areas of Texas in amounts capable of producing such a staggering number of breeze-brained crusading ninnys.

I’m trying to be nice here but jaysus these people need a catered Jim Jones Koolaid Party.

Peter Ramus is back for more rough and tumble with his hated Papists. His new opening shot (above) offers a splendid example of the Tu Quoque fallacy.

Dispensationalism is the creation of John Nelson Darby, an Establishment Church of Ireland Anglican clergyman in British occupied Ireland in the 19th C, who, as one would image for clergy of this denomination in Ireland, had lots of free time on his hands—time spent cooking up Dispensational nonsense. So we can’t blame this one on Californianity, and certainly not on Dixie.

ALL RIGHT! THAT DOES IT! I’M LEAVING TAKIMAG AND NEVER COMING BACK. HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF WAFFLE HOUSE? WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF ELITIST OR CUMMUNIST OR SOMETHING? ;-)

Me and my son are very found of what we affectionately refer to as “The House.” Seriously, poking fun at the Waffle House is downright un-American. Almost as bad as bad-mouthing Kentucky Fried Chicken. (I refuse to be reconstructed and call it KFC.) In my experience, people who don’t like Waffle House also like soccer and the metric system. What kind of last name is Zmirak anyway?

I have nothing against Waffle House. Every once in a while I also crave a heart attack on a plate.

The name is Austro-Hungarian. Croatian if you must.

Dr. Philipps is right about Waffle House, and I speak as a Yankee.  I was first tempted to try Waffle House because it was mentioned favorably by Walker Percy, and I was not disappointed when I finally had a chance to eat at one, in Percy’s own Covington, Louisiana in fact.

John really got me on this one. Until I began to read the responses, I assumed that the
Reverend Hagee really did believe in some form of Vatican expansionism in addition
to his madhat views on Middle Eastern politics. The reason I believed John’s spoof is not
only that it was well-constructed but also (perhaps more importantly) Hagee is such a
lunatic that he might well have produced the kind of prophecy that is here attributed
to him in jest.

Great satire John,Gore Vidal suggested years ago, that it made as much sense to reconstitute Israel, as to bring back the Papal States.

** Comment Deleted **

In this piece, I was satirizing those who favor a “greater Israel,” which denies any homeland for Palestinians. I support the position of a large plurality of Israelis--a two state solution, with secure borders for Israel, and most if not all of the occupied territories given to a contiguous Palestinian state.

In “Protesting”,...how can there be subjective judgement....and not free will??...or, it is simply the “everyman” a pope, king, president, god application??

If you really want to annoy neocons over this, then make your way over to http://www.spectator.co.uk/melaniephillips/526716/none-so-blind.thtml now.

After Prof. Gottfired confessed to being initially duped, I feel less embarassed about admitting that I too brought this pig in a poke.

Zmirak lost credibility as a Christian when he stated support for Israel as a Jewish state.

When you place bad geostrategic policies above saving souls you will tend to look evil.

The comment on Irish theologian John Nelson Darby reminded me of a startling lesson in geography and perspective. 

Israel is about the same size as the Irish province of Leinster, one of the four provinces. Leinster includes Co Dublin.

Hey, folks, lighten up.  This is pure satire, better suited for the Onion than any kind of serious blog.

I am appalled at the suggestion that I am writing a “serious blog.” In fact, the whole notion strikes me as oxymoronic. Better than oxyimbelic or oxyidiotic, of course.

Seriously, though, in the bad old eugenic days, mildly retarded kids would be labeled “morons,” moderately retarded “imbeciles,” and severely retarded “idiots.” I bet that was really comforting for parents....

i met chaps like this once, when i was a reporter in afghanistan. they later took the name ‘taliban.’

No word on when neocons like Michael Medved are going to demand McCain return the $2300 contribution he got from Hagee like they demanded that Ron Paul do with that $500 one from Don Black.

This is really funny and I hope that a few people in the media to ask about this. I hope the Democrats make a stink over this as well. Maybe McCain, Obama and Clinton can make themselves look so repulsive they’ll all lose.