Why are women in bars? I mean, I know why they’re allowed in bars. It’s the law, but why do they bother? Isn’t it like Gay Marriage? You want the right to do it but you don’t actually want to literally do it. Bars are about poisoning your body and arguing about politics, which, when you get right down to it, … [Read More]

The media has successfully chased Palin out of politics, but that doesn’t mean she won’t become the next president. After the press clobbered Nixon out of a presidential campaign and then out of a California governorship, he told them, “You won’t have Nixon to kick around any more” and swore off politics for good. Seven years later he was president of … [Read More]

The story of one man’s contribution to multicuturalism. Like all good immigrants, I came to this country determined to assimilate as quickly as possible. This was my second time immigrating. The first was in the 70s when I came from England to Quebec and mentally replaced the UK’s stringent caste system with Canada’s language obsession. Where limeys classified people by how … [Read More]

Not just Octomom but Bimom and Unimom, too. It took me several years to gain my wife’s trust. For some reason she didn’t want to give her ovaries to a complete asshole who cared more about cocaine and comedy than fidelity. After about four years of courting and getting older, we both took a deep breath and walked down the aisle. … [Read More]