Absinthe and the Apocalyse
As the Bush administration, with the full-throat support of our unhinged media, whips up the public for a looming war with Iran, a sober citizen’s thoughts run naturally to the Apocalypse. One’s next thought, inevitably, is of absinthe.
Absinthe was invented as a medicinal tonic in the ancient world. It was recommended by Hippocrates the physician as a cure for rheumatism, Pythagoras the mystic as anesthesia for childbirth, and by Pliny the elder as mouthwash. In its modern form, spiked with alcohol, absinthe is said to be the concoction of Dr. Pierre Ordinaire—a refugee from the Reign of Terror who apparently decided to avenge himself on the revolutionary French by addicting their most talented writers to a green, brain-eating liqueur. What few Christians realize is that this liqueur is also connected with our most important book of prophecy—the Book of Revelation or the Apocalypse. I’ll explain how in a minute. But first, a little history of the stuff.
In the late 19th century, after the grape phylloxera epidemic had destroyed 2/3 of the vineyards in Europe, the price of wine skyrocketed while its quality took a nose dive. So Bohemian artists turned to other beverages. Such as absinthe, a licorice flavored liqueur which is cheaper than wine, stronger than beer—and oh yes, it’s a hallucinogen. Artists who wanted to expand their “vision” soon learned how to buy delusions by the glassful. The drink was most popular among the so-called “decadents”—most of them REALLY bad Catholics—such as Charles Baudelaire, Henri Toulose-Latrec, Paul Verlaine and Ernest Dowson. A famous fan of the “Green Fairy” was the deathbed convert Oscar Wilde, who wrote of the drink: “A glass of absinthe is as poetical as anything in the world. What difference is there between a glass of absinthe and a sunset?” To which a doctor might reply that sunsets are not quite so toxic. I know this first hand. In the spirit of investigative journalism, I spent an evening downing authentic Sazeracs made with actual absinthe—and woke up 16 hours later convinced someone had shot off the back of my head. (This is more fun than it sounds.) While Wilde may have opined that “absinthe makes the tart grow fonder,” I’m never tempted to put his words to the test.
What makes this drink so visionary? Here’s where the Bible comes in. Absinthe’s active ingredient is Wormwood. As St. John the Evangelist recalled the events of his really scary prophetic dream in the Apocalypse:
And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters;
And the name of the star is called Wormwood: and the third part of the waters became wormwood; and many men died of the waters, because they were made bitter. (Apocalypse, 8: 10-11)
Kind of makes you wonder what gave people the idea to start drinking the stuff….
You might also wonder what exactly the Apocalypse is doing in the Bible. It’s true that the book is full of exquisite imagery and profound metaphors of the mysteries of the Christian faith. Written during one of the most savage Roman persecutions of the Church, this divinely inspired book holds out hope to Christians in times of affliction, promising that even the most universal catastrophe must yield, at last, to the regenerative power of God.
The book is popular today; it’s the favorite spiritual uplift for a certain type of Protestant—for instance, those who keep track in their Covey Planners which neighbors and family members are “unsaved” and liable to be “left behind.” (Some “red-state” Protestants are fond of bumper-stickers like “In Case of Rapture This Vehicle will be Driverless.” This seems a little presumptuous to me; I prefer my own slogan: “I Brake for Apparitions of Mary.”) But many Catholics avert their eyes from this book of inspired scripture, averring, “What the BLEEP does it mean?”
I’m not exactly sure; maybe it means St. John was drinking absinthe. (That would explain all those references to man-eating locusts….) The Apocalypse has been the source of endless misunderstandings over the centuries; when Church Fathers were deciding which books belonged in the Old and New Testament, this prophecy barely made the cut; prominent churchmen wondered if it was really divinely inspired, while St. Jerome famously called it “too trippy.” (A loose translation by the author.) The skeptics were voted down, and had to settle for placing the Apocalypse at the very end of the Bible, no doubt in the hope that weary Catholics might never get that far. This plan backfired—since lazy readers tend to skip to the end to find out how the story turns out. (Not to spoil things for you, but… Jesus wins.)
A careful reading of the Apocalypse reminds us that the early Church expected the Second Coming to hop along any day now, which is why St. Paul recommended people stay focused on God by embracing lifelong celibacy. (Might as well keep your bags packed and your pants zipped; the Old Testament calls this “girding thy loins,” and it’s not referring to pork.) However, as the months passed on into years and decades, with still no sign of the End, St. Paul dismissed the taxi and the Church got down to business, seeking to sanctify a world that wasn’t going anywhere. But we have always kept in the back of our minds the fearful events warned of in the revelations given to St. John.
Over the centuries, theologians disputed as to how literally to interpret the Apocalypse:
• Would there really be seven trumpets and seven seals, as Ingmar Bergman insisted?
• Should Christians ready themselves to encounter these seals—for instance, by stockpiling fish?
• What exactly was meant by the beast with seven heads and ten horns?
• Who was that “girl gone wild” riding on its back, dressed in LSU purple and gold with a go-cup “full of blasphemies?”
Early Protestants thought they knew. They identified the Beast with the Church that had baptized them, and the whore on its back with the pope. Catholic scholars replied that perhaps John was not predicting details of the future, but using metaphors from the present. When the Apocalypse was written, the Roman empire was a pagan tyranny that enslaved other nations, held gladiatorial “snuff” shows, and persecuted Christians—in fact, it had crucified Christ. Still, “millenarians” over the centuries took literally the notion that when the End times came, the righteous Elect would rule the earth for a thousand years—an idea which was appropriated by an infamous Austrian paper-hanger.
The picture isn’t pretty. It’s tempting, in the face of so many misreadings of this almost incomprehensible book, to leave the darned thing to the biblical scholars and the Pentecostalists. But as the multitalented novelist and artist Michael O’Brien reminds us, the Church included the Apocalypse in the scriptures for a reason:
There is always a battle over every soul. Even if our times prove not to be the times toward which St. John’s Revelation is pointing, each of us must go through a kind of small “a” apocalypse. Each of us certainly will be given a capital “R” revelation at the moment of our deaths when we experience our personal judgment, when all that we are, all that we have done or neglected to do will be revealed. The Greek word apokalypsis means a revealing or unveiling. During our lives in this world each of us will indeed face the beast, which is the devil, our ancient adversary, the enemy of our individual souls and of mankind as a whole. In some form or other we must learn to personally resist him and to overcome him in Christ.
We draw more from the Apocalypse than anxiety for the future; in it we find the doctrine that we will all be resurrected in the flesh like Christ, and live with Him on an earth transformed into a New Jerusalem: “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new.” (Ap. 21: 4-5)
Still, the events which precede this happy outcome are grim enough that the average Christian hopes that they are meant allegorically—or at least that he’ll be long dead before (for instance) fire-breathing horses with serpents’ tails kill 33% of the world’s population. I don’t need to see that, do you? Again, there are brother Christians who disagree with me here. In 2004, we learned that born-again Christians in Texas (where else) are trying to hurry things up a bit. As Rod Dreher reported in National Review, evangelical cattle ranchers have been cooperating with radical rabbis in Israel who want to rebuild the Temple in Jerusalem—which cannot be reconsecrated without the sacrifice of a spotless red heifer. The rabbis couldn’t find such a creature, so the Texans are helping to breed one—in the hope that this will hasten the arrival of the Antichrist, the end of the world, and the Second Coming. Since building the Temple would require blowing up the third-holiest mosque on earth—igniting a war between a billion Moslems and a nuclear Israel—the secular government of that country is understandably jittery. So are we. Wasn’t it Christ Himself Who warned of these days:
“Then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains. Let no one on the roof of his house go down to take anything out of the house. Let no one in the field go back to get his cloak. How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers! Pray that your flight will not take place in winter or on the Sabbath. For then there will be great distress, unequaled from the beginning of the world until now—and never to be equaled again. If those days had not been cut short, no one would survive, but for the sake of the elect those days will be shortened.” (Matt. 24:16-22)
Let’s take Him at His word—instead of trying to force His hand.
CELEBRATE: Prepare spiritually for the End Times—acclimatize yourself to the taste of Wormwood, by serving delicious (and possibly visionary) absinthe Apocalypsicles.
Recipe by Denise Matychowiak:
Absinthe Apocalypsicles
Yields 8 2 ounce pops
2 cups orange juice with pulp
¼ cup Absente (legal) or Absinthe (smuggled)
Combine ingredients and taste.
Pour into popsicle molds. Add sticks and freeze.
Excerpted by the author from The Bad Catholic’s Guide to Wine, Whiskey and Song.
Comments
Just wondering, what’s the diocese of New York’s stance on allowing Green Fairies to participate in the St Patrick’s Day parade?
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I imagine that after a few Absinthe Apocalypses it
won’t just be Green Fairies, but the whole Seelie and
Unseelie courts.
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WOW!Who would of thought that living in a cave,on a rock in the middle of the agean, TRIPPIN on GREEN FAIRES you could write a ALL TIMES BESTSELLER! HIGH TIMES BEAT END TIMES.
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I don’t think I want to be in the middle of my third
Absinthe Apocalypsicle when the trumpets blow.
I think I know now why christopher hitchens has been
appearing to be green the past year or so.
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Nicely done. But just FYI, it was Ernest Dawson who said “absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.”
Cheers!
M
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I’ve heard that a sudden absence of absinthe makes the farts grow longer.
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“I’m not exactly sure; maybe it means St. John was drinking absinthe.”
Sure,and Dante smoked pot as one modern day commentator wrote.
Please, The vision of St John took place at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.
Like Dante’s vision, St Johns vision was of Divine inspiration.
Modern writers are ones smokeing pot and drinking absinthe. Right? John Zmirak have you smoked pot and drank absinthe?
That’s the inspiration of most modern day writers- pot & absinthe. Modern day writers are certainly not inspired by the Blessed Trinity.
“When the Apocalypse was written, the Roman empire was a pagan tyranny that enslaved other nations, held gladiatorial “snuff” shows, and persecuted Christians—in fact, it had crucified Christ.”
True but the Pagan Roman Empire was Divinely Ordained by the Blessed Trinity, unlike modern democratic forms of government. Jesus Christ is the foremost citizen of the Roman Empire.God saw fit that the Holy Family should enrolled themselves in the census of the Pagan Roman Empire. Making the Holy Family Citizens of the Roman Empire.
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@michael waring
Are you trying to tell us that Nero was right, and
the Christian martyrs deserved to be executed?
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“From that time Jesus began to shew to his disciples, that he must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the ancients and scribes and chief priests, and be put to death, and the third day rise again. And Peter taking him, began to rebuke him, saying: Lord, be it far from thee, this shall not be unto thee. Who turning, said to Peter: Go behind me, Satan, thou art a scandal unto me: because thou savourest not the things that are of God, but the things that are of men. Then Jesus said to his disciples: If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For he that will save his life, shall lose it: and he that shall lose his life for my sake, shall find it.” Mt 16:21-25
Yes. You now have friends in Heaven to Pray to. With the help of the Pagan Roman Emperors the Holy Martyrs achieved their final end-God. Thanks Nero.
St Peter was not allowed to hinder the Passion of Christ. In this regard the Martyrs are following in the footsteps of their Lord, Master and Teacher.
If you could would you have hindered the martyrdom of these Holy Martyrs by revolting against the Pagan Roman Empire. No. of course not. Neither did the Holy Roman Martyrs revolt against the Pagan Roman Empire. Their reward for the their obedience to the Roman Empire was Heaven.
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@michael
Have you been keeping company with the Green Fairy?
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No. Dante. I’m going to conquer the world with a poem.
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Well that logical fallacy isn’t even up to sophomoric level. “The Roman Empire was instrumental in creating martyrs, therefore it was ordained by God” is equivalent to saying “Satan was instrumental in the crucifixion, therefore Satan was ordained by God as the Prince of This World.”
Being permitted by God to do something isn’t the same things as being ordained, and in the long run all of God’s creatures are His instruments even when they do evil. But as Zmirak has said, it’s not up to us to force God’s hand. Better to force a beer into our own hands while we can, and enjoy the scenery while it’s still here.
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John Zmirak,
Your article seems to imply that John, Chists beloved disciple, was drinking absinthe when he “came up” with Revelation. I know that by actually reading, and not skimming, your piece one will see this is not so. Many will unfortunately skim the piece though, and go about thinking Revelation is just a book by a stoned-holy-man. That is wrong sir...................you shouldn’t be so cavalier regardless of what you may think of that book.
Lefties often mock “things” in much the same style, never answering direct arguments, mocking and making light of ‘weak’ points, and arguing in bad faith, and attributing false characteristics to the argument that the opposition never made (the fallen star is typically interpreted to be an asteroid or comet, not a giant lamp-like “star” which would obviously engulf the planet). Not that I like or agree with the “rapture reverends”, but we do ourselves a disservice by not engaging them theologically with fair summaries of their interpretations of the book and their beliefs vs. ours. You wrote a cartoon-column about a biblical book, and thats a shame.
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“You wrote a cartoon-column about a biblical book, and thats a shame.”
The first cartoonists were Christian monks who decorated the margins of their books, including the Bible, with funny pictures.
Quite a lot of them were Irish. Zmirak is carrying on an ancient Irish Christian tradition.
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Wormwood, Artemisia Absinthum, grows commonly in
southern Finland. It was used for centuries to
keep moths and other insects out, internally
against intestinal worms and parasites, and an old
instruction states that “if a husband suspects that
his wife is possessed by witchcraft he must make a
bundle of wormwood and beat the wife with it”.
This was not as cruel as is sounds because the
stem of the herb is rather soft. It predated
the arrival of Christian medicine and remained one
of the most widely used herbs. Never knew it was
mentioned in the Bible, as us secular Protestants
tend to read only the more approachable passages.
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“the Roman empire...in fact,… crucified Christ.”
...forced to, under great protest, it should be added.
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@ John Ball
St Paul letter to the Romans on the Roman Empire telling the Roman Catholics that it is ordained of God:“Let every soul be subject to higher powers: for there is no power but from God: and those that are, are ordained of God. Therefore he that resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God. And they that resist, purchase to themselves damnation” Rom 13:1-2 The martyrs did not revolt against this Roman Empire because St Paul warned the early Roman Catholics that if they did resist the power of the Roman Empire then they would resisteth the ordinance of God and these Roman Catholics would purchase to themselves damnation. Name one Roman martyr that revolted against the Roman Empire in word or deed? None did.
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@ John Ball wrote: “Being permitted by God to do something isn’t the same things as being ordained”
Very true. Good to see you notice the difference between merely permitted by God and Ordained by God. St Paul tells us that the Roman Empire is the only Divinely Ordained Government and is not to be resisted, and this is attested to by the examples of Jesus Christ, his disciples and all the roman martyrs who were faithful and loyal subjects of the Roman Empire. All other forms of government including the USA are merely permitted and tolerated by the Blessed Trinity. And it is allowed to resist these merely permitted and tolerated forms of government if these governments enforce bad laws and customs without give offense to the Blessed Trinity.
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@Robert Burch
The Roman Empire had not problem executing rabblerouses,
and mostly so in troublesome provinces.
Any reluctance to kill Jesus had more to do with
prudential reasons than any ethical qualms. The Romans
got rid of anyone whom they though might make trouble
and thought nothing of it.
@michael
Too bad that the Church did not made Nero, Domitian,
or any of the Roman Emperors who created so many martyrs
into saints. Don’t you think that you should ask them
to rectify their error?
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@michael
The charges were not brought by the Romans, and the guilt of Jesus was not found by the Romans.
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@Robert Burch
No, it was not done by the Romans, it was done
by their collaborationists in the puppet regime they
installed.
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@ mark, “Name one Roman martyr that revolted against the Roman Empire in word or deed? None did.”
Many did. The refusal to offer a pinch of incense as a gesture of veneration of the Emperor was considered an act of rebellion against the state.
Mark, you’re an example of why some people would be better off drinking or doing drugs than misreading the Bible.
I’m reminded of a Cheech and Chong routine where a former pothead-turned-autodidactic-evangelist preaches, “I used to be all messed up on drugs. Then I found the Lord. Now I’m all messed up on the Lord.”
I once heard a Rabbi (I forget his name) on a BBC documentary say something like, “Scripture is highly charged stuff and it needs to be insulated by educated interpretation just like electrical wires.” In other words, the Bible is too hot for some, or perhaps most, to handle. And there’s another argument for Roman Catholicism versus the “sola scriptura” of the Protestants.
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@John Ball you wrote: “Many did. The refusal to offer a pinch of incense as a gesture of veneration of the Emperor was considered an act of rebellion against the state.”
Not true at all, the refusal of the Roman Martyrs to offer a pinch of incense as a gesture of veneration of the Emperor was considered an act of rebellion against the pagan religion and refusing to acknowledge the Emperor as a God. It was an act of True faith, a religious act by the Roman Martyrs, acknowledging the Blessed Trinity as the True God, not the Emperor, it was not a political act
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@michael
Since the Empire was based on the propostion of the
divinity of the emperor, to refuse to worship the
Emperor was both a religious and a political act.
Also, I wonder how can you reconcile your belief that
the Roman Empire was divinely ordained with the First
Commandment? Or does the First Commandment says “you
shall have no other gods but me, and the Roman Emperor?”
And why would God ordain a political order that went
againt the First Commandment?
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It’s time for a Monty Python break. Here is Pontius Pilate talking about his friend,
“Biggus Dickus”:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=-FByERYetqI
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@ Adriana you wrote “Since the Empire was based on the propostion of the
divinity of the emperor, to refuse to worship the
Emperor was both a religious and a political act.”
Again, It was not a political act to refuse to offer a pinch of incense as a gesture of veneration of the Emperor as God. Jesus Christ told His disciples: “Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s. And they marvelled at him.” Caesar is not God. Roman Catholic Citizens are not allowed to offer incense to Caesar as God. It is a religious act on the Roman Martyrs part, not a political act. The Roman Catholic Church never considered the Roman Martrys as political rebels against the Roman Empire.
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@michael
When the law demands such worship, to deny it is to
go against the established order.
It was akin at not pleding allegiance to the flag. And
that is a political act.
To deny the Emperor’s divinity was to deny the basis of
authority for the whole Empire. It was not picayune stuff.
But I think that I would rather Biggus Dickus explain
it to you.
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@ Adriana
“Paul making answer for himself: Neither against the law of the Jews, nor against the temple, nor against Caesar, have I offended in any thing. …….Then Paul said: I stand at Caesar’s judgment seat, where I ought to be judged….. I appeal to Caesar.” Acts 25:8,10,11 Did St Paul offer a pinch of incense as a gesture of veneration to the Emperor as God? No he did not, and he did not go against the established order according to St Paul: “nor against Caesar, have I offended in any thing.” So according to you Adriana who said: “When the law demands such worship, to deny it is to go against the established order.” then St Paul who did not offer pinch of incense went against the established order. Correct? Are you calling St Paul a liar? The Jews called St Paul a liar.
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“Julian was an emperor who was an unbeliever. Was he not an apostate and wicked idolater? Christian soldiers served the unbelieving emperor. When it came to Christ’s cause, they recognized only him who was in heaven. When the emperor wanted them to worship and burn incense to idols, they preferred God to him. But when he said, ‘Advance in battle array, and go against that nation,’ immediately they obeyed. They distinguished the eternal Lord from the temporal lord.” St Augustine Iulianus 11,q.3.c.98
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Not to get in trouble, but I give you John Wesley on the classic protestant view of antichrist: “He is, in an emphatical sense, the man of sin, as he increases all manner of sin above measure. And he is, too, properly styled, the son of perdition, as he has caused the death of numberless multitudes, both of his opposers and followers, destroyed innumerable souls, and will himself perish everlastingly. He it is that opposeth himself to the emperor, once his rightful sovereign; and that exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped. Commanding angels and putting kings under his feet, both of whom are called gods in scripture; claiming the highest power, the highest honour; suffering himself, not once only, to be styled God or vice-God. Indeed no less is implied in his ordinary title, ‘Most Holy Lord,’ or ‘Most Holy Father,’ so that he sitteth enthroned in the temple of God, mentioned in Rev. 11:1. Declaring himself that he is God - claiming the prerogatives which belong to God alone.” If y’all want to send Ratzinger a bottle of the green fairy, be my guest!
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Peter, have you been reading Jack Chick tracts?
To cite Wesley’s screed as an exemplar of “classic Protestantism” does a disservice to classic Protestants. Most of them got over the late-Gothic rhetoric of identifying the Pope as the “antichrist” long ago. Even the Archbishop of Canterbury now has good relations with the Pope, although he won’t turn over the deed to Canterbury Cathedral to Rome anytime soon.
And if I had any absinthe (which I’ve never tried, sorry to say) I’d be happy to knock back a few with Pope Benedict, or in lieu of that a dozen or so German beers, and any Protestant with a lick of sense would join us. In fact, I’m friends with a Methodist Minister who is bosom buddies with a Catholic Priest and often attends his masses, although he properly refrains from taking the sacrament.
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Most of them got over the late-Gothic rhetoric of identifying the Pope as the “antichrist” long ago.
Most of them got over the late-Gothic rhetoric of resurrection of the dead and marriage only between heterosexual couples, too. They’re called liberals. Give them the green fairy too!
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U. “Religion brought him into politics in the first place, not reading Labor Party history. The new findings suggest that chloroquine might prevent cancer in people with premalignant or genetic conditions that predispose them to cancer, says Chi V. Generating sufficient number of jobs is just a myth, large scale companies or factories promised…
froum sex algerian
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Paul Verlaine introduced Rimbaud to the “Green Fairy”, and then was seduced by his young teenage boy into a drunken sexual liasion, which destroyed him.
Rimbaud’s poetry is obviously inspired by his addiction to Absinthe, and when he grew up and got sober, he became a complete cynic.
Rimbaud’s poetry is the best example of the power of Absinthe, aand it’s easy to see that the “Green Fairy” was also the inspiration of the Book of Revelations.
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