Our Pug’s Blackballs
OK. Next to last column before the end of the year, and of course it has to be about the crisis that has enveloped Pug’s, the world’s most exclusive of clubs. For any of you which may have missed it, here, for the benefit of Speccie (London Spectator) readers, is the membership list:
Patron: Lady Gabriella Windsor.
President: Mr Taki Theodoracopulos.
Executive Chairman: Count Leopold Bismarck.
Chairman & Director of Admissions: Professor William Gimlet, OBE. (Aka Mr Nicholas Scott).
Members: Mr Timothey Hoare, Prince Heinrich von Furstenberg, HRH Prince Pavlos of Greece, HH the Maharaja of Jodhpur, Mr Arpad Busson, Mr Christopher Lee CBE, Sir Bob Geldof.
Not a bad list, even if I say so myself, but the beauty and strength of the club is the list of those who have tried to join and have been brutally blackballed by an admissions committee which makes Saudi Arabian Religious Courts look like small claims tribunals in Berne, Switzerland.
People like Henry Kravis, Hugh Grant, George Soros, Rupert Murdoch (I was furious at that one but there was nothing I could do) Warren Buffett, Sir Elton John, Bernard Henry-Levy, Sir Mick Jagger, and so on. This week William Gimlet flew over to the Bagel from Londonistan in order to settle once and for all the question of a M’Dame for our London headquarters. We obviously need a housekeeper and after a spirited three day—and night—discussion, we have settled on Heather Mills, Lady McCartney as our Mrs Danvers. Although she could have trouble with the stairs, it is an inspired choice in view of the fact that she ran Sir Paul’s (also among the first to be blackballed) various houses impeccably.
The trouble with having a classic sailing boat serve as a clubhouse is wintertime. The boat is laid up in the south of France, the crew is busy varnishing the miles of teak, and although the clock is running—and boy, is it ever running—members cannot be expected to be seen in St Tropez out of season. Ergo the need for more salubrious surroundings somewhere in London. Professor Gimlet has been charged with finding staff and a winter home for Pug’s, and his first hire will be Heather Mills McCartney to run it. Will she accept? I can’t see her saying no, not after the bums she’s been associated with throughout her life. This is her first real opportunity to mix with her betters and while she’s at it, to improve her manners. Anyway, we have a back up choice, Sophie Anderton, and if she also turns us down, there is always Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. Heinrich Furstenberg suggested we get staff from the various royal palaces, but I thought it a lousy idea. Royal livery men tend to spill the beans to the press, and Pug’s cannot afford the Paul Burrells of this world.
So, there you have it. Pug’s may not be the handsomest of the Regency clubs, as Brooks’s is, might not have as famous a bow window as White’s, but will never be stuffed with lawyers like the Garrick, and it is written in our rules that no member of the Groucho will ever be allowed to cross the portals. Not even as a guest. Groucho membership means instant expulsion from Pug’s.
In the meantime, White’s, the Turf, Brooks’s, Boodle’s, Pratt’s and the Beefsteak have already applied to us for reciprocal privileges. This request is what forced me as president to have Nick Scott fly over for a lightning meeting and, I’m afraid, not a small amount of shouting. I simply will not have it.
Scott, Hoare, Busson and Bismarck voted for it, but my veto prevailed. Furstenberg, ever the diplomat, suggested we drop White’s and accept the others. Any club which continues to have Osama Bin Laden as a member cannot expect to be accepted .... said Heinrich, and then went onto a long spiel in German about mixing with beerhall putschists and bearded terrorists. But the president’s veto held up and Nick Scott is flying back to London empty-handed.
The most common rule of thumb for the ideal club is the one where all one’s friends are members. This can present a problem for those with no friends at all, only acquaintances. I know a few people like that, but what is amazing is that they do belong to clubs. One such fellow, whom I will not name (nor his three clubs) is among the greatest shits ever to wear a necktie. I have met many people in my life, among whom many know of him, and all I’ve heard is what a terrific turd the man is. A cheapskate, a bore, mean-spirited, cowardly, a total phoney and ugly as hell to boot, he does not even possess a scintilla of charm, the easiest of human traits to acquire through fakery. Great shits more often than not possess lotsa charm. All conmen do, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to con anyone, not even an American innocent abroad. Two of the most charming men I knew when young were Gianni Agnelli and Porfirio Rubirosa.
Gianni was a clubman, Rubi was not. Go figure, as they say. It is often said that one should join clubs early in life, before he begins seducing married ladies, getting drunk in public and telling off bores. It is good advice, but one we have tried desperately to ignore in choosing our membership. In this age of gushing exhibitionism, hype and confession, Pug’s remains small, exclusive, heterosexual, white and totally discreet. Except for the habit of putting up on the notice board all those unfortunate souls who have been blackballed.
Comments
Oh.
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Pft. I have the most exclusive club of all. It consists of two of my greatest friends and we [me,myself and I] have blackballed entire planets and solar systems! Rupert Murdoch you say? Bah, I vetoed him with a snap of the TV remote.
The Club is located in Riviera, which is currently docked in a very cozy climate controlled environment where three very experienced mechanical hands [me, myself and I] look after the clubhouse, a vintage 1966 Buick with its thousands of miles, of well, miles.
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I wouldn’t join a club that had Bob Geldof as a member even if you paid me.
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Oh, Taki, wasn’t it Mencken (?) who said that he would net be a member of any club that accepted him as a member? Living way out in the North Carolina woods, there aren’t that many clubs...I am a member of The Sons of Confederate Veterans, whcih accepts only the male kin of soldiers who fought for the South in our great epochal struggle 145 years ago; that, and the Catholic Church, are my only two memberships now.... Of course, if I were in London, who knows?
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It was Groucho Marx; probably more famous to the world as one half of the Marxist Lennonist conspiracy.
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What’s with the picture of the dog at the top the artical. The late great Robert Mitchem would be turning in his grave.
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You’re a Drone, Sir. I recommend the Empress of Blandings as your house mother.
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“I know a few people like that, but what is amazing is that they do belong to clubs. One such fellow, whom I will not name (nor his three clubs) is among the greatest shits ever to wear a necktie.”
Sidney Zion, in his biography of the late Roy Cohn, related how outraged the liberal guests at a get together in a West Side apartment were when they heard that the attorney had been invited. These same people lined up to shake his hand when he arrived (after sending a case of Johnny Walker, Black Label I presume). Would Oscar Wilde have said that the only thing worse than being blackballed at Pug’s is not being blackballed at Pugs? Some people think that importance rubs off on one like those foam peanuts used for packing. Taki, please tell me I can’t join your club. I can’t afford the dues anyway, so I lose nothing, but I gain the fame of being crushed ‘neath the wheels of your carriage.
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(1) Who cares? (2) Taki is such a phoney-he’s been trying to sell Bushido for at elast a year and has no takers-probably that’s why he and his cronies are looking for a new spot. (3) Bob Geldorf is a swine-who would break bread with that SOB?
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Taki, I can’t believe you outrank a Bismarck in
your club. I’m green with envy.
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Dr. Boyd D. Cathey,
I am happy to see your fellow Sons of Confederate Soldiers were picketing that fool Thompson for his pandering remars regarding the confederate flag during the last depate. If he wants to play the carpetbagger from Tennessee then let him lose the votes that go along with that mantle. I think Romney was the most shamefull display regarding the Confederate Flag. It is absolutely nonsene to believe this flag represented racism. The only more embarrasing display in the last debate was when the fool McCain tried to play the Hitler ploy on Dr. Paul.
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Growing up in a small German principality (the one which gifted Bilderberg founder Prince Bernhard to the world), where the old folks still bowed, when they encountered the princess, I can understand that Taki prefers the association with like-minded folks from members of the old European aristocracy over the American or Arab “nouveau riche”. While this may be difficult to understand for adherents to the American spirit, it is simply a lot easier to find friends and drinking buddies among people, who never had to work for a living and could cultivate their leisure life manners.
The self-made celebrity, which represents the American Hollywood-Wall Street type crowd, generally had to throw his conscience overboard to make it from humble beginnings to the state of prominence, so it is much harder to find genuine buddies among them. However, if one goes through the exercise, I assume there are more interesting and worthwhile friends to be found in this latter group. Give it a try Taki.
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What a great bunch of stiffs...who would want to join ? More fun to watch through thr windows and laugh your ass off as they all try to say..or be somebody important.My club is a rather exclusive lot...selected by whatever number is hanging on the door which is replaced as they pass through....leaving a favored few who know little of anything but lauugh at all those who think they do.
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Ah, Mr. Nucci, thank you for that remark. Indeed, the Sons of Confederate Veterans tends to be one of the few “ultra” groups in the US of A. I have the privilege of knowing that two of my great-grandfathers refused to take the Oath of Allegiance at the end of “the late unpleasantness.” Sorta like my good friends from the Vendee who, when the “doctrinaires” took power in France in 1830, simply retired to their estates and their remained...’til this day. And my Carlist friends in the old Regencia Nacional de Estella who refused to recognize Genl. Franco because he would not restore the traditional monarchy: those folks remind me, in some analogous way, of some of my fellow Southerners. Perhaps there should be a club for those of us who simply refuse to go along...with modernity, etc.
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Wait until the “Southern Poverty Law Center” get’s wind of this!
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Dr. Cathey,
If you happen to see Fr. Kenneth Novak, please give him my best regards and tell him to keep up the good work.
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I can see you are all bloody anti-zionists!
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Dear Woody Jones,
Good to read you again....Let me wish you a wonderful Advent season and the best for Christmas, as I wish everyone participating in these lists.
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I have two responses to this. One response is from my rational, logical mind, and the second one is from my intuition.
1. The logical, rational part of my mind knows that this blog post by Taki was a metaphor to provoke more, and new, thoughts in others. And,
2. My intuition tells me, that Taki, deep down, is very close to the spirit of St Francis of Assisi. Oh yes of course, Taki will die as a sinner and a reprobate, but all the best men do… :-)
Oh and one more thing, to Dr Boyd Cathey: oh I really DO hope that you and I will meet in person to share a lot of drinks and poetry…
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Hello John Ball -
As usual, I always enjoy your comments, even if we don’t agree on some things. And yes, I would love to have a drink with you and share some good poetry. I like all sorts of writers, including the English metaphysical poets, Pope, Keats, Chesterton, Eliot, Roy Campbell, Donald Davidson ("Lee in the Mountains"), John Betjeman, and several Spanish poets (e.g. Jorge Manrique and others of the “siglo de oro"---anyway I’m sure that we could recite some fine ones!
All best wishes for this Advent season.
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Blackballing Sir Elton John… This must have seeded the bitch-storm of the century up at Sir Elton’s castle. What’s wrong with your friends to not admit Murdoch? They seem very uncharitable to me. With all the poison this guy dispenses to America and around the world, your friends couldn’t suffer his company while you helped to straighten him out? Shameful. And, is Osama Bin Laden really a current member of a fashionable London salon? This seems very odd to me. It doesn’t shock me if it’s true, but it shocks me that I’ve never heard of such a thing. My social persona thrives off of it’s store of all sorts of stupid and absurd facts about our modern world. I don’t think that the folk in my world would be able to accept a fact like this though. Why hasn’t a laser-guided bomb flatened the clubhouse? The answer, I guess, is that the power elites are just as vulgar and stupid as the rest of us. We just don’t get to see it often enough! Have you written a book, Taki?
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I was curious about the bin Laden membership at White’s and checked it out with my best friend, Google. White’s denies it and claims that Taki made the whole thing up. I love the idea of Osama, in proper British attire, lounging at the gentleman’s club, and would so like it to be true. Please say it’s so, Taki!
On a side note: the other night I drempt of Taki. He’d moved into my house and was hanging curtains. What does this mean? If Taki isn’t personally varnishing the teak on the good ship Pug in the south of France, why is he hanging my curtains in Columbus, Ohio? Slumming?
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Well, it’s not a rugby club; that goes without saying.
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who cares taki about your club there are people suffering in the world ,who cares about the hypocrits like the people participating in clubs like that,why do you need aclub to separate you self from other people , do u think u deserve more than other human beings because you are rich, are there any poor people in your club taki? zito direct democracy
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“And, is Osama Bin Laden really a current member of a fashionable London salon? This seems very odd to me. It doesn’t shock me if it’s true, but it shocks me that I’ve never heard of such a thing… I don’t think that the folk in my world would be able to accept a fact like this though. Why hasn’t a laser-guided bomb flatened the clubhouse?”
Posted by Greg Bentley on Dec 07, 2007.
In a world where terrorists like Menachem Begin and Yitzhak Shamir are welcomed by US presidents, why shouldn’t Osama bin Laden be treated with respect? At least he doesn’t stab his allies in the back.
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In a world where terrorists like Menachem Begin and Yitzhak Shamir are welcomed by US presidents, why shouldn’t Osama bin Laden be treated with respect? At least he doesn’t stab his allies in the back.
Posted by Roland Maruska on Dec 11, 2007.
He should be treated with less respect than any other category of human being for the simple reason that he’s a terrorist scoundrel. Also, wasn’t he the ally of the U.S.A. once upon a time?
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