December 25, 2015

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(4) “€œMaybe because it rules?”€
This was said during the lip-piercing discussion by the patriarch of the home we were in. I”€™ve noticed dads are much more reticent to get into political discussion than the other 81% of America. When the question of why we follow a patriarchal system came up he responded thusly. I backed him up by waving my arms at the awesome living room we were all drinking hot toddies in”€”a room he paid for, filled with furniture he bought.

(5) “€œI think we need to reboot the whole system.”€
After a while, I began to learn how to speak woman. Like a tribe of aboriginals making click sounds, their language is drenched in allegory and metaphor. The above sentence means: Capitalism has failed us because we work harder than people in France, therefore we need Bernie Sanders to come in and completely restructure society. My experience has been that pretty women support Sanders, while ugly women are more partial to Hillary. I”€™m guessing it has something to do with Bill’s infidelity. Ugly girls are more forgiving.

What scares me about the Sanders supporters is that they would even consider entrusting anyone to scrap thousands of years of progress and build a new system from scratch. We”€™ve seen this ridiculous idea play out time and time again and the death toll is well over 100 million. Mao alone had 77 million dead bodies before his reboot.

The trouble with democracy today is everyone can give their two cents on how to run the country, including those without two pennies to rub together. I”€™m all for this if it’s about facts and not feelings, but the vast majority of the modern political game is women who want to vote for the nice guy, young people who want the cool guy, and minorities who want their minority to win. Rather than engage in this screaming mess, dads are opting out and staying on the couch. This is a smart idea during the holiday season, but it’s suicide at the voting booth. The next president should be a mean, uncool patriarch. Get off the couch, dads. We need you.


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