July 26, 2011
Lose the logo.
Merely because you can afford to buy everything Gucci, Versace, Hermes, and Louis Vuitton doesn’t mean you should pile it all on at once. Nothing says, “I got rich last week and have no clue and no class” like a person covered in exposed labels. Rocking the most expensive Birkin bag doesn’t stand for elegance anymore. Understated elegance is the only kind, so learn your fashion Ps and Qs from the French or the English, not the Russians.
Get off your phone.
Just because you are rich and powerful in some circles—or you want to appear that way because your daddy is—doesn’t mean you always need to be on the telephone like you’re making an important deal. If you are at the table or someone’s guest, have the courtesy to be present and pleasant. A lack of basic manners is a dead giveaway to your newly acquired wealth and won’t earn you any brownie points among les nouveaux pauvres. They’ll be waiting in the shadows on your way back down, ready to pounce.
Dump the diamante.
Which tacky individual took rhinestones and gave them a new name? Jewel-encrusted phone covers, iPad cases, sunglasses, and other paraphernalia are for teenage girls. You do not need to be surrounded by sequins or those ghastly Swarovski crystals at all times. Diamante does not make you look better, richer, or more important. It makes you look like a walking disco ball. If you need more glitter in your life, there is something wrong with you. The money would be better spent on a good shrink.
Bigger is not better.
Just because you can afford an enormous belt buckle or a mega yacht doesn’t mean you’ll have more friends because of them. No one but your wife or girlfriend should ever be forced to think of your penis size.
No white allowed.
White shoes, white cars, white suits, and white leather are huge no-nos. The maximum allowable is a white shirt, but only after 6pm and make sure the collar isn’t extra-large and don’t go overboard with the buttons. When it comes to fashion, practice white flight. Don’t be trendy. For a man, classic is always the way to go.
Learn how to hold a knife and fork.
Forks and knives should not be held like writing instruments.
For a complete guide to appropriate table manners and general etiquette, please email [email protected].
