Nov. 7, 2015
At a potential cost to the school of $1m, the Missouri football team threatened to boycott their next game if the president didn”t resign. We”re not sure how you prevent scheisstikas, but we live in an era where corporations are sued for allowing an environment where sexual harassment could possibly happen, so the football players seem rational by comparison.
Nov. 8, 2015
Concerned Student 1950 issued a list of demands including: a “commitment to fulfilling [their] demands,” a demand that the school “meets the Legion of Black Collegians” demands” from 1969, and plans and curriculums and training and outreach and programming and boosting awareness and visibility. It was quite a to-do list for Wolfe, but resigning was at the top of it so he decided to take care of that one first.
Nov. 9, 2015
On a Hate Monday that would make Garfield blush, the UM controversy exploded. As Rush Limbaugh was telling his listeners that these schools were “getting exactly what they deserve,” the journalism department of UM was defending a “media-free safe space” designed to prevent journalism. Professor Melissa Click called for “some muscle” to keep photographer Tim Tai out and became an Internet celebrity overnight.
As this mess tumbled on outside, the UM president delivered a rambling resignation speech that he claimed “comes from love” and should be used “to heal.” The only thing that was clear about the speech was that he had no idea what he had done wrong. Nobody does. The chancellor also resigned. He didn”t provide a speech, but I”m assuming it would have included the words “Fuck this.”
Soon after the resignations, Jonathan L. Butler ended his hunger strike. It is not clear whether his first meal included foie gras, but he would be remiss not to include a sweet wine such as Sauternes as it rarely affects the next course.
Nov. 10, 2015
A kid on the Internet said, “I”m going to stand my ground tomorrow and shoot every black person I see.” He was immediately arrested. Black Lives Matter signs were simultaneously defaced with data about black crime and rape. Pranksters Million Dollar Extreme (starring Sam Hyde) were blamed.
While MU’s ROTC were told not to wear their uniforms to school lest they become targets, students were told to call the police if they “witness hateful and/or hurtful speech.” This is all happening while the rest of us go to work and try to make a dent in our mortgage payments.
Nov. 11, 2015
Professor Click resigned during an investigation by the school’s journalism department. Then, a month after telling us about racists driving around in pickup trucks, Payton Head insisted the KKK were on campus and students should “stay away from the windows.” The hashtag #prayformizzou was born (and prevails), but Head was forced to apologize when the police discovered he was lying.
A kid on the Internet said, “I”m going to shoot any black people tomorrow.” He was immediately arrested.
Students in upstate N.Y.’s Ithaca College staged a walkout, demanding the president resign and the school recognize “both covert and overt racism in all places of education and empowerment.” They then chanted, “Power is ours!” in Zulu and collapsed to the floor in a “die-in.” I repeat: They then chanted, “Power is ours!” in Zulu and collapsed to the floor in a “die-in.”
While everyone even remotely funny laughed their heads off at the Ithaca students, Keisha Bentley-Edwards, a professor at the University of Texas, announced, “The University of Missouri is a signal for other universities to take notice that it’s no longer business as usual as far as the handling diversity [sic].” This is beginning to sound more like a hostile takeover than an egalitarian movement devoted to “love” and “healing.”
Look, dummies, racial tensions on campuses across the country have become exacerbated by all this capitulation, and this is only the beginning. MU’s resignations and apologies didn”t stop the outrage, they fueled it. That’s what happens when you hand a savage your scalp; you make him a warrior. How many times does this have to happen before the Pussy Community stops spoiling these brats? These kids couldn”t be luckier, yet their outrage over oppression is inversely proportional to how oppressed they are. Academic institutions were designed to teach our kids about the real world, but the tables have turned and today the teachers are learning the hard way how disconnected from reality our kids have become.
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