December 15, 2010

Dear Delphi,

I really want my wife to get a breast-enhancement procedure. I know it is natural for them to look the way they do after two children, but I really want her to get new breasts. The problem is I don”€™t want her to kill me at the mere suggestion of her breasts being anything less than divine.

“€”Don”€™t Want to be a Boob in Birmingham

Dear Don”€™t Want to be a Boob in Birmingham,

If you are nervous about making such a suggestion, you have a reason to be. Your only chance is to make your wife believe that she wants the new boobs and that you couldn”€™t care less about it.

There is no way she thinks her breasts are the same as before and need no touching-up; it is physically impossible! So all you need is some good product placement. As any good infomercial can sell you the most useless piece of junk, you can sell her a new and improved pair of boobs. Trust me, she secretly desires them, anyway.

Your conversation over the next few months should consist of nothing but: “€œWow, she looks 10 years younger with those….Wow, they look so real, I don”€™t believe they are fake….Everybody says they feel the same because they have improved the solution somehow and the touch is more realistic….I don”€™t know why everyone doesn”€™t do it.”€ You have to make her jealous and insecure without making one negative comment.

If she goes through with it, you can never make a rude remark about her fakies. They should be as revered as a Catholic saint. You may never tell her they actually do feel differently or that you think getting them is anything less than the most courageous thing she has ever done.


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