December 15, 2010
Dear Delphi,
I really want my wife to get a breast-enhancement procedure. I know it is natural for them to look the way they do after two children, but I really want her to get new breasts. The problem is I don”t want her to kill me at the mere suggestion of her breasts being anything less than divine.
“Don”t Want to be a Boob in Birmingham
Dear Don”t Want to be a Boob in Birmingham,
If you are nervous about making such a suggestion, you have a reason to be. Your only chance is to make your wife believe that she wants the new boobs and that you couldn”t care less about it.
There is no way she thinks her breasts are the same as before and need no touching-up; it is physically impossible! So all you need is some good product placement. As any good infomercial can sell you the most useless piece of junk, you can sell her a new and improved pair of boobs. Trust me, she secretly desires them, anyway.
Your conversation over the next few months should consist of nothing but: “Wow, she looks 10 years younger with those….Wow, they look so real, I don”t believe they are fake….Everybody says they feel the same because they have improved the solution somehow and the touch is more realistic….I don”t know why everyone doesn”t do it.” You have to make her jealous and insecure without making one negative comment.
If she goes through with it, you can never make a rude remark about her fakies. They should be as revered as a Catholic saint. You may never tell her they actually do feel differently or that you think getting them is anything less than the most courageous thing she has ever done.
