The Big Bagel

Big Bird Flies Again

November 13, 2017

Mayor Bill de Blasio

On Nov. 7, Bill “Tale of Two Cities” de Blasio—a Marxist bird/man hybrid who enjoyed trips to the Soviet Union as a student, worked for Nicaragua’s brutal communist Sandinista regime, and illegally honeymooned in Cuba—won 66 percent of the vote in the president’s hometown, defeating Republican candidate Nicole Malliotakis (28 percent) and Independent candidate Bo Dietl (1 percent) to become the first Democratic mayor to be reelected for a second term in New York City since Ed Koch in 1985.

In an alternate universe, little things like ignoring a top imam’s warnings not to disband the city’s post-9/11 religion-of-peace surveillance program (which had been monitoring the mosque Sayfullo Saipov attended), protecting illegal-alien drunk drivers and 4X deported MS-13 gang members who sexually assault 2-year-olds from federal authorities, letting repeat criminal offenders off the hook, demanding boutique hotels put up homeless people, fudging crime-rate numbers, decriminalizing public urination, and skipping a massive NYPD swearing-in ceremony (where a vigil was held for Miosotis Familia, a 48-year-old officer and single mother of three who was brutally executed while sitting in her car) for new recruits in order to protest Trump alongside masked protesters at the G20 summit in Germany just might ever so sour a mayor’s chances for reelection.

In a recent New York magazine interview, de Blasio singled out the constitution as being the single biggest pain in his ass:

I think there’s a socialistic impulse, which I hear every day, in every kind of community, that they would like things to be planned in accordance to their needs. And I would, too. Unfortunately, what stands in the way of that is hundreds of years of history that have elevated property rights and wealth to the point that that’s the reality that calls the tune on a lot of development.

Ugh! “Hundreds of years of history” and “property rights,” am I right?

“De Blasio can finally get back to remaking the city that never sleeps into the city that is afraid to go to sleep without one eye open.”

In an alternate universe, this might raise an eyebrow or two, but, alas, not in this town. Nope. Fuggedaboutit! The chickens did not even come close to coming home to roost for the literal canary in a coal mine known as “Big Bird.”

After essentially running on a platform of saying Trump says mean words sometimes, de Blasio (proving that leftists can win in major cities no matter how dreadful they are) delivered his victory speech to a crowd of sheeple at the Brooklyn Museum:

Tonight, New York City sends a message to the White House…. Our message is this: You can’t take on New York values and win, Mr. President.

Setting aside the fact that “Mr. President” (a lifelong New York City resident) won the presidency, I have no idea what kind of fakakta “New York values” (rapes in the city have nearly doubled since de Blasio first got elected in 2013) this commie freak-show is talking about.

Then again, neither does he.

At a campaign rally prior to the election, “Independent” (ha!) Vermont senator Bernie Sanders described de Blasio as the “antidote” to MAGA (at least he’s not lying), confirming yet again that he has totally and completely sold out to the globalist establishment. In between a rendition of his greatest hits (“The 1%! Fair share!”), Sanders found time to project the tenets of the Hollywood liberal left’s intersectional tushie discharge onto you-know-who:

Trump, in an extremely un-American, ugly, and almost unprecedented way, is trying to divide us up, based on the color of our skin or our religion, or the country we came from, or our sexual orientation…. And this mayor is leading this city in a way to bring us together.

Is there anything more simultaneously hilarious and horrifying than when one of these America-hating misery dealers, speaking on behalf of a party that no longer even pretends to not want open borders for votes, uses the term “un-American” to describe a president elected for saying, “If you don’t have borders, you don’t have a country”?

Rich is an understatement.

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