January 19, 2011

Dear Delphi,

I am a 37-year-old man and am still single, but I want to be married with kids and the whole thing. I work hard, have a good time and a great family, and I just want to share that with someone else. All of my friends tell me not to put the pussy on the pedestal, but how am I to find the “right girl” if I don’t respect her?

“€”Lonely in NYC

Dear Lonely in NYC,

Putting a woman on a pedestal and respecting her are two very different issues. Putting a woman on a pedestal can only lead to disappointment. All women can be downright mean, catty, needy, insecure, and ill-mannered if the situation is right. We can all demonstrate uncalled-for levels of bitchiness. If you don”€™t accept imperfection and realize no woman or person, save Santa Claus and Jesus Christ, should ever be put on a pedestal, I fear you may never find the “€œright woman.”€ It would be hard to convince even the “€œright woman”€ to stay with a man who does not accept and love her regardless of her temper tantrums, fits of jealousy, or finicky restaurant habits.

You already know how to respect women but seem clueless about how to be mean to them. All women want their men to be just that right amount of mean, rude, asshole, or what have you. Every woman has a different threshold for meanness, which usually depends on factors such as beauty, popularity, and family background, but the need is real and must be satisfied.

To respect a woman you need to be interested or convincingly and lovingly feign interest in what she is saying, doing, or trying to accomplish. Go lightly on her quirks, failings, and mistakes. You could find a lot of respectable women who would like to be respected in NYC. But Venus the goddess of love and Hestia the goddess of hearth and home will not only be hard to find, but almost impossible to keep if you don”€™t strike the proper balance between respect and meanness.

Please write to Delphi at delphibl@alice.it



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