Dear Dog Guilt in Denver,

I suggest that you take her to the vet and see if the vet will help you put her and you out of your misery. How much do the two of you have to suffer before one of you begs for mercy? If she were a person she would have written a living will or signed a do-not-resuscitate order! Do her a favor and put her down. Pets should be loved and treated well, but they are still pets and they do not trump your children. So if your dog is taking time and energy away from your children, save the kids and get rid of the dog. If the vet refuses to help, look for a doggie Dr. Kevorkian or do a private poisoning. If you simply can’t stomach the idea of letting her go, then give her away. Having to change and care for diaper-wearing children is hard enough; you don’t need a diaper-wearing dog as well. Enough is enough!

SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU IN THAT WAY

Dear Delphi,

My problem seems simple enough, but I really cannot ask anyone except you anonymously because everyone would laugh at me. I have been dating a woman I really like for a half-dozen dates, but we have still not slept together. She says she is “not ready.” How long should I wait around? I am 40 and she is 35.

—Frustrated in Far Hills

Dear Frustrated in Far Hills,

Run for the farthest hills! Unless she is an ardent Catholic and still an unwed virgin, she has obviously been around the block a few times, so you have to ask yourself why is she telling you she is “not ready.” I can only think of a few valid reasons she wouldn’t be ready: 1) She was recently raped by a masked man in the nearby park; 2) She is currently dealing with a messy STD and has to wait for the meds to clear it up; 3) She just had an abortion; or 4) She has recently undergone vaginal rejuvenation and needs some more recovery time. The number-one reason women refuse to sleep with men is because they are not attracted to them. I think that’s the problem. Forget about her and find someone who’s ready.