January 28, 2011

The biggest celebrity implosion of the week comes courtesy of Charlie Sheen. He was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday for what some say was a hiatal hernia caused from”€”wait for it”€”laughing too hard at the TV. Others say he was partying with a briefcase of cocaine and five porn stars. They could all be true! Porn stars like sitcoms, too. But in any case, Sheen voluntarily checked himself into rehab on Friday, and production on his hit show Two and a Half Men has been halted. Thank god young Disney starlet Demi Lovato left rehab today”€”those are two stars whose paths need never to cross.

Oh my, that Chelsea Handler likes to keep the boys and gossipmongers guessing. After tweeting flirty photos of her in bed with 50 Cent”€”and apparently breaking his heart before the holidays, refusing his pleas and presents to get back together”€”the foul-mouthed comedian cozied up to handsome hotelier Andre Balazs while the pair was in Sundance. Don”€™t read on, Fiddy: The new maybe couple was spotted making out. We doubt it”€™ll last long as both are known to play the field, with Balazs once linked to Uma Thurman and Courtney Love.

Oprah has a secret”€”and no, it has nothing to do with Gayle. Although, now that we think about it, O’s BFF might not be so happy about the new woman in the talk show queen’s life. On her show this week, Oprah revealed she found a half-sister, Patricia Johnson, whom she never knew existed. Shockingly, Patricia knew about her connection with Oprah for years, but never took her story to the tabloids, instead trying to reach out to the daytime talker in any way possible. Of course, they”€™re now both mugging it up for the cameras, but it’s all still sort of sweet in its own way.

More news on the Bristol Palin front. She played coy on a radio show earlier this week about a new boyfriend, but halfway admitted she’s seeing a 20-year-old Alaska pipeline worker (who, judging by his job and the fact that he hasn”€™t yet posted for Playgirl, probably passes muster with Bristol’s Mama Grizzly, Sarah). The 20-year-old also said she’s been pestering Levi Johnston to give up parental rights for his son, Tripp, but Johnston won”€™t budge, despite only seeing him “€œat most”€ three times since her Dancing with the Stars stint.

Further proof that Tracy Morgan is just playing himself on 30 Rock: While live on a TNT airing of Inside the NBA show, Morgan commented on former VP candidate Sarah Palin, saying, you know what, she’s “€œgood masturbation material.”€ Charles Barkley thought that was a knee-slapper of a comment, but TNT didn”€™t. The network apologized to viewers for Morgan’s “€œlack of judgment.”€ Sarah Palin, as of yet, has not weighed in.

One of fashion’s most revered faces may be unrecognizable in its current state. Diane von Furstenberg, wife of Barry Diller and head of her multimillion-dollar fashion empire, had an unfortunate fall while skiing in Aspen and suffered a broken nose and facial fractures. “Some Brazilian man, who could not ski, lost control and went straight at me, hitting me badly on my face and ribs with his camera,” von Furstenberg said. We have a feeling the Brazilian looked”€”or at least felt”€”worse for wear after the high-powered couple was through with him. Von Furstenberg is now recuperating in Los Angeles.

Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, part-time philanthropist, budding comedian? Rumor has it the tech whiz might guest star on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Social Network star Jesse Eisenberg is hosting, which could mean it’s the first time the two curly-headed nerds meet face-to-face. Come 11:35pm, expect Facebook walls to be blowing up if Zuckerberg actually drops in.

Prince William and Kate are doing it old school. Save-the-date faxes have been sent out to the senior members of the royal family invited to the royal wedding. The guest list has yet to be finalized but King Constantine and Queen Anne-Marie of Greece are said to have received the save-the-dates, and Prince Alexander and Princess Katherine of Serbia have RSVPed. Something else likely on the couple’s radar: Lifetime is planning a made-for-TV movie of their royal romance, from their time as students at St. Andrews to, well, now. Relative unknown Nico Evers-Swindell will play Wills. Kate has not been cast. And surely every brunette with a passable Brit accent is now flooding the Lifetime casting agency with headshots.

This would cause anyone’s wallet to clamp itself closed. Diddy has been sued for one trillion (yes, trillion) dollars. Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks says the rapper”€”who oh-so-conveniently has a hit record out now”€””€œknocked down the World Trade Center,”€ and, in turn “€œknocked her children down.”€ Uhhh”€”what? Oh, and Diddy’s also the father to her son, that’s where $900 billion of the lawsuit comes from (lost child support). That’s sure to be one interesting court hearing on January 31.

Songstress Nicki Minaj debuted her newest music video this week, and, true to form, the chameleon with a mike is still a mystery. She marries her real-life boyfriend, singer Drake, in the video for “€œMoment 4 Life”€ and glams herself up as Marie Antoinette and Cinderella. Overall, it’s pretty amusing, and is at least a good time-killer until Lady Gaga’s back later this year.


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