Maria Carraciola

June 25, 2010

Is the clock ticking for Al Gore? After explosive allegations were made public earlier this week that the former vice president groped a masseuse in 2006, the woman is now threatening to surface and tell her story if the price is right. An unidentified Portland woman filed a police report against the environmental activist, saying he took a scheduled massage way too far and groped and kissed her. After remaining silent for four years, she’s supposedly shopping her story around for $1 million. While she’s waiting to see if any media outlets bite (and oh, they will) we’ll keep trying to scrub our minds of the image of Gore acting like a “sex crazed poodle” and blasting “Dear Mr. President” on his iPod during the alleged encounter.

Mel Gibson is also having trouble with the ladies. Remember when he dumped his wife of 30 years for aspiring “singer” Oksana Grigorieva? Seems the relationship has soured—Mel has filed a restraining order against the Russian beauty, who gave birth to his daughter Lucia seven months ago. The couple split in April. How do you think Mel’s ex-wife, Robyn, feels about the Oscar winner’s recent love troubles? It has to be a tiny bit self-satisfying her ex’s new girlfriend turned out to be slightly unhinged, no?

Where were you when you heard Joe Jackson filed a wrongful death lawsuit over Michael’s death? One year to the day that the world unexpectedly said goodbye to the King of Pop, his father is suing Dr. Conrad Murray for unspecified damages over his death. Jackson’s complaint charges that the not-so-good doc “tried to clean up the scene” before EMTs arrived at Jackson’s home on June 25, 2009. This is all just so ugly. Can’t we turn on Number Ones and mourn properly?

The biggest mystery in Hollywood, nay, maybe the world, is what exactly is going on with Lindsay Lohan‘s SCRAM bracelet. Last week she whined about her alcohol monitoring bracelet falsely going off, and now it looks like another one of her vices may be to blame. Apparently, a chemical in spray tanning can cause a false reading, but that hasn’t stopped LiLo from getting her signature orange glow once or twice a week.

Tiger Woods might have a good excuse for his abysmal performance at the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach. One recent report says his divorce from wife Elin is “about to be official” after the couple agreed on all points. Elin’s payout? A massive $750 million. We should all be so lucky to marry a golf superstar, have him cheat with a dozen mistresses, and then take him to the cleaners. It’s truly the American dream.

Jason Bateman may have lost a few fans just because he wanted a new iPhone 4. The Arrested Development and Juno star was waiting patiently in line with 2,000 people in Los Angeles for the new gizmo before an Apple employee plucked him out of the line-up and ushered him into the store. Not such unusual treatment for an A-lister, right? But those diehard Apple nerds waiting in line booed the sheepish star on his way out.

And in royal news, after years spent wooing everyone from Naomi Campbell and Brooke Shields to Gwyneth Paltrow and Claudia Schiffer, 52-year-old man-about-town Prince Albert II of Monaco is finally settling down. The lucky lady is South African former swimmer Charlene Wittstock who, naturally, is 20 years his junior. The couple, who have been dating since 2006, attended the extravagant ceremony for Crown Princess Victoria and Daniel Westling last weekend, and perhaps took notes for their own as-yet-unscheduled nuptials. The prince has two children, aged six and 18, born out of wedlock.

And another one bites the dust, as Piers Morgan quietly tied the knot with Celia Walden this week in an intimate ceremony. The 33-year-old bride, who’s a writer for the Telegraph, wore a daisy chain headband to their wedding in front of only a handful of guests. Simon Cowell, who did not attend, said he’s “absolutely thrilled” for the couple, and has no idea how Piers pulled it off. Perhaps the two were in a rush to get married because a cross-country move is next? For weeks, rumors have swirled that Piers is in line to take over Larry King‘s slot on CNN.

And finally, before Prince Harry prepared for his three-day trip to New York, he said in an interview in South Africa that the memory of their mother keeps him and Prince William going. “I particularly always wonder what she”€™d think, what she”€™d be doing if she was with us now,” he said. Meanwhile, Harry and longtime girlfriend Chelsy Davy split after she announced she’s moving back to Zimbabwe. They’ll be no shortage of women during his stay in New York this weekend at the Veuve Clicquot Manhattan Polo Classic. We’re sure he can scoop up a new girlfriend—or maybe a summer fling?—in no time. Just make sure the paparazzi are looking the other way.