June 16, 2011

It is an insult to all San Franciscans when a foreign country like the Vatican meddles with and attempts to negatively influence this great city’s established and existing customs and traditions such as the right of same sex couples to adopt and care for children in need.

Although suit was brought upon Their Ladyships by outraged Catholics who claimed that this assumption of religious and foreign-policy powers is unconstitutional, the city’s action has been upheld by the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. Anti-monarchists and Protestant fundamentalists may take comfort in the fact that rather than being ruled by kings, we Americans are ruled by judges, as the Children of Israel were of old.

So those of Jewish faith—at least those living in San Francisco—who detect a whiff of anti-Semitism in the air should be prepared to abdicate their religious consciences into the hands of their City Council should the anti-circumcision measure prevail in November. The Council’s role as hierophant has been duly consecrated by a federal court. If the Catholics, Jews, and Muslims must change their teachings or practices at the behest of one pressure group, doubtless others will have their day. PETA will surely prevail upon City Hall to forbid members of the Armenian Apostolic Church to perform the Matagh; Muslims shall be banned from observing the Eid al-Adha—there shall be an end to kosher and halal butchers. The Hindus will be forced to give up their ritual use of milk and ghee when the vegans gain the City Council’s ear. AA and Al-Anon shall resort to the same authority, and wine shall be banned from Catholic, Orthodox, and Anglican liturgies, as well as the Seder table. (FORGET Purim!) The gluten-free folks will secure an end to wheat bread in the Eucharist. So it shall go on, until religion in San Francisco becomes exclusively (in the words of the era that formed what passes for the minds of the councilpersons) a “head trip.”

What of those of us in the rest of the state who lack the ministrations of such civic spirit guides? We need not fear being cast out into the darkness like those dreaded discarded foreskins. Although, as with SF’s City Council, our state’s Assembly seems chronically incapable of performing such minor tasks as balancing the budget or avoiding intimate contact with lobbyists, they too are fully prepared to act as Captains of Correction, as their ban on foie gras shows. (It was signed into law by ex-governor Schwarzenegger, himself a steaming heap of moral rectitude.) Once the Gurus of Frisco complete their success, there can be no doubt that the Assembly will emulate them. Today San Francisco, tomorrow the state!



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