(3) “RAP IS CRAP”
My grandfather hated rock and roll. He thought it was too loud and that Elvis guy shaking his hips around looked like a bloody queer. He didn”t listen to any of it but it probably sucked and it couldn”t hold a candle to the big-band music he and my grandmother would go ballroom dancing to.
Saying modern rock, pop, or yes, rap is garbage is completely subjective. When I hear Mac Miller do “Donald Trump“ I can appreciate it for the youthful enthusiasm and reckless naÃ¯vetÃ© crammed into it. It’s no longer my cup of tea, but I remember playing in bands at that age and can recall how fun it was being that stupid.
(4) “COMEDIANS AREN”T FUNNY ANYMORE”
I criticize comedians because they talk about politics from the perspective of someone who hasn”t really looked it up. I hate hearing Amy Schumer talk about gun control like she’s ever picked up a book on the subject. It’s like hearing your mom school you on Norwegian death metal. When I bring this up on the site, the readers inform me that nobody has been funny for half a century. This doesn”t mean humor died when you got old. It means your interest in it died. You sound like liberals bitching about Fox News shows they don”t watch. Amy Schumer’s show is hilarious. “Girl, You Don”t Need Makeup“ is a work of art. I know it was mostly written by Kurt Metzger (another comedy genius whose politics I hate), but she chose him and curated a bunch of other brilliant writers to create one of the most perfect sketch-comedy shows ever made.
Last week I harped on David Cross and Bob Odenkirk’s irrational hatred of Donald Trump, but that doesn”t mean they haven”t consistently created some of the greatest comedic bits in the history of the genre. It’s unfathomable that any of you could make anything in the same universe as “The Bob Lamonta Story,” so shut up about something you know nothing about. That’s what I”m mad at comedians for doing. I spend all day researching the minutiae of politics, and to hear these guys talk about immigration when they have no clue how many illegals are in this country is as frustrating as hearing you bitch about comedy when you have no idea who Mr. Show is. I hate Lena Dunham but Girls is an incredibly honest and sincere show that does what it’s supposed to do: convey a lifestyle we were previously unaware of, warts and all. Louis C.K. is the master of stand-up. Sarah Silverman has been hitting it out of the park for decades (and recently proved herself a gifted dramatic actress as well). The same goes for Patton Oswalt, Dave Hill, Samantha Bee, and many other misinformed liberal comedians. Sure, they”re no Foster Brooks, but neither was he.
I get that old codgers roll their eyes at modern pop culture, but at least recognize you”re doing what old men have been doing since Caesar.
(5) THEY ARE ANONYMOUS
Pretty much everybody is guilty of this online but I feel the need to include it here because there are countless examples of anonymous people calling out the writer for being a pussy. It’s a lack of self-awareness rarely seen in the adult world. When confronted with this obvious hypocrisy they claim they can”t afford to use their real names because it would cost them their livelihood”as though Jim Goad, Kathy Shaidle, Steve Sailer, and David Cole are typing away in the back of their limousines. Yes, I realize Thomas Paine and Ben Franklin were occasionally anonymous. You”re not in their league. When we see your anonymous comments, they vanish immediately after because the writer had no stakes.
When Public Enemy sang “fuck a critic“ they were talking about talentless, bitter hacks who dragged artists down because that’s all they had to contribute to society. You”re like that but worse.