SEXISM

It is not sexist to think women are inferior at math and science. You are also allowed to admit they tend to be physically weaker than men. But if some behemoth of a bulldyke can hoist a man over her burly shoulders like he’s a Muppet, she should be able to join the Fire Department or even the Marines, but there is no reason to insist any male-heavy vocation be 50% women. Men are simply better at some stuff. It’s nature’s way.

What men cannot do, however, is make a person come out of their body, so we need to take a step back and accept that this makes men and women apples and oranges. It’s OK to be inferior at math when you’re a magical creature. Somewhere down the path to relentless equality we ended up trivializing a miracle that takes women out of the whole debate and into outer space.

So like racism, “sexism” is now redefined as the act of denying women opportunities based solely on their gender. It is not sexist to say women are very different than men and tend to have different abilities. It’s also not sexist to say American women in 2011 are totally responsible for their lot in life.

Though it’s true women tend to earn less than men, it’s also true they tend to put family over career and would rather attend their daughter’s piano recital than stay at the office all night working on a proposal. It is not sexist to say women choose to earn less.

It is sexist to impinge on a woman’s freedom, deny her opportunities, and insist she wear a black plastic bag everywhere she goes. It is also sexist to throw rocks at her for being raped. If you are concerned about sexism, it’s probably best to focus on places where they do this.

HOMOPHOBIA

“Homophobia” has to be one of the gayest words in the English language. The only people scared of homosexuals are the ones who have a homosexual living inside of them. The rest of us see them as “queer” at worst.

So accepting that “homophobic” means “anti-gay,” it is hereby “homophobic” to give a flying fuck if somebody is gay. Giving a fuck would also entail imposing some kind of restrictions on somebody because of their sexual orientation. You’re still allowed to be a little freaked-out by homosexuality. It is, by definition, unusual. The men put dinks in their bums and who even knows what the women do—scissor each other? Therefore, though Americans still have a ways to go with accepting homosexuality, they are doing pretty darn good and if you want to fight for gay rights, it’s best to focus on places such as the Middle East and Africa, where being gay can be a capital offense.

Using words such as “faggot,” “nigger,” and “slut” are obviously all about context. They are swear words. To go up to an old black guy and yell NIGGER in his face is exactly like going up to an old white lady and yelling CUNT in her face. It is not racist, sexist, or homophobic to swear. It’s just very rude.

What is more than rude, however, is to insist you know my motive for swearing. To police language based on thought is to police thoughts. It’s nobody’s business what our motives are. However, if we were forced to reveal our inner feelings about visible minorities, women, and homosexuals, I think the left would be shocked to see how totally OK we are with it all.