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When I was still a boy, there was a saying, now rather out of fashion, used by critics to blast politicians or other figures of authority whenever they had formulated yet another foolish policy, to the effect that “Next they’ll be wanting to bring back Hitler!” As Easter Sunday this year happened to achieve the rare feat of falling upon the Führer’s birthday of 20 April, the idea of Adolf being literally resurrected from the dead sprang inescapably to my mind. Was it possible this calendrical “coincidence” happened to portend the imminent resurrection of Hitler from his grave, just like had happened to that equally capable leader of men Jesus Christ one Easter Sunday 2,000 years ago?

I am not the only one twisted enough to have thought such a feat of miraculous revivification possible, it would appear. This rather strange idea also seems to have entered into the mind of an even more deranged individual named Luis Ramirez, a 23-year-old nutcase from Utah, who was arrested last month and charged with allegedly planning a terror attack against a New York synagogue under the seemingly sincere impression he was the reincarnation of Herr Hitler. “The Jews killed me in my past life,” Ramirez complained. That makes another biographical similarity between Hitler and Jesus, then.

Thrown out from military cadet training in Virginia for what were termed “psychological reasons” (e.g., thinking he was Hitler), Ramirez reportedly made a series of lunatic online posts claiming to have been the Nazi leader “in a past life” and threatening to kill “as many Jews as I killed” last time he was down here on Earth. That must have been quite a big synagogue, to have held 6 million people. Or does this all stand as indisputable proof from beyond the grave that this particular number of dead really was a vastly inflated figure after all? Expect Mr. Ramirez to turn up being cited by Darryl Cooper as a reliable historical source upon this very matter on a podcast near you someday soon.

Austrian Becomes Australian
A surprisingly large number of people have thought they were really Hitler reborn down the decades since the real thing’s suicide in the Führerbunker back in 1945—in the sense that I find any number of persons above the number “zero” to be surprising in this particular matter.

An Australian teenager named James William Gibson suddenly began suffering the very same delusion as James Ramirez on Good Friday 2015. It appears Gibson’s father had died in some bushfires, giving his son access to $230,000 in compensation cash, which he chose to spend upon buying what newspapers no doubt accurately called “lots of drugs”—so much drugs that he began thinking he was Adolf Hitler.

Reincarnated in a new body, and being mind-controlled by a secret hidden Nazi regime that broadcast messages from his television set ordering him to kill, Gibson smashed a fellow drug user’s head in with a baseball bat, after he claimed “messages in smoke” had told him his victim was the man responsible for starting the fire that had burned his dad.

Gibson ended up being sentenced to fifteen years behind bars for his crime, but that was in 2015, just before the whole transgender craze began to blitzkrieg its way across the entire Western world. If he appeared in the dock professing to self-ID as being Hitler today, would sympathetic identitarian-minded judges just be minded to take Gibson at his word and compliantly start addressing him by his chosen er/ihm pronouns?

In the 2020s, we would come much closer to finding out. To be “transhitler” is now a whole legitimate queer gender identity, it would appear.

Felix Culpable
Felix Cipher is an extremely unusual transgender Jewish TikToker and fantasy novel author from Colorado who went every bit as unpleasantly viral as typhus in Auschwitz back in 2023 after claiming to self-ID as the reincarnation of his former all-time greatest ethnic enemy. Events began when Felix posted a (now deleted) video online showing off his new nose ring, which was actually a black metallic disc split into three separate sections by a trio of silver arms, but which in practice looked a bit like Hitler’s mustache, intentionally or otherwise. As Cipher also possessed a Hitler-like comb-over and oversize circular Heinrich Himmler-style glasses, and sometimes wore what appeared to be a jacket bearing an image of the Reichsadler, or German Imperial Eagle, some viewers presumed he was posing as a Nazi for some reason.

Playing up to this, Felix the Twat then posted a second video announcing that “I am very in tune with my past lives. My last just happened to be a very infamous one…” He then pointed portentously toward some kind of scar or birthmark on his head, claiming this represented the regenerated bullet wound from where he had shot himself in his Berlin bunker back in ’45. Cipher had been suffering nightmares of murdering himself in this fashion since he was 5 years old, and with his present-day birthmark scar, he pronounced, “You can see right where I shot myself.”

Their interest and outrage piqued, bemused web users soon dug up evidence from Felix’s other online activities to piece together a wider picture of a very curious man indeed. For one thing, he appeared to possess a reputed “egg-laying kink,” defined as being a sexual fantasy in which a person desires to pretend to be an alien, insect, reptile, amphibian, mutant, devil, or other such monster, and then lay eggs into someone, or possibly the other way around; being an avid snake keeper, Felix may actually have easy home access to reptile eggs. Cipher had supposedly compiled an online playlist of appropriate egg-related songs to listen to whilst thinking about such matters. I must confess, the only entry I can currently think of to be included on it would be “I Am the Egg Man” by the Beatles. Or possibly “Lay, Lady, Lay” by Bob Dylan.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, it was also alleged that Felix had “visited mental health facilities.” More surprisingly, it appeared he had since been allowed out of them. Following his queer public “coming out” as a transhitlerian, some traitorous online Gestapo informer told Felix’s then-Axis allies-cum-employers at Tokyo Joe’s fast food chain about his antics, who were then said to have sacked Cipher due to the fact that his status as a Nazi “does not align with our values.” Fortunately, he quickly soon found an alternative position working for Elon Musk.

However, thankfully this was not the Jew-hating Führer of old, whose spirit had, after all, now reincarnated itself within an actual Jewish person’s body, but an entirely new and reformed one, reborn morally as well as spiritually. According to Felix, he did not “believe in racist values like everyone assumes” anymore, being a fan merely of eugenics and “not genocide.”

Rather going against this narrative, though, were Cipher’s actions when a Jewish Holocaust survivor named Gidon Lev, hearing about the weird transboi’s antics, posted an online video commentary criticizing them. In response, Felix directly contacted Lev as follows: “Haha, it’s me! Sorry my men had you in a camp, ol’ pal, but I’m back for a reason.”

Don’t forget, readers, there is no clinical evidence whatsoever that transgender people are ever just mentally ill.

Hire Hitler
Under rare circumstances, it is even possible to make an entire living out of claiming to be the reincarnated avatar of Adolf Hitler. This was the path in life followed by a Kosovo Albanian named Emin Djinovci, who should really have blacked his face up with tarmac and begun calling himself Idi Emin if he wanted to march around pretending to be a dead dictator.

According to Der Daily Mail, Emin specifically “believes he is the Kosovan reincarnation of Adolf Hitler,” but it is unclear whether the man was speaking figuratively here or maybe just using this as an advertising line for his services as a Hitler look-alike for hire. Photos do show a man who looks uncannily like the Führer, but this is largely because he has grown an appropriate mustache and cut his hair in Hitler’s style; saying Emin looks like Hitler is equivalent to saying Charlie Chaplin did when playing him in The Great Dictator.

Djinovci considers the original Hitler his “friend,” because, he says, both hated Serbians and tried to kill them. A former member of the paramilitary Kosovo Liberation Army (KLA), Emin fought against Serbs during the region’s bitter 1990s breakup of Yugoslavia, whilst Hitler allowed Albanian partisans to ethnically cleanse Serbian civilians during WWII. As many of his fellow Kosovans also hate Serbs and want to massacre them, Emin established a series of Nazi-themed restaurants with names like Pizzeria Hitleri following the Yugoslav civil war’s end, until NATO peacekeepers forced him to rebrand them less fascistically.

But Djinovci is still able to earn ein Kruste by wandering around the Kosovan city of Mitrovica carrying a copy of Mein Kampf, sieg-heiling to locals and tourists and selling swastika badges and necklaces—although, he says, he never enters any Serbian-occupied areas of town without carrying a gun, presumably a standard-issue Luger.

Apart from the Serbs, most locals reputedly react to Emin’s presence positively. “Girls like to touch my face,” he says, and he successfully charges $60 to have his photo taken alongside curious passersby. He is even able to hire himself out to attend funerals dressed as Hitler in full Nazi uniform to add a further layer of dignity and class to proceedings, although “That sometimes has a negative effect because those who’ve come to mourn stop crying and talk to me instead.” Surely he can reassure mourners that, just like Adolf himself, their dead relatives will also one day return to comfort them from beyond the veil.

With the above very odd individuals in mind, maybe we could do with Adolf Hitler’s immortal soul engaging in a supernatural seasonal act of imitatio Christi and returning to our Earth plane to cleanse our planet of untermenschen subhuman filth once more this Easter time after all? He could start by killing off this little lot.