January 02, 2013

If you oppose taxing the lifeblood out of the people until their bodies are dried-up like beef jerky, well, you”€™re obviously a racist. Not that there’s any correlation. There doesn”€™t need to be a correlation in a world where feelings trump facts.

So quit hatin”€™, y”€™all! Let some air in this room! Raise that debt ceiling! Raise it so high we can”€™t even see it anymore! Let the clouds roll over our eyes and forever obscure the bad, evil, hateful truth for us! Let us pretend that the iron mallet of Western imperialist mathematics won”€™t strike us in the head! Let us hold hands, regardless of race, creed, gender, or sexuality, and pretend that math doesn”€™t exist! Math is for people who don”€™t like gay marriage and transgendered three-legged hamsters! Math is an illusion, and our feelings are the only things that are real!

It’s hard not to think that the so-called culture wars are a purposely engineered distraction. How about we shelve the idea of government-funded acrylic prosthetic penises for female-to-male transsexuals and slash interest payments to the Federal Reserve instead? Why is that never discussed? That should be the first and most severe spending cut.

Wise up, ye numskulls. Quit thinking of the word “€œtax”€ as a noun and start thinking of it as a verb. That way you”€™ll realize its synonyms include strain, stress, demand, exact, pressure, agitate, annoy, bother, exasperate, gnaw, grate, harass, hassle, irk, irritate, nettle, pester, vile, and hex. Think long and hard about how little say you”€™ve had in how they spend even one penny of the money they demand from you at gunpoint. Start to realize that when a “€œtax break”€ expires, they want you to believe it’s not a “€œtax increase,”€ even though the federal hypodermic is drawing more blood from your veins. Ponder the fact that when a biker gang feels someone has crossed them, they confiscate their money or belongings and call it a “€œtax.”€

You know who’s truly to blame here? Anyone who’s simpleminded enough to think that only one party is to blame here. In the end, all they”€™re doing on Capitol Hill right now is robbing Pedro to pay Pablo. The hospital patient’s long-term prognosis is decidedly negative. To be optimistic is to be stupid.

Oh, and Happy New Year.



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