January 03, 2011

Lehava runs a shelter for women who claim to be fleeing abusive relationships with Arab males. They warn of the perils that will befall anyone who dares get shtupped by an Arabian. They speak of an epidemic where Jewish women are being kidnapped and enslaved in Arab villages. Although it sounds wacky, it parallels what’s also being said by Jewish separatist group Yad L”€™Achim.

Like Lehava, Yad L”€™Achim is said to draw inspiration from the life and teachings of Rabbi Meir Kahane, who for years had warned that if Israel didn”€™t quickly and efficiently expel all non-Jews, it would be drowned into nonexistence by the greasy, swarthy force of Arab breeding rates. Kahane briefly served in Israel’s Knesset before his Kach party was outlawed as racist. One night in 1990, immediately after Kahane delivered yet another pro-separatist speech in Manhattan, an Arab man shot and killed him.

When Kahane was alive, moderate Jews viewed him as a disgrace and loudly condemned him. Modern Israel’s mainstream leaders are likewise publicly disapproving of last month’s sudden ultra-nationalistic eruption. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu criticized the rabbis”€™ ban on renting to Arabs. Defense Minister Ehud Barak said that Lehava’s don”€™t-date-Arabs letter threatened to “€œcarry Israeli society away to dark and dangerous places.”€ Rabbi Gilad Kariv, leader of Israel’s Reform branch of Judaism, offered the letter as proof that “Israeli society is falling into a deep, dark pit of racism and xenophobia.”€

But on the other side of this treacherous 50/50 split among Israel’s Jews, many rabbis don”€™t seem to care. “Racism originated in the Torah,” boasted an unapologetic Rabbi Yosef Scheinen from the Israeli port town of Ashdod. “The land of Israel belongs to the people of Israel. This is what the Holy One, blessed be he, intended.”

Problem is, from a strategic standpoint, both the land of Israel and the people of Israel are fucked”€”in the tuchis, too.

Israel was intended to be a safe haven for Jews but at times more often resembles a bull’s-eye for anti-Semites. It is slightly smaller than New Jersey and hosts a million fewer people. Its dusty land is surrounded by the Arab League countries and non-Arab, Jew-hostile Muslim nations such as Afghanistan, Turkey, Pakistan, and Iran. These antagonistic forces control an aggregate land mass over 800 times larger than Israel. And for every lone Israeli that looks outward at this vast hostile desert, 130 pairs of angry eyes”€”including 65 pairs of angry testicles and 65 angry vaginas”€”are staring back at him. Nearly two thousand years after Masada, the situation still looks a lot like Masada. Maybe Zion wasn”€™t the best place for Zionism to take root after all.

If not politically correct, the slain Rabbi Kahane was mathematically correct”€”it’s a numbers game. If Israel’s Jews don”€™t carve out a spot for themselves in the desert where they can preserve their culture and start droppin”€™ babies like the Allies bombed Dresden, raw numbers will eat them alive. Ideology and “€œnationhood”€ be damned”€”demographics are what drive history.

Forbidding “€œforeigners”€ from pitching tents on your soil and tapping your women’s asses is part of that ancient and eternal battle over life’s essentials: shelter and pussy. The biblical prophet Ezra realized this, which is why he nixed intermarriage in Israel after he returned from Babylon. He even busted up already existing mixed marriages. It’s sort of de rigueur if you want your tribe to survive. Ironically, strict and unyielding segregation may be the only way to make multiculturalism work.

If one were romantically inclined, one might dream of some sort of tear-jerkingly inspirational real-life Jewish/Arab coupling that gets heavily publicized, instantly mythologized, and becomes a modern-day Romeo & Juliet/West Side Story saga that melts away all Middle Eastern cultural barriers and ushers in a pan-religious new alignment where all individuals coexist equally despite the vast and seemingly insoluble differences among them.

If one were a pessimist, you might envision a scenario wherein the wrong Arab male makes the wrong flirtatious gesture toward the wrong Jewish girl. Villagers are alerted, fighting erupts, skirmishes spread into battles, and World War III begins. A simple struggle over a single Jewish cooch may push the panic button that launches the Samson Option.

When the Jews can”€™t even agree among themselves, what the hell hope is there for the rest of the world? I wish them all a bucketful of luck over there. For now, I”€™m happy I live much closer to the Midwest than to the Middle East.


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