Shut the fuck up and go back to your Aztec paradise. Yes, we’re a “nation of immigrants,” but I don’t recall anyone swimming around Ellis Island to get here.

You’re the cornmeal-knurling douches who back in 2005 distributed 1.5 million copies of a cartoon pamphlet that instructs Mexicans how to stay safe while swimming across rivers and walking across deserts to enter the USA. (A Spanish-language PDF of that notorious help-yourself-to-America manual is available in all its pepper-flavored audaciousness HERE.)

Doesn’t Article 37 of your General Population Law permit your own immigration officials to forbid entry to foreigners “When the national demographic equilibrium demands it” and “When it is considered harmful to the economic interests of Mexicans”? What makes you so high and mighty that you ascend an imaginary milk crate to pretend you’re taller than us?

You’re the piñata-clubbing putos who recently ejaculated $2 billion of your own peasantry’s taxes to reinforce your own southern border, and suddenly you’re lecturing us?

After a couple dozen headless bodies were recently found in northern Guatemala, that nation’s president said, “They are invading us….And either the countries of Central America join together to fight them or they will defeat us and finish off our democracies.”

Now that’s the kind of president I can get behind. The guy we have up here, not unknown for racial pandering in order to win votes, wants everyone and their mother—or their aunt—to just walk on in and help themselves to whatever’s in the fridge.

As far as I can determine—which is pretty far on a cloudless day—the Amazing Progressive Technicolor Dreamcoat is up in arms about Georgia’s new law because it permits the possibility that someone somewhere may be required to produce identification when being investigated for a crime.

That’s harsh, brah. That takes my high and bums it way down low.

But what are the costs for the average American household, already punch-drunk from the economic collapse, to allow the illegal-immigration racket to proceed unhindered? I realize that certain “creative types” love to focus on potential hurt feelings rather than imminent financial catastrophe, but these sort of things cost money, children.

According to the most reliable accounting I’ve seen—one which excludes legal adult immigrants but includes the educational and medical tabs run up by the “anchor babies”—each one of those oft-scorned “average American households” is forced to pay over $1,000 a year to cover the costs accrued by these “undocumented individuals” and their spawn. And that calculation includes all of the tax revenues that these brave and humble un-naturalized soil-tillers reputedly pump into our system. Even after the taxes are tallied, illegal immigrants cost America over a hundred freakin’ billion dollars yearly.

When was the last time the ACLU cared about my “right” not to be extorted?

So rather than endure the intense and ineradicable guilt I’d suffer for selfishly insisting that everyone else produce the same sort of documentation that’s routinely asked of me when I’m stopped for running a red light, you’re saying that I should willingly fork over a thousand dollars…every year…forever?

I believe the Spanish word for “no” is “no.”