Rob Reiner

Source: Bigstock

It being the Christmas season, I considered what might be the most uncharitable, Scrooge-like argument I could possibly make in this column in order to thereby mark the traditional festive period of absolutely no charity and ill will to all men—and then Donald Trump beat me to it by saying Rob and Michele Reiner deserved to get stabbed.

According to a social media post of Donald’s, put out while the Reiners’ blood, reportedly spilled by their disturbed-sounding druggie son Nick, was still warm and sticky:

Rob Reiner, a tortured and struggling, but once very talented movie director and comedy star, has passed away, together with his wife, Michele, reportedly due to the anger he caused others through his massive, unyielding, and incurable affliction with a mind crippling disease known as TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME, sometimes referred to as TDS. He was known to have driven people CRAZY by his raging obsession of President Donald J. Trump, with his obvious paranoia reaching new heights as the Trump Administration surpassed all goals and expectations of greatness, and with the Golden Age of America upon us, perhaps like never before. May Rob and Michele rest in peace!

It’s that final “rest in peace!” at the end there that really gets me; almost as if the Enola Gay had dropped a nice little Hallmark sympathy card down onto Hiroshima after the bombing, saying, “Sorry for your loss.” And that jaunty little exclamation mark, too—I must confess, that’s one piece of punctuation I’ve yet to see appear on anyone’s gravestone.

Adding Insult to Injury
In the wake of Trump’s tasteless but amusingly self-obsessed post, even fellow members of the Republican Party expressed their disgust. Kentucky congressman Thomas Massie defied anyone who ordinarily supported Trump, even up to the level of Vice President J.D. Vance, to be able to coherently defend it:

Regardless of how you felt about Rob Reiner, this is inappropriate and disrespectful discourse about a man who was just brutally murdered. I guess my elected GOP colleagues, the VP, and White House staff will just ignore it because they’re afraid? I challenge anyone to defend it.

Challenge accepted!

Personally, I have no previous animus against Rob Reiner or his less famous wife whatsoever. Being English, I was barely even aware of him. To me, All in the Family was just the shit lefty agitprop version of the far superior U.K. original Till Death Us Do Part “let’s all laugh at the stupid bigot!” sitcom, and I was not even aware Reiner had appeared on it. I knew the name and was able to associate it with past movies I’d enjoyed, like This Is Spinal Tap, and past movies I had studiously avoided, like When Harry Met Sally…, but if you’d asked me what I thought about his political activism, I would only honestly have been able to reply, “What political activism?”

Rob was not that well-known across the Atlantic. When news of his stabbing first broke, I guarantee the mistaken reaction of at least 75 percent of the British population will have been, “What, that gay judge off the telly?” (That Robert Rinder joke will make about as much sense to the average American as a Rob Reiner joke will to the average Brit, thereby making my point; click on the link if you don’t understand it.)

So, I have zero prior kitchen knife to grind against Mr. or Mrs. Reiner, and no genuine views about the departed pair either way, but shall do my best to help Mr. Vance out if he should ever find himself compelled to respond to Mr. Massie’s stimulating wager nonetheless, needing to demonstrate compliant public fealty toward his Big Orange Overlord.

Traditionally, opinion columnists are supposed to write columns containing opinions they actually hold (except Candace Owens, unless she actually is that mentally ill), but in this specific instance, as a special Christmas present to the VP, I thought I’d make an exception.

Rob the Rich
As may or may not be well-known to you depending upon which side of the pond you are reading this, Rob Reiner was the archetypal Hollywood lefty, a major Democrat donor and campaigner, who played key roles in getting Obama and Biden elected, not to mention passing gay marriage laws in California. He also enjoyed decrying Donald Trump as a “Nazi,” reflecting the fact that Reiner and his wife were both Jewish. Apparently, such pure Democrat royalty was he, the Obamas will be attending the Reiners’ funeral. I had rather hoped it might be the other way around.

In 2003, Rob appeared in a memorable episode of the adult cartoon South Park, where he was mercilessly lampooned for his continual offscreen efforts to ban smoking, including (in the cartoon, not in real life) plotting to kill a child and then pass it off as being due to infant lung cancer contracted from an illicit underage 10,000-a-day cigarette habit.

Exposed as a fascist who wishes to steal away ordinary working people’s free will, like all such Hollywood “liberals” do, Reiner ends up being stabbed to death by his intended victim at the episode’s end, something some excited commenters today have viewed as an uncanny prediction of his genuine 2025 demise at the hands of his own knife-wielding child (albeit on South Park, Reiner is actually murdered with a sharp fork, so the cutlery is inaccurate).

What was it about Reiner’s activism that made so many children want to stab him? According to South Park, it was his immense, aloof, privileged hypocrisy. Confronted with the “immoral” sight of a sawmill employee lighting up in a bar after a soul-destroying twelve-hour shift working his hands to the bone, Reiner bursts into a self-righteous libtard rage; if the primitive prole must relax after work, why can’t he just fly out to his Malibu beachfront holiday home like Reiner himself does?

The Nick of Crime
Reiner was particularly interested in promoting educational causes for schoolchildren. In 1997, he funded a program in California called “I Am Your Child,” all about informing parents of the immense importance of bonding with your baby during its early years—prior to its launch, nobody had ever known such facts before, most parents tending to lock their children inside darkened ovens full of spiders until they reached the age of 18 and could legally be thrown out of the house.

Yet, some daring critics-cum-sociopaths have asked, who was Rob to preach on this? Was he a good father himself? I don’t know, but his son Nick, now 32, has stated that his dad failed to bond with him in his own infancy, something linked, rightly or wrongly, to the way he spent so much of his spare time showily campaigning for the well-being of other people’s children while hypocritically neglecting that of his own, like Dickens’ Mrs Jellyby. Perhaps this was part of the reason Nick became a teenage meth head, going into rehab aged only 15?

In the wake of the Reiners’ murders, a spoof tweet (apparently written by a satirist) went viral, implying the “true” reason Nick wielded his knife was because he was a mentally ill tranny who had been encouraged to go down that route by his show-off parents to help burnish their liberal credentials:

Sources reveal that Nick…had recently begun transitioning into a woman, pumped full of hormones with his parents’ full throated support and enablement of his body dysphoria. This…horror show isn’t just a family nightmare; it’s President Donald J. Trump’s vindication against the radical left’s push to normalize mental health crises under the guise of “inclusivity,” turning vulnerable individuals into ticking time bombs. Trump’s America First policies would slam the brakes on this madness, banning hormone experiments on the unstable and restoring sanity before more innocents pay the price…. As America reels from this elite Hollywood betrayal, Trump’s triumphant message rings clear: wake up and stop the radical left’s madness before it claims more lives. Democrats like Rob Reiner preach tolerance while their own backyard erupts in violence, proving their agenda is a death-trap disguised as compassion. With Trump at the helm, we’ll crush this one world woke takeover, safeguard our values, and ensure tragedies like the Reiner murders become relics of a failed liberal era, making America safe and great again.

Presumably the satirist’s point in spreading this wholly invented rumor was, “Beware how MAGA will exploit this lethal family tragedy to push their own false policy agenda.” But would such a described policy agenda really be false?

Maine Character Syndrome
Another loony American child who stabbed his parents—and their pet Chihuahua—to death was “Andrea” Balcer, a “trans woman” (as in, an emotionally disturbed man) who did the deed back in 2016. Andrea/Andrew/Whatever-the-Fuck said he did it because his parents, and presumably even their transphobic pet dog, had refused to acknowledge he was now a woman, primarily because he wasn’t. In the back of the police van after being arrested, this completely sane individual even sang a Pavarotti song: Real women can’t be tenors, only sopranos.

Rather more accommodating than his dead family were the authorities in Democrat-controlled Maine, who #BeKindly sentenced Balcer to forty years behind bars—in a women’s prison. Ultimately, then, the Democrats actively rewarded a mad parent-slayer with public affirmation of “her” preferred gender here, for all the world to see. That’s what the Rob Reiners of this world would call “kindness.”

This April, however, Donald Trump’s administration intervened to strip Maine’s prison system of all “non-essential funding” (if it’s “non-essential,” why were they getting it in the first place?) unless and until they submitted to simple physical reality and placed Balcer inside a prison for “persons with cocks” instead. That’s what the Rob Reiners of this world would call “fascism.”

At some big Hollywoodland “Well Done, Everyone, for Being So Gay Awards” bumfest thing in 2019, in his sainted role as a pro-trans activist, Rob Reiner made a speech saying the following, subsequently re-jizzed all over lefty media after his slaying:

“We have to move past singling out transgender, LGBTQ, black, white, Jewish, Muslim, Latino. We have to get way past that and start accepting the idea that we’re all human beings. We’re all human beings, we all share the same planet, and we should all have the same rights, period. [Or maybe even we should all have the same periods, right?] It’s no more complicated than that.”

Try making that same speech via Ouija board in Lebanon, Rob. Or, indeed, in what still remains of the Balcer household. “It’s no more complicated than that.” Except it clearly is, isn’t it?

Like Picasso once said about art, the fake tweet about Nick Reiner supposedly being a cross-dresser was (inadvertently) a lie that told the truth: that Hollywood liberals like the Reiners are always quite happy to ruin the family lives of little people like the Balcers, just so long as they can ponce around polishing their halos in front of superstar political “greats” like the Obamas, as that fine old episode of South Park once implied. Donald Trump was wrong: Rob and Michele Reiner didn’t have TDS, Trump Derangement Syndrome, but SDS, Self Deification Syndrome.

So, there you go, J.D.: If you really are ever asked to publicly defend your boss about what he just idiotically tweeted, vomit all that back out, just in your own words and shorn of all the giveaway Anglicisms, obscure literary and pop-culture references, swearing, and dick jokes.

In the meantime, rest in peace, Rob and Michele!