These types of accusations are now so common in the U.K. that a support group has been set up for the victims-of-the-victims. In Northern Ireland, things have gone even further, with a man who was unanimously acquitted now forced to issue an apology to his anonymous accuser. Still keeping up?

My second guilty party—if you’ll forgive the pun—is that great visionary of the post-Habsburg era, Count Richard Coudenhove-Kalergi. It was he who hit upon the splendid insight that building a “pan-Europa” required interbreeding to break down cultural loyalties and make populations prone to a new elitism (his father was from the last generation of Austro-Hungarian superelite, you see). Now, mention the Kalergi plan a few bottles into a European dinner party and you’ll be called paranoid. I’d agree—were it not for the fact that it appears to be happening before our eyes. Lord Bramall’s half century of stolid Anglican sex with Lady Bramall? Call the cops! A legion of taxi drivers and kebab chefs menacing their underage victims into silence? Meh. Actually, the “meh” went even further when a female Labour MP tweeted that victims should “keep their mouths shut” for the sake of the Kalergi plan (okay, she actually said “diversity”—but it’s the same thing).

What is a white male to do, up against such odds? Fortunately the selfsame forces have unwittingly provided us with the perfect get-out: become a woman! “Transitioning” now provides men with carte blanche to rape and pillage at will—whether in a ladies’ washroom or a ladies’ prison. Some of Britain’s top drawer of sex offenders are now rushing to claim this privilege, with nearly half of transgender inmates falling into that category. Double child murderer Ian Huntley has asked to be called Nicola, and is undoubtedly licking his chops at the prospect of transfer to the ladies’ wing. How impatient they must be to have him! And how fine the state’s duty of care to the incarcerated ladies of the criminal class! If I were a British taxpayer, I would sign off my return with an added flourish knowing my shekels were going to such a fine cause.

If maleness becomes criminalized any further, we may all have to follow where these pioneers have led, if only to be allowed a sniff at a bit of skirt. I’ll be keeping an eye on the situation a little longer before becoming Bunkita—but hey, it’s good to know there’s a lifeboat waiting.

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