Poor Little Lindsay Lohan

June 14, 2010

In a way, Lindsay Lohan reminds me of myself and some of the kids I grew up with in New York, minus the fame, the common parents, and the Long Island address. Like many kids who grow up too fast, she did it all before the age of 21. When I met Lindsay at a dinner in Los Angeles about seven years ago I found her charming, and was impressed that she held her own at a table of people at least 10 years her senior. Of course she sought attention, and had that look-at-me star quality, but I liked her nevertheless.

At this point, I don”€™t want to hear another word about the damned Lohans. Half, if not more than half, of what we read about Lindsay in the press is probably nonsense. The troubling rumors are only exacerbated by the feuding parents in the background who have chosen to sling pathetically childish insults at each other via the New York Post and any other media outlet that will listen. Dina and Michael should be put down, and whoever that idiotic judge is who seems to think the law is going to help Lindsay has clearly had his brain fried by the L.A. heat.

The vile paparazzi show absolutely no decorum in their portrayal of her, and she has no big studio or protective godfather figure controlling her image. Every talking head on the E channel has an opinion about this girl, and the world just can”€™t seem to get enough of her. It all sounds like hell to me, especially since the poor thing can”€™t even soothe the pressure with a cocktail since the aforementioned judge put an alcohol monitoring bracelet on her ankle.

“I imagine Dina fears losing her meal ticket, and so she leans on Lindsay’s back, and keeps her just weak enough so that Lindsay can”€™t conceive of upholding her family at a safe distance.”

Out of the squall, a simple truth has failed to come into view: Lindsay Lohan is a talented young girl who has not been shown any of the tenderness a young girl, especially one as sensitive as she is, deserves. Lindsay has been used, abused, and thrown to the wolves. People see her as a joke. A party girl who gets high, falls down, and does it all over again and again. This may not be entirely unjustified, the girl likes to have fun, but why shouldn”€™t she? Hasn”€™t she earned her right to spend her money on booze and drugs if she pleases?

Though I can only speculate, it seems obvious that Lindsay is her family’s only real source of income. As a result, her ghastly stage mother appears to be the biggest problem facing the young star. I am no shrink, but it looks like Dina’s way to keep her family in the style to which they have come to know is to keep a firm grip on Lindsay. I imagine Dina fears losing her meal ticket, and so she leans on Lindsay’s back, and keeps her just weak enough so that Lindsay can”€™t conceive of upholding her family at a safe distance.

Little Lindsay is too young and inexperienced to truly understand she is the victim of her naive parents, though one day she will, and Dina will pay a heavy price for her sins. In the meantime, foolish businessmen seduced by bright young women and the lure of a Hollywood paycheck turn Lindsay into a laughable sensation. Anyone in their right mind could have guessed that a young actress who has only ever been seen wearing leggings would not be qualified to design dresses for a once reputable fashion house like Emanuel Ungaro.

Lohan will soon star in Lovelace, a film about the 70s porn actress. Will it be a career-defining role a la Charlize Theron in Monster or more of a Dirk Diggler in the 80s moment? Lets hope it’s the former, and that Lohan manages to stop being so silly. She shouldn”€™t be missing court dates and wearing SCRAM bands. I”€™d like to give her a few tips because back when I was in crisis and rebellion, I did it without ever getting caught. But then, I had a lady as a role model, not a stage mother.


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