October 14, 2016
Red Snapper
Source: Bigstock
“Well, think about the visual we”re giving people here. The word “grab” implies grasping, taking a firm grip. I could understand if it was a woman doing it to a man”that would be easy, because there’s something to grab. “Grab.” Perfect word. How do you grab in the first place?”
“You can grab anything”and you”re right, I don”t like the visual.”
“We should get a quote from Gian Verdelli.”
“Who?”
“You know, the guy in Brooklyn who’s been arrested 169 times for groping women on the subway. Every time he gets out of Riker’s Island, the cops just follow him to the subway, wait for him to make his move, re-arrest him, take him back to Riker’s.”
“He would know.”
“We should ask Gian if it’s a grab or more of a rub. But if it is a grab, what are the mechanics of that?”
“And why would we want to do that?”
“To figure out exactly what he was planning to do. Or what he did do.”
“Why is that important?”
“It’s the difference between a felony and a misdemeanor!”
“I don”t think people care about the technique used.”
“Yeah, right, Stewart, all they care about is the word pussy.”
“It’s offensive to women.”
“I don”t think so. George Carlin called it a snapper. Is that offensive to women? I think snapper is worse than pussy, and George Carlin said that on tv.”
“We”re not going locker room with this.”
“You know what? I”ve been in hundreds of locker rooms, and I would say that, of the top fifty things men talk about doing to women, pussy-grabbing is not even on the list. This is more of a fetish. This is a weirdbeard billionaire real-estate developer thing.”
“Exactly.”
“So why do we care whether or not he said pussy, as opposed to beaver, box, furburger, baby cannon, quim, vag, or sausage wallet?”
“We”re going with p dash dash dash y.”
“The eighth graders aren”t gonna like it.”
