September 14, 2011
Dear Jealous Hubby in Hyannis,
The great news is your husband after 10 years still loves you enough to get jealous. As long as he is not filing for divorce, calling you a slut, or threatening to harm the ex or you, why not revel in his insecurity for a while? If you don’t overdo it, his jealousy could be quite a potent elixir for you! Jealousy is part of a healthy relationship. To be fair to your husband, once you knew you were going to have dinner with the ex, you should have told your husband about your past with this man. The fact that he discovered it from the ex at dinner could signal to your already possessive husband that you were trying to keep it a secret because you still carry a torch. You sent him into an ambush when he did not even know he was at war. You’re just lucky your Tarzan did not make a scene or throw a punch at the dinner table. So stay calm, be nice, and keep telling your husband you love him. Avoid getting angry, telling him he is stupid, showing any emotion, or engaging in any conversation about the ex; that will only prove that you really may still carry a torch, and the jealousy will escalate. And if you don’t want to burn down the house you’ve built with your husband, by all means throw away that torch!
PANIC AT THE COUNTRY CLUB
I am really upset. This evil woman that I simply detest managed with her slutty, fame-seeking, social-climbing, ass-kissing ways to weasel herself a membership at my club. I didn’t even know she was trying to get into the club; otherwise, I would have tried to pull together a revolt to stop such insanity. But now that she is in, I am desperate. What can I do? Should I try to get her thrown out?
—Helpless in The Hamptons
Dear Helpless in The Hamptons,
If you are really so interested in the club’s goings-on, pay more attention! Club politics can come around and bite you in the butt as fast as you can say humdinger. Get more involved and make sure that another doozy of a social-climbing slut doesn’t get past you again. If you are too scared to put your own neck on the line, try to coax an appropriate friend into getting involved so you can protect yourself safely from behind the trenches. Look at the rules and figure out if there is a way to get someone kicked out. If there is a clause such as “behavior unbecoming a member,” start working on proof. Hiring a private eye is a good start. If there is no way to get the social-climbing slut kicked out, make her feel unwelcome. Who really cares if she is a member as long as she is too embarrassed or too scared to show up at the club? Think of ways to freeze her out and make it clear she is unwelcome. Get some advice about ostracism techniques and strategies from the over-70 crowd: the older, the wiser. If she is as bad as she sounds, it will not be hard to put the kibosh on her.