April 27, 2011

Dear Delphi,

I have been married for five years and trying to get pregnant for the past year. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, my husband gets diagnosed with MS about a month ago. I can”€™t believe my bad luck! I really want to have babies, but now he is “€œunsure”€ about what he wants. I guess I still love him but I want to leave; we just don”€™t want the same things anymore. When do you think I can leave? Is next month too soon? Three months? A week? Have I already stayed too long? What do I say? Do you have any ideas about how to make a graceful exit?

“€”Bitch? in Berlin

Dear Bitch? in Berlin,

You don”€™t need the question mark. You”€™re a bitch. And no, I don”€™t have any ideas on how to help you find a heart short of running into Dorothy on her way to see The Wizard of Oz. But for now, quit being a bitch and give him a minute to get his bearings. For the love of all that’s holy, this man just found out he has a life-altering, crippling disease; do you think you can delay your baby train for six months or even a year to let him think about what has happened, what it means, and what he wants?

“€œIf I had to choose, I”€™d let the dog live and I”€™d euthanize you.”€

Sure your first impulse is to run from a burning building, but you don”€™t leave your husband or child to die alone in the fire! Maybe he will decide he wants children, but after your appalling bedside manner he may decide he doesn”€™t want someone like you for their mother. Stop thinking about yourself for five seconds and start thinking about your husband. Give the poor man a break. “€œIn sickness and in health”€ is supposed to be taken literally. It is intended to dissuade people from dishonorably running away from the sick and dying…you horrible, selfish bitch.


Dear Delphi,

I really”€”make that really, really, REALLY”€”want my 12-year-old daughter to dye her hair blonde. She has awful mouse-brown hair and doesn”€™t even realize how bad it looks. I think she would look better, have more fun, and be more accepted by society if she were blonde. I always imagined it would be more fun to be blonde. Problem is, she keeps refusing. I keep showing her magazines and telling her that celebrities change their hair color all the time, but she is simply not interested. I”€™ve even thought about trying to dye her hair while she’s sleeping, but she”€™d probably wake up. What can I do? They”€™ve done studies”€”life is better as a blonde. If she would just try she would see how much better it would be! What’s her problem?

“€”Defiant Daughter in Mobile


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