June 07, 2016

Source: Bigstock

And since the whole “€œcrunchy con“€ thing never really died, brace yourselves for increasingly frequent paeans to veganism coming from the right. (Especially if you”€™re Canadian: “€œWe”€ have just endorsed gay “€œmarriage,”€ I see, and it looks like carbon taxes are next. And even if you aren”€™t: As noted in these very “€œpages,”€ “€œCanada is also about 15 years ahead of the USA down the murderous path of instituting Cultural Marxism as a state religion…”€)

Look, my partiality to animals over (most) people is a matter of record. My first, and lasting, reaction to the Harambe gorilla bummer was “€œStupid kid.”€ Although I”€™m grateful that this incident, unlike the saga of Cecil the lion, at least provided plenty of heart-lightening joke fodder. Who else was somewhat startled by reports of a black mom and dad (a) being together and (b) taking their kids to something like a zoo? And Black Twitter anted up heedlessly even for them: “€œIf the boy was black they would”€™ve found a tranquilizer,”€ opined one (how could I make this up?) “€œHood Intellect“€”€”a sentiment that ricocheted out of control until it turned out the boy really was black, so… Old and tired? “€œWe wuz kingz.”€ Fleeting new hotness? “€œWe wuz kongz.”€

My beef with vegans is the same one I have with potheads and Gamergaters: They”€™re probably right. But I still can”€™t stand them.

Most vegans I”€™ve met are constipated, spindly, bike-helmeted bores, that particularly annoying subspecies of Homo sapiens one might classify notsocleverasithinkiamecus.

Even my comparatively agreeable old housemates are individuals I hope never to meet again, and I guarantee the feeling is mutual. I can”€™t help but think of that obscure World War II comedy “€œanswer song“€:

“€œHow Ya Gonna Keep “€™Em Down on the Farm”€”After They”€™ve Seen the Farm?”€


Sign Up to Receive Our Latest Updates!