Notes From the Edge

Seven Ideas You Can Never Discuss on Television

April 03, 2011

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George Carlin

4. THE ENTIRE “€œJEW”€ THING HAS BECOME RIDICULOUS.
“€œAnti-Semitism”€ is a term used to describe some inexplicable mystery virus that, against all odds, has infected the hearts of nearly every ethnic group that has ever encountered Jews everywhere on Earth throughout history. Although many modern Jews aren”€™t technically Semites, you can be labeled anti-Semitic merely for stating this fact. I suppose it’s also anti-Semitic to point out that ancient Hebrews were pioneers in the art of genocide. Experts on “€œracism,”€ who tend to be disproportionately Jewish, blabber freely about “€œwhite privilege”€ and white over-representation in the corridors of power and finance, but to suggest that something such as “€œJewish privilege”€ exists in even more absurdly disproportionate numbers is to risk permanent banishment from the discussion table. People routinely get fired by powerful Jews for suggesting that Jews have too much power, whereas you get a promotion for suggesting that WASPs are over-privileged. And do we dare mention the innate cosmic racism underlying the whole “€œGod’s chosen people”€ thing?

5. ISLAM IS STUPID TO THE CORE.
For a moment, blot from your mind all the prehistoric fatwas, inbreeding, beheading, clit-slicing, stoning, and fag-bashing. Forget that Muhammad was a pedophile. Dismiss the idea that Islam is far more guilty of every fascistically intolerant cultural iniquity for which the “€œChristian right”€ usually gets hammered. Don”€™t think about the fact that the Arab slave trade in Africa predated and dwarfed Europe’s slave trade. I hope you never learn that Muslims captured and enslaved at least a million white Europeans, because it might subvert your internal narrative. Don”€™t think for a minute about the fact that the literal translation of the word Islam”€””€œsubmission”€”€”runs counter to every Western notion of freedom and individuality. Don”€™t even think about all the contradictions in a book deemed so holy, you can get killed for sneezing near it. No, flush all that from your consciousness and ponder for a moment that a quarter or more of the Earth’s population actually believes in a supreme being who’s so insecure and dependent upon your approval, he throws baby tantrums if you don”€™t submit. There is no conceivable intellectual defense of a religion founded on such a stupid premise. Quit making false distinctions between “€œextreme”€ and “€œmoderate”€ Islam”€”it’s all retarded.

6. WOMEN AREN”€™T TOTALLY INNOCENT AND HELPLESS.
Although there isn”€™t a person alive who hasn”€™t met a despicable woman, it remains heretical to imply that women may possibly be human beings, and as such, they may be capable of acting with willful malice toward others. Despite the fact that nearly every sociological study of family violence ever conducted has concluded that women hit men at least as frequently as the inverse, “€œdomestic violence”€ is still viewed as an exclusively male-on-female phenomenon. But who needs muscles when you have WMDs such as societal prejudice and the law squarely on your side? In her book When She Was Bad, author Patricia Pearson argued that until puberty, boys and girls both express aggression physically. Around age 12 women turn to more sophisticated tactics for intentionally inflicting harm: gossip, shaming, and false accusations. It’s like on Seinfeld where Elaine explains that instead of giving one another wedgies, girls tease each other until they develop eating disorders. False rape charges, as well as phony claims of domestic abuse and sexual harassment, have become commonplace. The double standard is so lopsided, female spousal abusers are even permitted to become Secretary of State without it ever becoming an issue in their vetting process.

7. THINGS MAY NEVER GET BETTER.
Egalitarianism is merely another shortsighted and unworkable utopian scheme”€”not the first, but it may be the last. Advertisers aren”€™t banking on the idea that the world may fall apart soon, so you don”€™t get much doomsday prophesying on television. Despite overpopulation, peak oil, collapsing financial systems, environmental catastrophes, and deeply frayed cultural moorings, most people still operate under the dimwitted assumption that untold billions of collectivized humans is a sustainable project and that humanity will one day come galloping in on a white pony to rescue itself from itself. Both the “€œleft”€ and the “€œright”€ pretend they have the answer, but they are mere flippers on the same thalidomide baby, and the truth is that neither side has a clue. But you won”€™t hear that on television, because it might lead you to turn off the boob tube and start living while you still have time.

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