June 29, 2011


Dear Delphi,

I am a 58-year-old woman and I still feel young. I am married to a 65-year-old man who does not feel so young, meaning his sex drive has wilted like an old flower drooping out of a cracked vase. I recently made a friend—a male friend—chatting on the Internet about recipes and cooking (I love to cook). We ended up exchanging numbers to talk about recipes on the phone, and one thing led to another, which eventually led to sexting. Do you think that is cheating?

—Love Sexting in Singapore

Dear Love Sexting in Singapore,

Obviously you are not physically cheating on your husband. But ask yourself this: Would your husband be hurt and angry if he found out you were sexting with another man? Would he leave you? If the answers are yes, there you have it—you are cheating.

If you want a more in-depth analysis, it depends where you and your husband stand on “emotional cheating.” Can he look at other women, or do you consider that a betrayal? If you have an erotic dream about another man, do you tell him? Does watching porn make you or him upset or cause fights? Maybe you are a very open couple and go to swapping parties on a regular basis. It is hard for me to say if sexting is cheating without knowing more about your personal life. Do you fantasize about the messages as a warmup for your husband, or do you wait for a night when your husband isn’t home so you can go all-out with the sexting chef?

“You will get old and feeble and maybe lose your mind, so be nice to your children while you can.”

It depends on perspective and context. For example, if a father killed the man who raped his daughter, I would call it justice; others would call it murder. So even if cheating feels like justice, it might wind up with murder.

If we want to be technical and leave emotions alone, then sexting would not be considered full-blown cheating but rather a courting technique. So that would make you a married woman engaging in a provocative courtship with a man who is not your husband and who has a common interest. Very dangerous! So if you don’t want to become a bona fide, no-doubt-about-it cheater, be very careful! Start sexting with your husband and store the chef’s messages somewhere special where your husband will never find them.



Dear Delphi,

My father was a real son-of-a-bitch, and I guess I really do believe in karma and that everything you do will come back and bite you in the ass, because now my father is alone, 73, and suffering from Alzheimer’s. Nothing would give me more pleasure than to send him to a dark, gloomy old folks’ home and forget he ever existed, but my wife, who had a great dad, is making me feel guilty about letting him die alone in one of those places. She wants me to take him in, feed him, give him a bed, and let him use our shower. I’d prefer to leave him unwashed, then hang him out to dry.

—Home Care? in Honolulu


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