July 10, 2012
Since women (and not a few men) obviously love a man in uniform, where is all the porn featuring the Royal Canadian Mounted Police?
Dirty cops are an X-rated staple, and “the UPS guy” has almost driven the once-ubiquitous “mailman” out of the porn business.
Even Nazis get to go where Mounties fear to tread. Those sleek black (Hugo Boss-designed) SS getups can get under even the most surprising skins: During the Eichmann trial in Israel, “Stalag” porn became Ãber-popular sexual samizdat.
So this slightly put-out Canuck wonders: What’s wrong with the RCMP, eh? Their uniforms are pretty sharp, too. And Due South fandom was rabid.
Yet there’s a distinct Mountie-porn void, one that violates a law of the Internet”“Rule 34″ to be exact, which declares, “If it exists, there is porn of it.”
I Googled “mountie porn” and got plenty of news stories about real-life Mounties up on (as it were) porn charges.
The latest and most embarrassing development concerns one Cpl. Jim Brown, who allegedly “breached professional standards when he appeared in bondage images”showing a booted man with his foot on the back of a woman on her hands and knees wrapped in cellophane….”
It’s unclear from the photo in question whether those are regulation-issue RCMP boots he’s pushing onto said lady’s arched back.
The RCMP are famously stupid and corrupt. The Wikipedia page devoted to that very topic includes entries about the “Killing of Inuit Sled Dogs,” the “Theft of dynamite,” and the notorious (up here) “Barn-burning scandal.”
But not even that sinister streak has made Mounties attractive to porn producers. My Google search turned up not a single video”pro or am, straight or gay”entitled Diddley Do Right or Studly Do Wrong or Musical Ride or Raoul Gets His Man! or Red Surge #12.
All I could find was a 16-minute (not safe for work) clip of porn actress Letha Weapons starring in The Mountie, yet the only connection seemed to be that she was wearing what looked like a Mountie hat before consorting with a mullet-headed man who clearly wasn”t dressed as a Mountie.
