December 21, 2009

Hack journalist discovers peak Tiger Woods theory

A distraught would be hack celebrity journalist today decried the way in which the media was draining the limited resources of Tiger Woods mistress stories.

Tim Worstall, speaking exclusively to Takimag, spoke out about the way in which the irreplacable stocks of tales of sexual misconduct by Tiger Woods were being wasted.

“We used to think that there was no shortage, that we could carry on mining and pumping out reports of yet another Tiger Woods mistress for ever. There were no limits to our environment and every day brought another cocktail waitress or hooker with which we could run a front page story.” he said. Worstall continued “How wrong we were: now the count has reached 18 we’re struggling to find more. The well has run dry and we’re reduced, like some desperate motorist screaming for just another gallon or two of gas, to running stories about how Tiger’s mother thinks he’s been a very naughty boy.

“We should have been more careful with this natural resource and not wasted it in a orgy of conspicuous consumption. After all, it’s taken Tiger nearly five years of marriage to produce and yet we’ve consumed it all in just three weeks.” Worstall concluded.

M. King Hubbert would be 106 years old.

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