June 05, 2008

Hail To The Great She Elephant

In “Just Say No to Billary,” my friend G. Tracy Mehan, III writes that “

If Caroline Kennedy wants to do Barack Obama a favor, she will kill the idea of Hillary Clinton as his vice-presidential nominee-pronto.

The daughter of the late President John F. Kennedy, along with two other prominent Democrats, has been chosen by Senator Obama to pursue the search for his running mate for the general election campaign.”

But Caroline’s defection from the erstwhile feminist camp does not preclude Senator Clinton’s fulfilling her ambitions offshore- America is almost unique in limiting the election of the foreign born. So the question naturally arises :
Will Hillary Clinton be the next president of Kenya?

It takes a village to raise a president. At present , the most electable figure in Kenyan politics is Barack Obama ?s grandma, but like him, she suffers from political inexperience, her village not being wired for electricity, electicity, or for that matter, the Internet.  Not Hillary. Running for President and Vice-President of Kenya, a Clinton-Obama ticket would be a shoo-in by a five fly whisk margin. Once elected, her new matriarchal power base could network with nearby nations in search of Presidential timber to apply African family values to ridding the region of the deplorable likes of Mugabe and Mbeke.

The key to this new strategy is a principle dear to social conservatives- traditional marriage.

The age old custom of polyandry would allow Her Excellency Clinton to instantly ally with the ruling houses of East and South Africa, power sharing Bill, our former first black president, with the Great She Elephant of Lesotho would upstage Caroline Kennedy ,  while a polygamous exchange of vows with Winnie Mandela would reinforce the rainbow coalition and return Degeneris to the post-feminist fold. Nowhere in the Constitution does it say our chief executive may not undertake multitasking with a vengeance and having one who was simultaneously Head of several States would revolutionize our UN diplomacy, and make America the envy of foreign princes and potentates.

But whence would come the expanded staff Hillary would need ?  Out of Africa, of course.  No continent affords a faster education in foreign policy , or a larger talent pool to provide an incoming Washington administration with K Street operatives. Imagine what the cream of the millions of Nigerians presently employed in writing e-mails offering unclaimed fortunes could do for the letters columns of The American Spectator and the Daily Kos, or the Op-ed page of The Washington Times ?

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