December 10, 2008

The Quotable Blagojevich

When the Blagojevich scandal first broke, I didn’t expect it to yield such “instant classic” fruit. 

Thus spoke Rod on the subject of Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat:

?I?ve got this thing and it?s f***ing golden, and, uh, uh, I?m just not giving it up for f***in? nothing.?

This has got to be right up there with, “Bitch set me up!” in terms of great political discourse. And speaking of the quotable Marion Barry, when I googled “bitch set me up!” (just to make sure I got it right), I found this webpage that’s nothing less than a Barry Chestomathy. So for your reading pleasure, here are some more examples of Marion’s wit and wisdom: 

“The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather.”

“I promise you a police car on every sidewalk.”

“If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate.”

“First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I’m a night owl.”

“I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where’s Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less.”

“The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist.”

“I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria, or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?”

“People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president’s. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are.”

“The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice.”

“I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600’s. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican.”

“What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?”

“People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn’t break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!”

“I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man.”

UPDATE: And it gets better, it appears that Jesse Jackson Jr. might have been “Candidate #5.”  And he was willing to give Blago a million!


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