Christina Oxenberg

February 17, 2009

Last November the town of Water Mill saw citizens at war. Camps remain angrily divided into those for and against the introduction of a Subway sandwich shop in the shopping mall already inhabited by Citarella on Montauk Highway.

The divisively emotional issue of national chain stores scuffing up enchanted main streets, pock-marking the prim faux-colonial over-priced shopping havens, is one of the touchiest topics on local government rosters.

Small business owners and local residents alike crave the preservation of their downtowns and feel it is an uphill struggle to maintain the rural ambiance while also allowing progress to come plunder their quaintness.

McMansion Owner, Water Mill
?I don’t want a Subway in my town. And I don?t want telephone poles. And I don?t want anyone building or farming near the Pond. I moved out here 20 years ago and there wasn’t nearly as much traffic, and the pond was clean. So I told all my friends to build houses too. Now we have enough houses out here, so no more people can live in Water Mill.?

Lowly Underpaid Employee, Water Mill:
?You obviously forget that not everyone is lucky enough to enjoy your charmed life. But to keep your lifestyle running, you better hope that the less fortunate can continue to survive out here.? 

McMansion Owner, Water Mill:
??and I like paying $9 for a sandwich, so no Subway. Let the local riff raff head west (where I came from 20 years ago) and buy affordable houses and lunch.?

Lowly Underpaid Employee, Water Mill:
?If you want the “riff raff” as you call them to move west, who do you expect to make your ‘special sandwich’ for you??

But you have to ask yourself, since it is the Hamptons, why pay less?