
February 01, 2025
Downtown Los Angeles
Source: Bigstock
The Week’s Most Larking, Barking, and Rosa Parking Headlines
BUS BOYS
As reported last week, L.A. Metro made all subway rides free during the course of the fire emergencies in the city. The result was a 100 percent drop in fare-evading, and a 77 percent jump in transit violence, as black and Guatemalan turnstile jumpers, missing the sense of danger that accompanies evading cops, began shooting each other because what’s life without adrenaline?
“White boys BASE-jump,” local BLM spokesman D’Crepitt Stankum told the Times. “We murder people on subways.”
But now, L.A. Metro is putting the “free” back in freedmen.
Among all the idiotic things Joe Biden did in office, and it would take a lifetime longer even than his to catalog them, one of the most asinine was “Transit Equity Day,” “celebrated” federally every Feb. 4, Rosa Parks’ birthday.
And the celebration? In the words of the schizo black transient who sits outside the Metro station at 7th and Figueroa, “All niggas ride free!”
Yes, free rides for all non-whites! The “fare holiday” was inaugurated in 2021 by Pete Buttigieg, and sadly the black guys riding in his ceremonial subway car found out the hard way that for Pete, “free seats for the taking” means something quite different from what they’d assumed.
As of now, Transit Equity Day is only observed in California, Georgia, Maryland, Minnesota, North Carolina, D.C., Virginia, and Wisconsin.
When an idea is so idiotic even New York doesn’t do it, you know it’s an idea of supreme stupidity.
To better observe transit equity, as blacks get to ride free, non-blacks will be compelled to “act black” on the subways. Elderly Jewish women will be forced to jump turnstiles (“Oy, my back! Enough with the jumping already”), elderly Jewish men will be encouraged to punch old Asian ladies in the face (“This is for putting POHRK in my moo shu!”), and Asian men will be forced to wave their penises at children (“What you mean, you can’t see it? It right there!”).
Uber, get ready for record usage Tuesday.
ROMEO AND MOOLIET
Ghanaian/Nigerian Francesca Amewudah-Rivers has been making the rounds claiming that during her recent stint as Juliet in a West End production of Romeo and Juliet (alongside Tom Holland), she was mercilessly pilloried with “racist hate mail.”
She also claims she was uncomfortable with the fact that the production used cameras to broadcast the play on a big screen.
“Off the back of the abuse, having to stare down the camera lens and have my face be blown up in this theatre was really tough mentally,” she told The Guardian.
This might be the most honest black actress on earth, in an age when every black woman no matter how hideous must be described as a “great beauty.” Yes, Amewudah-Rivers’ face is most unpleasant. How unpleasant? Romeo kills himself when he finds out she’s still alive. She didn’t get cast in Hamlet because the producers found her too ugly to play Yorick. In Macbeth, she didn’t play one of the witches; she played the eye of newt they put in the cauldron. In Othello she played the reason he went white.
Amewudah-Rivers got her start in Richard III. In the iconic opening monologue, Richard says…
Into this breathing world, scarce half made up,
And that so lamely and unfashionable
That dogs bark at me as I halt by them.
You might think she played Richard, but no, it’s worse…she played the dog.
It’s very possible that those angry letters were not from racists but aesthetes.
Also, that production of Romeo and Juliet got lousy reviews, mainly for changes made to Shakespeare’s prose.
In this version of the balcony scene, when Romeo says…
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!
But soft, she speaks…
…he hears back “MAH DAMN FRIES TOO COLD!”
THE NATIONAL HELL-TH
L.A. city officials, who up till now never ceded that Biden threw the border open, are now attacking Biden for “throwing the border open.”
Why the shift? Mayor Bass, already facing massive criticism for having burned down the city (causing every NYC subway schizo to exclaim, “Wow, we can only immolate one at a time!”), is panicked that she won’t get L.A.’s homeless crisis under control for the upcoming Olympics. So she’s decided to blame it all on Biden and his illegals. But Biden, eating ice cream at Delaware’s Cornpop Memorial Seniors Home, is having none of Bass’ buck-passing; he’s finally found the one black ass he won’t kiss or sniff.
Meanwhile, last week the British government admitted that “up to one-in-twelve in London is an illegal migrant.”
Worse still, as noted by The Telegraph, illegals receive priority care from the U.K.’s “National Health,” as native Britons die in the street, a grim reality exemplified last month in Dorset when a 95-year-old woman slipped on a frozen sidewalk, breaking her hip (those gags were funnier when Benny Hill did them). And when passersby called for an ambulance, authorities responded that she was not a “priority.” The NHS left her lying on the sidewalk, in great pain, slowly freezing to death, for more than five hours before an ambulance was dispatched.
Nearby shopkeepers tended to her with jellied eels, black pudding, stargazy pie, Marmite, and lardy cake.
So they tried to kill the poor old bag too.
When the ambulance finally arrived, Queen Vic-hernia was transported to the nearest council flat, because the ambulance doubles as a food delivery service for hungry African immigrants.
Unbangabuto said the woman was delicious.
If you’re in the U.K. and an old lady falls, don’t call 999 about an old lady falling. Call to say that someone just misgendered a tranny Ghanaian; it’s the only thing British authorities care about.
Another joyous day on the Sphinctered Isle.
PSYCHOS-THERAPY
What’s with the recent plague of self-hating mass killers?
Last month in Germany we had Taleb Al-Abdulmohsen, a renunciant Muslim who railed against immigration and Islam before plowing his car into a Christmas market.
You never expect that kind of thing. It would be like an Asian being dimorphic, a Punjabi using a toilet, or a Mexican who’s an only child. It just never happens in the wild!
Al-Abdulmohsen served as a source for CNN. He literally had access to CNN’s office, but he rammed his car into a market? His legacy will be one of lost opportunity.
Angry tweets, pointless violence. Welcome to the Whine-more Republic.
Deutschland goober alles.
And now we have Solomon Henderson, a 17-year-old black student in Tennessee who so hated black people, he opened fire on his classroom, killing a Latina.
The shooter, who literally began his manifesto with “kill all niggers,” went out and killed a Mexican. Amazingly, the guy who wrote “blacks are stupid” used his final act to further his own hypothesis.
It might be possible that in Solomon Henderson, America’s found the one black student who’s not a “genius.”
No tweets from Obama about this kid.
“Nice Glock, Ahmed.”
“Honors student”? More like “horrors student.”
Al-Abdulmohsen and Henderson should’ve taken inspiration from self-hating Jews, who express their self-revulsion by marrying shiksas who embrace fellatio.
If you’re gonna be a self-hater, do it in style.
TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON-FACED
Sci-fi movies have a history of being poor predictors of the future. Instead of domed cities, we got safe spaces. Instead of one pill that cures all diseases, we got forty boosters for one nagging cough. Instead of flying cars, we got drones that make residents of New Jersey reenact the Orson Welles War of the Worlds panic of 1938.
And when it came to AI, sci-fi authors promised giant robots boxing each other in a global war to determine the fate of mankind.
What did we get instead?
Tiny apps battling each other in a global war to determine the fate of Gen Z bimbos who give the finger while sticking out their tongue.
After Trump unilaterally “paused” the ban on TikTok after that one terrible Sunday when the site went dark (Zoomers call this their 9/11), legal experts generally agreed that Trump can’t actually “pause” federal legislation, but no one’s making a big deal about it because no Gen Xer wants to reexperience that awful Sunday night when twentysomethings took to the streets shouting their TikToks out loud for the world to hear: “I’m trans!” “FAT ACCEPTANCE!” “Lookit me, I can stick my tongue out and give the finger with both hands! I said LOOK AT ME!”
Gen X calls this its Vietnam.
Meanwhile, China inspired a NASDAQ paniq last week after perfecting an AI “chatbot” more powerful than anything developed in the West.
To provide perspective regarding the difference between Sam Altman’s OpenAI and China’s DeepSeek, whereas ChatGPT can write 100,000 term papers per hour for black law school students who got into university via affirmative action, DeepSeek can write one million legal injunctions an hour against the universities so that black affirmative-action law school students don’t have to write term papers, with ample time left over to write fake letters of support from Denzel Washington to be read at the students’ trials for shooting McDonald’s employees.
As harmless as this “war of the robots” appears at first, many on the far-right question whether AI is satanic. And indeed it should be noted that DeepSeek is so powerful it can write enough dead-language demonic incantations in ten seconds to conjure 10 million demons to torment 10 million sleeping Tucker Carlsons for all eternity.
Maybe giant boxing robots weren’t so bad after all.