Mel Gibson

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The Week’s Most Trolling, Strolling, and Boulder-Rolling Headlines

EAGLE ROCKED
L.A.’s Eagle Rock is situated between the filth of Downtown and the Armenians of Glendale. It’s known as the place where there’s never been a house sold without the buyer saying to his wife, “Look, it’s what we can afford.”

Last week Eagle Rock saw the most excitement it’s witnessed since that time in 1997 when a homebuyer bought without reluctance. A black gentleman speeding down the 134 freeway (which runs through Eagle Rock like a river…if rivers spewed carbon monoxide and sounded like Altamont) rear-ended a car, causing a pileup. Being a good citizen, he did what anyone would do—he leaped from the overpass to evade responsibility for the accident.

And it’s the only time in history a black man wished there’d been water below. Because there was just concrete. Which he landed on face-first.

Bloodied, the foundational black (so named because his face collided with a concrete foundation) ran into Eagle Rock, as police sped to the scene. Hatching a brilliant plan, this limping, bleeding black fellow—a one-man gang summit as he was both Crip and Blood—climbed into the backyard of a house and pretended to be the homeowner, watering plants.

Cops, following the blood trail, entered the yard. But before they could arrest the guy, an insane white lady in a house across the street ran out, shooting a gun. Police ordered her to drop the weapon, and when she didn’t, they blew her shoulder off.

Turns out the woman was the wife of the bassist for Weezer. And now that she’s one shoulder shy, you can bet she’s saying to herself, “Beverly Hills, that’s where I wanna be!”

As cops tried to sort out the mess, they likely regretted that it wasn’t Eagle Rock that burned to the ground in the fires, because it would’ve been a loss to no one.

PACK MAN
Call it Mad Max Beyond the Rayburn Building.

“Two men enter, fifty men get lifetime pensions.”

Last week Congressional Democrats heard from a former DOJ official who claims she was fired for not restoring the gun ownership rights of convicted spousal abuser Mel Gibson. The ex-DOJ employee, Liz Oyer, whose last name sounds like how you dismiss a perennially complaining Jew—“Oh, he’s just an oy-er”—testified that the Trump DOJ even threatened to send U.S. Marshals to her home to dissuade her from oy-ing about Gibson’s restored firearms status.

While it’s a popular MAGA myth that Gibson’s career was ruined because of his 2006 Malibu DUI in which he railed against Jews, in fact his career survived that. His temporary “cancellation” happened after he was recorded admitting to having beaten up his baby mama, Russian starhumper Oksana Grigorieva, who survived the assault because her collagen-inflated lips acted like facial airbags.

In the recording, Gibson unleashed a torrent of obscenities at Grigorieva because she didn’t adhere to their agreed-upon schedule of her giving him oral sex before he goes into the Jacuzzi, not after.

See, it’s that kind of thing, screaming, “Cunt, you’re supposed to blow me BEFORE the Jacuzzi…BEFORE…not after,” that reduced his status as a romantic lead. It’s not exactly romance novel material.

Worse still was Gibson’s comment that he hoped Grigorieva would be “raped by a pack of niggers.” A grotesquely ugly statement, to be sure, but it’s verbatim what he said.

And that’s likely the main reason Gibson wants his guns back.

Have you ever tried to protect your property from nigger packs? Fences don’t work, glue traps don’t work, scarecrows are just a temporary fix. Sure, you can dig a moat—water always works—but the maintenance on that is crazy expensive.

No, you need guns. So kudos to the Trump DOJ for restoring Gibson’s right to protect his property from coyotes, mountain lions, and Jimmy Walker.

MASTER OF WHORE-ER
You praise Hitler one time…

Vincent Price, one of the greatest horror movie icons in cinema history, apparently had difficulty identifying real-life horror when he saw it.

In 2021, Price’s daughter Victoria wrote in her autobiography, “When he [Price] went to Germany and Austria as a young man he was struck by a lot of things going on during the Weimar Republic and the disillusion of the empire. So when Hitler came into power, instead of seeing him as a dangerous force, he was sort of swept up in this whole idea that Hitler was going to bring German pride back.”

Price, a Mayflower descendant, also “spewed anti-Semitic thoughts in letters to friends and family.”

“Dear Mom, am enjoying Vienna. Except for the Jews. Please wire money…so I can buy a gun to kill Jews. Also send cookies. That I can inject with rat poison to kill Jews.”

Once the U.S. entered WWII, Price, sensing the unpopularity of his positions, had an overnight leftist conversion, to the extent that in the 1950s he was subpoenaed by HUAC as a possible commie. So desperate was Price to hide his Hitler-loving past that even in death, he’s still overcompensating (rather appropriate for a horror icon to be a remorseful zombie). Next week the Vincent Price Art Museum in East L.A. is holding its yearly “Los Tacos Fest” to support “young immigrant Latino artists.”

His family came over on the Mayflower, but his estate’s being used to support those who come over on the ¡Olé! Flower.

Hopefully nobody ever finds the original lyrics to Price’s “rap” from “Thriller”:

Darkness falls across the land,
Passover seder is close at hand.
Kikes drain goyim of their blood,
And gentrify y’all’s neighborhood.
And whosoever sounds the alarm,
Will fall to ADL abuse and harm.
Yet one brave soul opposes “the tribe”:
It’s Candace Owens—please like and subscribe!

SLIPPERY SLOPES
This year marks the 80th anniversary of the end of WWII, so expect a flood of chest-beating essays from newly minted “antiwar” rightist influencers regarding why the U.S. shouldn’t have dropped the A-bomb on the Japs.

Meanwhile, Japanese-Americans will be doing their part to make you wish we’d killed more.

Because the American Japanese diaspora is to the Japanese nation what a retarded uncle is to the family that institutionalized him.

Japanese-Americans are primarily concentrated in Southern California. And as reported by CBS last week, these yellows are green with envy and red with anger as L.A.’s historic Little Tokyo (near Downtown) is being gentrified. As CBS reported, the gentrification reached a flash point after the district’s most revered restaurant—Suehiro—was evicted by its landlord to make way for a pot dispensary for white hipsters.

BTW, Suehiro is not to be confused with “Sue Hero,” the superhero alter ego of L.A.’s Jewish lawyers.

Japanese-Americans vote Democrat to an extent that nearly rivals blacks. And now these slavish leftists are pissed off that a combination of Democrat tax incentives for pot shops and restaurant-crippling Covid closures has erased an iconic tempura joint.

But here’s where it gets especially stupid: According to CBS, the Japanese developer trying to “revitalize” Little Tokyo plans to do it by building “low-income housing” (i.e., tenements for black Section 8 welfare cases). So the great scheme to bring life back to Little Tokyo is to import a racial group known for compulsively socking Asians in the face.

Nippons? More like Nip-ponces. As the guardians of Little Tokyo begin building new slums to drive out the pot shops (a literal example of swallowing a spider to catch a fly), maybe the best line for rightist influencers is not “We shouldn’t have bombed the Japs,” but “We bombed the wrong ones.”

HEIL SATAN
Over the past few years, many MAGA influencers have openly extolled the virtues of bringing Nazis into the fold. Nazis are great, we’re told. They’re the best MAGAs ever, and if they have a bad rap, it’s only because of Jew lies. Noble Nazi cosplayers are the future of the right!

At the same time, “intellectual” MAGA, epitomized by author Nick Land, has been singing the praises of rightist occultism. After all, what did the Jesus crap from the Reagan era—the Jerry Falwells and Pat Roberstons, the antiabortionism—do for the GOP except alienate women?

And by God that’s Andrew Tate’s job.

So these MAGA “intellects” have been all about embracing Satan! A brilliant move; Sammy Davis Jr. was a well-known satanist, so surely pledging fealty to Beelzebub will finally win Republicans the black vote. “That Old Black Magic”? Meet that NEW black MAGA.

Except there’s one tiny flaw in the plan: Nazis and satanists really are mentally ill menaces.

It’s nice to know that occasionally the Jewish left and the evangelical right are joined in correct assessment.

Last week a Nazi satanist teen in Wisconsin was arrested after murdering his parents and using the money in the family safe to attempt to purchase drones to blow up Donald Trump. The teen, Nikita Casap, a white boy who rocks the Nick Fuentes look but somehow manages to make it even creepier, claimed in his journal that the point of the assassination was “accelerationism” (a popular theme in rightist occultism), the bringing about of revolution by speeding civilizational destruction.

Manson said it better with “Helter Skelter,” but teens these days don’t know Beatles B-sides.

Casap hoped a Trump assassination would create civil war, allowing the Nazi satanists to own the libs. Sadly, the power of Satan didn’t stop the cops from owning Casap, who now sits in a jail cell as his black cellmate pokes him with something very likely bigger than a devil horn.