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The Week’s Most Illegal Refugee Jesus Born, Racist White Colors Worn, and Disney Festive Animal Porn Headlines

OPERATION CHRISTMAS DROP
Christmas is imminent, making our TVs full of classic holiday movies, none more classic than It’s a Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stewart.

But you wouldn’t want to see the version starring a different James Stewart, a disabled man from Ohio with “a known history of constipation” whose family has just filed a lawsuit against his careless carers after they allowed so much shit to build up inside him without any medical attention that he kind of farted himself to death internally in the run-up to Christmas last year. James’ own favorite Jimmy Stewart movie was not 1946’s It’s a Wonderful Life, but 1957’s Night Passage, because that’s what he often aspired to toward the end, just like Elvis Presley.

There was to be no Brown Christmas for James, however. His hardened Yule log grew so large it ended up weighing 20 pounds; that’s approximately three Baby Jesuses, and in a form and texture even more ideal to be delivered in a stable. It’s a tragic case, but not entirely unexpected: Jimmy Stewart always did have trouble with his Rear Window.

HUE AND CRY
Also desiring a Brown Christmas rather than a White one like in the sick old Bing Crosby movie were the wailing liberals of the internet, who have had a collective, snowflake-like meltdown over the highly “racist” antics of the Pantone Color Institute. Pantone are the chromatic scientists responsible for thinking up endless stupid names for the 10,763 ever-so-slightly-different shades of beige on paint color charts, from Contaminated Porridge to Soggy Biscuit. This week, as they do every yuletide, they announced their anticipated Color of the Year for 2026…and it was a WHITE one!

This particular whiter shade of pale was pretentiously christened “Cloud Dancer” and is precisely the same color as KKK hoods—or that’s what Pantone’s hysterical new army of haters (official Pantone skin-tone color “Liberal Pinko”) said. Fashion magazines ran photo shoots of models wearing dresses in the trending tone, but to some this was akin to a form of sartorial genocide: All true anti-racists throughout history have worn brown shirts, not white ones. According to one libtard of TikTok, in an era of MAGA racism and mass ICE deportations of persons painted more like muddy dust devils than nice fluffy clouds:

It’s symbolic. It’s a reminder of who still controls the narrative. They are openly mocking us, choosing purity white as the cultural color of the year while the rest of us are screaming for humanity.

The pathetic hashtag #Pantonedeaf began trending, making one glad these same people don’t realize discontinued 1950s color charts used to have a certified palette tone called “Nigger Brown” (since rechristened “Chris Brown,” it’s the same thing).

As Pantone’s classifications are also used to catalog colors of everything from cosmetics to paper, angry minoritarian writer Rhea Nayyar (official Pantone skin-tone color: “Ganges Sewage”) alleged any sheets of paper bearing the white Cloud Dancer label were, just like white supremacist AmeriKKKa itself, really built upon the hidden labor and bodies of brown things, in this case trees:

While Pantone tries to invoke the color’s connotation as a fresh start or blank canvas, remember that the white of a new sheet of paper is born from the brown-trunked trees that were planted, nurtured, cut, pulverized, bleached, and pressed.

As brown people were also once lynched from their branches by evil white Southern racists, does that furthermore make the trees themselves race-traitor collaborators? Or maybe black bitches were only ever hanged from white birches?

A BROWNED CHARLIE CHRISTMAS
Some Pantone-hating pedants protested that white is not, technically speaking, a color at all. But neither is black, and no one ever complains about non-whites constantly being referred to as “people of color,” do they?

Pantone’s prejudicial choice, wrote one journalist with a Jewish name (official Pantone skin-tone color: “White Passing”), “suggests whiteness as a baseline—the color, if indeed it is a color, to which everyone must compare themselves.” If this was really true, then the Nazi racists of Pantone would surely choose a white shade as their favorite color every year, wouldn’t they? So what color did they pick last year, then? Aryan Snow? Scandi Cream? Spunk of Adolf? No: It was a shade of distinctly lower-caste brown.

Mocha Mousse was its name, and despite Pantone claiming it possessed the “delectable quality of cacao chocolate and coffee,” people still grumbled, saying it strongly resembled dog shit—dog shit served up in a dessert glass, 2 Girls 1 Cup-style, to judge by official photos from the time.

Yet unlike this year, by choosing a distinctly miscegenated hue that may as well have been called “Hint of Obama” for their previous 2025 champion, Pantone did actually seem to be making some weird politico-racial point. Being announced “amid much political turmoil” (i.e., Trump’s return to office), Pantone’s expert “color anthropologists” explained, their Mixed-Race Mocha Mousse reflected “the need for harmony,” aiming to encapsulate how “what’s taking place in the world is expressed in the silent language of color.” Maybe it should have been called Great Replacement Brown, then? Or just Mexican Mousse, for short? For good woke measure, the color was also said to be somehow “genderless,” like Christmas Gingerbread Persons.

Next year, to better mediate between the two warring races, why should the wise “color anthropologists” of Pantone not compromise by aiming to combine the paired skin tones in a balanced 50/50 textured admixture of Cloud Dancer White and Mocha Mousse Brown? In festive memory of the greatest Christmas wish of James Stewart, a pair of badly soiled cotton underwear would do nicely: less #Pantonedeaf than #Shityourpantones.

SCARRED FUR LIFE
Forget Jimmy Stewart and Bing Crosby, the true biggest festive flick for December 2025 is Disney’s new CGI-animated kids’ movie Zootopia 2—but is it really aimed at kids at all, or at adult perverts?

Zootopia 2 made $560 million worldwide in its opening weekend, not something you would have expected for generic CGI slop about a detective female rabbit called Judy Hopps and her literally foxy cop companion, Nick Wilde. But industry analysts did not reckon on the fact that members of the LGBTQueerdo “furry” community—disturbed deviants who dress up as humanoid animals like those in the movie to mate with each other in practices called “yiffing” and “fur-piling”—have been flocking like rainbow sheep to theaters in full costume to stain the seats next to your toddlers, sometimes even block-booking entire cinemas to themselves.

This is alleged to be an intentional below-the-gaydar marketing decision from Disney. The first queer “ConFurences” were held near Disney’s California HQ, leading some animators to head along in search of design inspiration for their characters—but drawing their anthropomorphic animals to resemble cosplaying furries only had the sad effect of rendering innocent-seeming movies like The Jungle Book into hardcore rainforest pornography for some. But a ticket sale is a ticket sale, and Disney’s marketing department has now been caught out messaging furries to seek their help promoting the Zootopia series.

To better herd the freaks in, Zootopia 2 includes certain muscly twerking tiger characters strongly resembling Kellogg’s Frosties’ dashingly handsome cereal mascot Tony the Tiger, a major furry fan-crush. In 2016, Kellogg’s Twitter account had to request furries stop posting homemade animal pornography and self-drawn images of Tony masturbating onto his Frosties to make them even more sugary onto the site, as innocent children might be watching—2020s Disney themselves are not quite so fussy. Finding themselves blocked from Tony’s account, feline-hungry furries began tweeting their filth to Cheetos mascot Chester Cheetah instead, whose corporate PR account began actively encouraging them to do so.

One scary investigation has revealed furry cartoonists had already been infiltrating media companies for years, to work on animated products from An American Tail (what kind of “Tail”?) to Tiny Toon Adventures, Garfield and Friends, and Sonic the Hedgehog. Any movie starring Sonic would automatically be blue, but this still doesn’t make it right.

You may well question just what kind of record-breaking subliminal bestiality blockbuster Disney will put out to corrupt your kids with next Christmas. The Lion Fuc-King?

BONES OF CONTENTION
One man who briefly worked at Disney as an animator during his youth was legendarily strange Hollywood director Tim Burton: Once he realized he was surrounded by undercover furries who liked drawing big orange penises onto Tony the Tiger as a hobby, he left, thinking himself way too normal to fit in.

Timbo made a classic animated seasonal movie himself, The Nightmare Before Christmas, whose own stop-motion-animated star, Jack Skellington, definitely had no penis, as he was a skellington. But in these gender-enlightened days, does that fact even mean anything? Not to authorities in Switzerland, who have sent an adult human male to prison for stating adult human dead people may possess gender-specific bones.

Emanuel Brünisholz posted online that “If you excavate LGBTQI people after 200 years, you will only find men and women among the skeletons; everything else is a mental illness that was fostered by the curriculum!” A statement that is 100 percent biologically true. Okay, skeletons don’t have tits (Victoria Beckham apart), but it’s still possible for a specialist to tell the boy skeletons apart from the girl skeletons—the girl skeleton helpfully wears a big red bow on her head.

For his sins against the Rainbow People, Brünisholz was hauled before a court and ordered to pay a fine of 500 Swiss francs. He refused, saying it should not be a crime to state a simple biological fact, but a retarded pink-robed judge disagreed, handing him ten days behind bars as punishment. Emanuel protested he was no felon, just a humble repairer of wind instruments, but even boasting a proudly tolerant past in providing sax-change operations couldn’t save him.

Another skeletal trans-thing to have recently had his horn expertly restored is “Rachel” Levine, Joe Biden’s former Assistant Secretary for Health, whose formal portrait in Washington has just been relabeled by the Trump administration with his real birth name of “Richard” on it instead. Queers wail this act of so-called “deadnaming” is a hate crime. Knowing Trump, they should count themselves lucky he didn’t just write “Dick” on it in big letters instead.

Someone should have done precisely that to the forehead of that idiot Alpine judge. With a Swiss Army knife.

NAUGHTY OR N-ICE
The most popular Christmas movie among the MAGA crowd is Hollywood Republican Tim Allen’s The Santa Clause—they believe the specific clause being referred to is Clause 2(a) of Trump’s National Security Presidential Memorandum-7, which allows him to make an arbitrary naughty-or-nice list of absolutely anyone he thinks to be a criminal worthy of immediate arrest and/or deportation.

The main listed targets of Trump’s campaign will be those expressing “opposition to law and immigration enforcement; extreme views in favor of mass migration and open borders; adherence to radical gender ideology,” together with “anti-Americanism,” “anti-capitalism,” and “anti-Christianity.” Or, in other words, Christian churches themselves, many of which now seem to have been captured by outright communists.

Across America, politicized church Nativity scenes showing Baby Jesus in zip ties or abducted by the Feds are being constructed by open-borders far-left priests, who imply that, were they around in 2025, the Holy Family would be deported by ICE as a bunch of illegal “refugees”—ignoring the fact that they traveled to the stable in Bethlehem for a compulsory Christmas census, not to eat all the donkeys like the Haitians would. As a lowly carpenter, Joseph wouldn’t even qualify for an H-1B visa.

If they happened to land in America today, however, specifically Minnesota, the Holy Family would immediately find themselves surrounded by angry Muslims. The massive Somali criminal “diaspora” there have reacted to Trump’s promise to repatriate them all under his new Santa Clause by launching an online campaign to claim Minnesota was their own original holy Promised Land, pledged to them by God 3,000 years ago, thereby making them the true Founding Fathers of America, not George Washington & Co.

Under such unpropitious circumstances, any reincarnated refugee Jesus in contemporary America would have no choice but to immediately try to convert all the surrounding Somalis to Christianity for his own future safety. He may even encounter some success here: Ilhan Omar already obeys His injunction to love each man like a brother.