August 21, 2015

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The beauty of turning childbirth into nothing is you turn women into weak little dudes. Now she feels like a loser if she’s not strong enough to carry a grown man out of a burning building or do enough pull-ups to become a Marine. It’s like putting Superman in a vat of kryptonite and kicking him in the balls. Women strive to be something they”€™re not and create movies where they know kung fu and can lose the cops in a car chase. Making them into dudes means straight guys get the same sex life gay men have. Sometimes women complain that they “€œcatch feelings“€ after being treated like a colostomy bag for yet another stranger’s semen, but we make sure they feel terrible about it. Isn”€™t that amazing? We convinced women their feelings are an STD. You couldn”€™t make this stuff up.

Another fun part of making women into dudes was making them work. Your girlfriend isn”€™t someone you need to take care of. She’s a roommate who has to pay the bills. If she has a problem with that she’s a total sellout. Republicans got women out of the kitchen and into the workforce so they can pay half the rent. It gets better. You see, women still have that weird craving to be at home. They want to see the only child they managed to create, and this provides a massive distraction. This means they tend not to go up the ladder as fast as someone who isn”€™t pining to nurture and who leaves them stuck with all the shitty jobs us men don”€™t want to do. A generation ago, the ideal woman was a friend in the living room, a mom in the kitchen, and a slut in the bedroom. Today she’s a slut everywhere and a slave at work. Way to go, us!

There has been some strange collateral damage in the Republican War on Women. We taught them that cooking and cleaning are for squares and they shouldn”€™t know how to do either. This has left young women today with apartments that are complete pigsties. There is nothing in the fridge and a mountain of clothes in one corner and a futon on the floor. This means millennial males end up having to do the cooking and cleaning themselves. Oh well, you can”€™t win them all.

As of very recently, there was talk of women catching on. They became skeptical of life in a cubicle and heard rumors of thirtysomethings needing fertility drugs to get pregnant. They suspected that “€œhaving it all”€ was a myth and maybe women are different from men after all. This is when we delivered our death knell. We said we”€™re women too. That’s right, “€œwoman“€ is a state of mind and all you have to do to be female is say you “€œidentify”€ as female. Now us men are having abortions and the term “€œsausage fest“€ is offensive to us ladies. This was something we learned from Attila the Hun. When you rape the women and have mixed kids, you become the enemy. They can”€™t attack us without attacking themselves.

Denying there is a War on Women is absurd. Do the math. A generation ago you had a woman in a home that was provided for her, with children she adored. Today those same women are used as sex toys while they”€™re young and attractive and then left alone in their filthy apartments staring at their dogs. Her job is doing our dirty work and she has little else outside of it. Men today get way more sex than their fathers ever did and they”€™ve brainwashed women into thinking that’s empowering. Women today are fucked in every sense of the word. I mean, I should double-check the difference between conservative values and the intense damage feminists have wrought, but I”€™m pretty sure I got it right.


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