February 17, 2014
FACEBOOK’S 56 FLAVORS OF GENDER
If, like other members of an increasingly loud micro-minority, you feel uncomfortable describing yourself as simply a “man” or a “woman,” transsexual software engineers working for Facebook have swooped down to Earth on gilded wings to assure you that you need wallow alone in the darkness no longer. You are now able to select from 56″yes, FIFTY-SIX““custom gender options” when setting up your profile:
Agender, Androgyne, Androgynous, Bigender, Cis, Cisgender, Cis Female, Cis Male, Cis Man, Cis Woman, Cisgender Female, Cisgender Male, Cisgender Man, Cisgender Woman, Female to Male, FTM, Gender Fluid, Gender Nonconforming, Gender Questioning, Gender Variant, Genderqueer, Intersex, Male to Female, MTF, Neither, Neutrois, Non-binary, Other, Pangender, Trans, Trans*, Trans Female, Trans* Female, Trans Male, Trans* Male, Trans Man, Trans* Man, Trans Person, Trans* Person, Trans Woman, Trans* Woman, Transfeminine, Transgender, Transgender Female, Transgender Male, Transgender Man, Transgender Person, Transgender Woman, Transmasculine, Transsexual, Transsexual Female, Transsexual Male, Transsexual Man, Transsexual Person, Transsexual Woman, Two-Spirit
If you don’t feel this list adequately represents your body image and gender identity, the obvious choice is to hire a lawyer and shake down that shameless gender bigot Mark Zuckerberg.
A Facebook page dedicated to this new Baskin-Robbins approach to human sexuality says the change was made to allow users to “feel comfortable being your true, authentic self” and “express themselves in an authentic way,” as if there was anything remotely “authentic” about hormone injections and gender-reassignment surgery.
Still, this wasn’t enough for the gender sourpusses out there. As one commenter complained:
There is still no option to identify my relationship with my queer/genderqueer child without selecting Son or Daughter, even after they changed their profile to neutral pronouns.
Go cry yourself a rainbow-colored river of tears, fella.
In much more serious Facebook-related news, a Texas teenager is facing eight years in prison over a Facebook threat that appears to have been made in jest. After a Portland teenager called another teen “gay” on Facebook, a group of three boys and one girl allegedly kidnapped the perpetrator, bashed his skull with a crowbar, shot him with a BB gun, and forced him to eat cat feces”all of it, presumably, in the name of tolerance.
In other social-media news, what is being dubbed “the biggest ever study of Twitter racism” claims that the site is host to roughly 10,000 “racist” Tweets daily, although two-thirds or more of said Tweets “were deemed to be using slurs in non-derogatory fashion.” We’re not sure quite what that means, although we suspect it might have something to do with the fact that by a landslide, the most common racial slur the study found was “white boy.”
Those tireless anti-hate warriors at the Simon Wiesenthal Center have introduced a new smartphone app called CombatHate that allows you to photograph and report on “hate crimes” as you witness them. Is there no end to their helpfulness?
THE CRUCIFIXION OF RICHIE INCOGNITO
Miami Dolphins offensive lineman Richie Incognito not only possesses what is possibly the douchiest name in the annals of maledom, a new 144-page report accuses him of acting like a total douchebag to other players on his team. At Yahoo! Sports”which strains to inject gayness and Cultural Marxism into every story these days, no matter how irrelevant it is to the topic”an alleged sportswriter named Eric Adelson squeaked like a church mouse about the “virulent racism, homophobia, misogyny and bullying” outlined in the report and how Incognito’s brutal locker-room antics violated “the need to protect the rights of the depressed.” Adelson concluded that “Boys should not be boys, no matter how brutal the sport….”
Please, oh please, will some NFL team’s entire offensive line show up at Adelson’s desk and tell him how to do his job?
RACISM, BOTH SCIENTIFIC AND RECREATIONAL
Three days before the Valentine’s Day beating of a disabled white vet by a group of Cleveland “teens” who allegedly shouted anti-white epithets during the beating, Supreme Court Judge Clarence Thomas said that Americans are too sensitive about race:
My sadness is that we are probably today more race and difference-conscious than I was in the 1960s when I went to school….Rarely did the issue of race come up….Now, name a day it doesn’t come up. Differences in race, differences in sex, somebody doesn’t look at you right, somebody says something. Everybody is sensitive.
Thomas added that he’d been treated far worse by “Northern liberal elites” than by the notorious white crackers in his hometown of Savannah, GA.
A study published in Molecular Psychiatry suggests that the NPTN gene may be directly related to human intelligence. But you are counseled to ignore that study lest you get caught up in an emerging wave of “scientific racism” whose primary tenets have already been debunked and discredited because, well, we won World War II ‘n’ stuff.
AMERICANS CIRCLING THE DRAIN, NOT THE SUN
A recent study of over 2,200 Americans revealed that over a quarter of them were not aware that the Earth revolves around the sun but that most of them have positive feelings about scientists. In this modern world where feelings rule over facts, this is very, very good news. That being said, we hope that scientists work extra-hard on space colonization and make it possible to one day escape this modern world.