July 21, 2014
KU KLUX KANDY
Like every other week, last week provided a bumper crop of wacky race-related stories.
Residents in a South Carolina subdivision say they were delivered Klan propaganda accompanied with bags of candy, which naturally outraged and shocked and flustered and befuddled and flabbergasted them. It is unclear, though, how many of them went ahead and ate the candy.
Residents in the extremely Jewish”even for New York City”Brooklyn neighborhood of Brighton Beach remain purple with rage that the Raelian cult”which claims the power to clone humans”flew a plane over the beach with a banner aimed to “rehabilitate” the swastika. The group, which correctly asserts that the swastika has been revered for thousands of years as a symbol of peace and love, also flew banners of Miami and “other US locations.”
An Iowa high-school athlete was suspended from playing football this fall because he posed for a photo dressed in white and flashing a “W” hand signal, which had school officials accusing him of being a racist proponent of “white pride.” His parents claim that as part of “school spirit week,” his junior class was asked to wear the color white and that he is not a “racist.” When they complained to the school principal, they claim they were called racists, too.
HOW TO HANDLE A CHILD MOLESTER
In sex-related news, perhaps the highest-profile false rape accusation in years concluded with Joan Elizabeth Harris publicly admitting that she entirely fabricated her allegation of sexual assault against singer Conor Oberst of the band Bright Eyes. She claims she did it “to get attention while I was going through a difficult period in my life.”
In New Mexico, a 40-year-old woman is being charged with a hate crime for allegedly using a shoe to try and beat the lesbianism out of her 17-year-old daughter. She also reportedly threatened to penetrate her daughter with a plunger stick “so she would know what it was like to have sex with a woman.”
Former New Jersey art teacher Charles Reilly has received a 15-year sentence for teaching teenage boys how to masturbate and telling them to provide him with semen-stained tissues for him to use in art projects.
In Daytona Beach, FL, a 35-year-old unidentified father of an eleven-year-old boy called 911 after walking in on 18-year-old Raymond Frolander sexually assaulting his son. He had beaten Frolander unconscious and allegedly told the police:
I just walked in on a grown man molesting. … And I got him in a bloody puddle for you, officer. … He is nice and knocked out on the floor for you. … He stood up and his pants were around his ankles and nothing else needed to be said. … I did whatever I got a right to do except I didn”t kill him.
Frolander, whose mug shot shows the extent of the beating, reportedly admitted to the assault. According to Daytona Beach Police Chief Mike Chitwood, the father is not being charged with a crime because he acted as any normal father should in such situations.