Dan Savage

Those outside the “€œgay community”€ but who still lay down their sleeping bags beneath the progressive circus tent accuse him of obesophobia, Negrophobia, proletariophobia, and vaginophobia.

Basically, there’s only one thing this “€œcommunity”€ shares”€”they all suffer from lexophobia, an irrational fear of words.

Dan Savage is perhaps best known for his syndicated column “€œSavage Love,”€ but I remember it even way back when it was called “€œHey, Faggot!”€ In 1999, Savage retired the column’s original name, arguing that he”€™d successfully reclaimed the word “€œfaggot”€ and didn”€™t need to use it anymore.

Guess what, Danny boy? Words exist in international waters, and I”€™m swooping right past you in my pirate ship and taking the word back.

Frankly, I think you”€™re all acting like a bunch of fags. And I use the word “€œfags”€ strictly to denote a weakness of character. It has nothing to do with the procreative organs our blessed Lord bestowed upon you to your apparent ingratitude. If you prefer I use the term “€œpussies”€ or “€œbabies”€ or “€œwhiners”€ or “€œsissies,”€ well, I respect your preferences, but for now I”€™m still going to call you a bunch of fags.

Some of you appear to have an identity founded on persecution and manage to feel persecuted even if no one shows the slightest interest in persecuting you. At some point I start wondering, “Are you not being bashed enough? Is this why you’ve resorted to getting in people’s faces and rubbing their noses in shit”€”on the outside chance that you’ll anger one of them enough to bash you? Do you feel incomplete without at least one bashing a decade?”

And why don”€™t you go back to blowing each other instead of blowing this “€œbullying”€ thing out of proportion? Mere insults can”€™t drive a person to suicide. Claiming that anyone can “€œmake”€ another person kill himself places far too little responsibility on the person killing himself. Anyone who takes such an extreme measure sends a message to the world that they thought there was something wrong with them. So if you don”€™t think there’s anything wrong with you, quit acting like such a fag, stop worrying what others think about you, and don”€™t kill yourself…OK?

That’s really all the advice you”€™ll ever need.

But thirty years after graduating from high school, Dan Savage is STILL acting like a fag and stewing over what was apparently some tremendous emotional scarring. Aided and abetted by such perennially bullied and oppressed entities such as Apple, Microsoft, and the US federal government“€”a bully if there ever was one”€”Dan has launched one of those “€œnonprofit”€ things called “€œIt Gets Better” to help protect teenagers from being bullied. (Never mind that according to some studies, it doesn”€™t get better.)

Instead of “€œIt Gets Better,”€ how about “€œGet Over It!”€ or even “€œGet Over Yourself!”€ or maybe “€œDidn”€™t You Graduate From High School a Long Time Ago?”€

In order to protect the natural civil right to whine about your terrible experiences in high school for the rest of your life, the government will have to create jobs for lawyers and activists and clerks and propagandists and investigators and forensic technicians. Whereas a long time ago in a land far away American gays wanted the government to get out of their bedrooms, now they want you to give the government your lunch money so they don”€™t feel bullied.

Forget about rights and justice and equality and tolerance and all those other words they always use but never understand. This seems to be nothing more than a case of the squeaky wheel getting the K-Y Jelly.

 



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