On the opposite end of the Terror Spectrum are those who make it clear they think the state’s too white by roving in packs and beating the hell out of people at the Iowa State Fair.

But as we’ve been repeatedly lectured, we live in a post-racial society, so the possibility that certain elements of the overwhelmingly urban-based mainstream media have some sort of “anti-white, anti-rural” agenda is a laughable notion that only retarded toothless inbred pale-skinned ghostfaced crackers who live in the boondocks would ever believe.

Obviously we can’t trust anyone in the media to say what they actually mean, so when they say Iowa is “too white,” we must assume that they are speaking in code.

Maybe they really mean it’s too German.

Maybe they secretly mean it’s a very safe place where there can be massive flooding without massive rioting. Maybe they mean it was recently rated the eighth-safest state and the sixth-best state in which to live. Or maybe not, because then they’d have to concede that the states rated as even better and safer—places such as New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, the Dakotas, and Wyoming—were themselves almost unconscionably white.

Maybe they want people to know about Iowa’s economy. It has one of the nation’s lowest unemployment rates, and the few states with even lower rates are, well, mighty-tighty-whitey themselves. Comparing income to the cost of living, sweet li’l Des Moines is the USA’s richest urban area.

Maybe they feel that Iowa has been unfairly stereotyped as a breeding ground of superstitious illiterate cornfield bumpkins. In reality, Iowa has been one of the most literate states in America for 100 years and running. Iowa students are said to “consistently lead the nation in standardized achievement-test scores.” A government website claims that 93 percent of Iowa’s schools perform above the national average. Iowa ranks third when it comes to libraries per resident. It also has one of the nation’s lowest high-school-dropout rates. To be fair, not all of Iowa’s schools perform so well. To be fairer, these schools tend to be in areas that few would describe as “too white.”

So when they say Iowa is “too white,” what they really mean is that it’s too safe, too economically stable, and far too literate to adequately represent mainstream America—especially the “mainstream America” they have planned for us.

We agree. Iowa is definitely too white.