Joe Bob Briggs

Joe Bob Briggs

Joe Bob Briggs is the drive-in movie critic of Grapevine, Texas, currently resident in New York City, where his pop culture commentary appears in print, on television and at various dive bars that defy the modern world by allowing the smoking of cigars.

Joe Bob's America

Jim Acosta

The Media Shouldn’t Whine to the Courts

Nov 22 2018

NEW YORK—I don’t like it when newspapers or TV networks go whining to the courts. And it’s for a very selfish reason. The media in

Cultural Caviar

Resisting the Campus Speech Nazis

Nov 15 2018

DENVER—Every time I perform, I start out with a few comments about Safe Spaces and Trigger Warnings. 
I flash onto the screen a picture of

Cultural Caviar

Be Kind to Your Stripper

Nov 08 2018

NEW YORK—They just passed a new policy at Under Armour, the giant sports-apparel company with the cool corporate headquarters facing Baltimore Harbor: No more business

Cultural Caviar

Leave Harvard Alone

Nov 01 2018

NEW YORK—I can’t believe this, but I’m about to defend Harvard. Four years ago a group of Asian-Americans sued Harvard, claiming the college’s admissions policies


I’m Calling for a Stupidity Boycott

Oct 25 2018

AUSTIN—I think I have to boycott Kimberly-Clark. I’m sorry, guys. I know you’re a $46 billion company with 43,000 employees doing business in 175 countries,

Joe Bob's America

The Apathy Party

Oct 18 2018

SAN ANTONIO—In my college days I was a card-carrying member of the Apathy Party. Each year we would nominate “Mr. Commodore” for student government president,

Cultural Caviar

The New Standard of Lifetime Detention Hall

Oct 11 2018

DALLAS—The most amazing thing to me about the Kavanaugh Mess was the thousands of hours spent on psychoanalyzing his high school years. If anybody ever

Cultural Caviar

Okay, Coach, Then Don’t Feed Your Football Team

Oct 04 2018

NEW YORK—The reason I stopped being a sportswriter was that I could no longer deal with the concept of the coach’s interview. Since I was

Cultural Caviar

The Supreme Yacht Club

Sep 27 2018

NEW YORK—The problem with the Supreme Court is not any of the things being talked about today during the millions of monologues, speeches, network stand-ups,


Who Needs the Oscars?

Sep 20 2018

LEXINGTON, Ky.—Two hundred years from now an anthropologist will go through the digital archives of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and he’ll

Cultural Caviar

It’s 5 a.m. for Burt Reynolds

Sep 14 2018

LITTLE ROCK, Ark.—If you party hard enough in Little Rock, you eventually end up at a converted warehouse deep down in the Arkansas River bottoms

Cultural Caviar

Amateur Gossip Columnists Roaming Amongst Us

Sep 06 2018

NEW YORK—So I’m riding the downtown E train somewhere between 34th and 4th when one of New York’s mentally deranged performance artists starts reading loudly

Cultural Caviar

Zero Tolerance for Zero Tolerance

Aug 30 2018

NEW YORK—I have zero tolerance for anybody who keeps saying “zero tolerance.” You see it on signs at bars. You see it on signs at


500 Million Lazy Environmentalists

Aug 23 2018

NEW YORK—Okay, since there are 500 million plastic straws used every day, we need to stop using plastic straws. Wait. What? First of all, if

Cultural Caviar


Aug 16 2018

CHARLOTTE, N.C.—For those of you who are new to BDSM, let me explain a few of the basics. The letters BDSM stand for Bondage Discipline

Cultural Caviar

The Fake “Fake News” T-Shirt Story Perpetrated by Fake News Fakers

Aug 09 2018

NEW YORK—So I have to admit, I’m one of the people who would wear the “Fake News” T-shirt that was on sale at the Newseum


Joseph-Siffred Duplessis portrait of Benjamin Franklin

Hundred-Dollar Bills Make Me Nervous

Aug 02 2018

NEW YORK—So I’m standing behind a guy at the drugstore who says, “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything smaller,” and he pulls out a roll

Cultural Caviar

Probiotics: Here, Drink Some Gut Slime

Jul 26 2018

NEW YORK—Is probiotic a real word or did somebody make that up just to be a smart-ass? I mean, antibiotics I understand—pesticides for the body,

Cultural Caviar

Breaking the Internet

Jul 19 2018

DALLAS—I started getting panicked messages around 8:30 Friday night. “Joe Bob, I can’t get in. I think my computer is fried.” “Joe Bob, WHAT THE

Cultural Caviar

The Loneliness of the Cord Cutter

Jul 12 2018

DALLAS—There’s a theater in the little Greek town of Epidaurus that seats 14,000 people. It has perfect acoustics. It’s where people gather to tell stories,

Joe Bob's America

Heckle Nation

Jul 05 2018

Back in the ’80s I worked comedy clubs, and, depending on the night, the venue, the crowd, and the level of alcohol consumption, you could

Cultural Caviar

Donnie and Jong Un, BFFs

Jul 01 2018

SupremeCommanderDude: Hey, you up? What time is it there? The sun already saluted me three times today. AwesomeHillaryKiller: The Jongster! Just thinking about ya. SupremeCommanderDude:

Joe Bob's America

One California Is Enough

Jun 28 2018

NEW YORK—This November, California is gonna vote on dividing itself into three states. That doesn’t go nearly far enough, in my opinion. I would encourage

Cultural Caviar

Last Judgement by Fra Angelico

Pope Forgets the Lake of Fire

Jun 21 2018

NEW YORK—Pope Francis was chatting with a flamboyant Italian journalist named Eugenio Scalfari several months ago, and in the course of chewing over the eternal

Cultural Caviar

Torch Those Bikinis!

Jun 14 2018

NEW YORK—I don’t know about you, but I’m circling my calendar and stocking whiskey for the night of September 10, when ABC will go prime-time

Cultural Caviar

Falcon 7X

God Apparently Flies First Class

Jun 07 2018

MARSHALL, Tex.—The most frightening thing about Jesse Duplantis is that I think he truly believes what he’s saying. I mean, at some deep, deep level,