The Week’s Most Papal-Votey, $1,000-Notey, and Gonna-Need-a-Bigger-Boaty Headlines KARMELO: NEITHER CALM, NOR MELLOW The ongoing online fundraiser for accused black teenage knife-killer Karmelo Anthony has now raised more than $500,000. His family has been criticized for blowing much of it on ...
The Week’s Spermiest, Pink-Wormiest, and Clearly-Made-Up-Termiest Headlines PC LANGUAGE As we all know, it’s always better to flick the arm with an old banana: Artificial intelligence proves it. A new investigation has revealed the amusing propensity of Google’s response-generating online AI ...
The Week’s Most Nappy, Crappy, and Meals-That-Are-Happy Headlines PAMPERED INFANT Given that the age of criminal responsibility in the U.K. is 10 years old, shouldn’t it be illegal to prosecute a baby there? Not when said “baby” is in fact a 46-year-old man named Martin Tarling, who simply ...
The Week’s Most Trolling, Strolling, and Boulder-Rolling Headlines EAGLE ROCKED L.A.’s Eagle Rock is situated between the filth of Downtown and the Armenians of Glendale. It’s known as the place where there’s never been a house sold without the buyer saying to his wife, “Look, it’s ...
The Week’s Most Calming, Embalming, and Sunday Palming Headlines NEXT TIME TRY PEPSI The Sentinelese are a pre-neolithic tribe of “negrito” cavemen who live on an island in the Indian Ocean. The civilized world (and India) have agreed to leave this “uncontacted tribe” forever ...
The Week’s Most Quisling, Sizzling, and April Drizzling Headlines BEAN BED Sometimes the German isn’t the monster. ICE detained a German tourist for sixteen days when he tried to cross into the U.S. from Mexico...only to determine that he was innocent of any wrongdoing other than speaking a ...
The Week’s Most Drooling, Cooling, and April Fooling Headlines CONSTIPATION CAMP Last week saw a Chicago-to-India flight that was forced to abort because the toilets became clogged and feces flooded the aisles. Well, as the old saying goes, it’s feast or famine. Sometimes there’s too much ...
The Week’s Most Boxing, Doxing, and Equinoxing Headlines JET BROWN There’s an old joke about a white man who’s flying from an impoverished African nation. On the plane with him are a bunch of illiterate villagers. As the plane nears its destination, one of the engines flames out. But the ...
The Week’s Most Archy, Starchy, and Ides of Marchy Headlines DOG POUNDED Last week was a complicated one for blacks and dogs. First to Pittsburg. No, not Pittsburgh. That’s in Pennsylvania. Pittsburg is in California, in the San Francisco Bay Area. Pittsburg used to be heavily black, which is ...
