Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Oct 13 2019

The Week’s Swankest, Rankest, and Blankest Headlines IT’S OFFICIAL: THE CHINKS RULE AMERICA The NBA is composed of about 450 extremely tall men, most of

Cultural Caviar

Bernie Sanders

The Week That Perished

Oct 06 2019

The Week’s Sleaziest, Cheesiest, and Queasiest Headlines BERNIE SANDERS FINALLY BLOWS A GASKET It has long been an established fact that not only is Bernie

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Sep 29 2019

The Week’s Most Shocking, Rocking, and Cock-Blocking Headlines BLACK-POWER-FIST-RAISING OLYMPIC ATHLETES FINALLY ADMITTED INTO HALL OF FAME One of the most iconic—don’t you hate that

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Sep 22 2019

The Week’s Pearliest, Whirliest, and Churliest Headlines NEW YORK TIMES: SEXUAL ASSAULT IS NO BIG DEAL
In a move that will shock and traumatize those who

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Sep 15 2019

The Week’s Most Accidental, Detrimental, and Unsentimental Headlines LESBIAN PENGUINS IN LONDON ACCUSED OF RAISING A GENDER-NEUTRAL CHICK As we all know—under threat of death

Cultural Caviar

Jack Dorsey

The Week That Perished

Sep 08 2019

The Week’s Most Solid, Stolid, and Squalid Headlines JACK GETS HACKED: TWITTER CEO’S ACCOUNT PRAISES HITLER, DROPS N-BOMB Jack Dorsey is the CEO of the

Cultural Caviar

Tucker Carlson

The Week That Perished

Sep 01 2019

The Week’s Most Unnecessary, Involuntary, and Unsanitary Headlines TUCKER CARLSON’S RATINGS REMAIN STRONG AFTER HE CALLED WHITE SUPREMACY A “HOAX” Tucker Carlson is the only

Cultural Caviar

Cory Booker


The Week That Perished

Aug 25 2019

The Week’s Most Hedonic, Demonic, and Sardonic Headlines NEW YORK TIMES ANNOUNCES SWITCH OF EDITORIAL FOCUS FROM RUSSIAN COLLUSION HOAX TO WHITE SUPREMACY HOAX We’re

Cultural Caviar

Chris

The Week That Perished

Aug 18 2019

The Week’s Sweatiest, Pettiest, and Readiest Headlines WHY CHRIS CUOMO NEEDS TO LEGALLY CHANGE HIS NAME TO “FREDO” In perhaps what is the most significant

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Aug 11 2019

The Week’s Most Imbecilic, Coprophilic, and Pedophilic Headlines BOY SCOUTS: A NEST OF PEDOS? The Boy Scouts of America are involved in a decades-long attempt

Cultural Caviar

Jeffrey Epstein

The Week That Perished

Aug 04 2019

The Week’s Sickest, Slickest, and Thickest Headlines SEXUAL PSYCHOPATH JEFFREY EPSTEIN WANTS TO SEED THE PLANET WITH HIS JIZZ According to songwriter Burt Bacharach, what

Cultural Caviar

Erica Thomas

The Week That Perished

Jul 28 2019

The Week’s Most Addictive, Constrictive, and Vindictive Headlines FEMALE POLITICIAN’S HATE-CRIME HOAX UNRAVELS QUICKER THAN SHE CAN SCREAM, “RACIST!!!” Erica Thomas is an aggressively dumb

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Ilhan Omar

The Week That Perished

Jul 21 2019

The Week’s Most Candid, Underhanded, and Reprimanded Headlines TRUMP GOES FULL PIRANHA AGAINST COLORED CONGRESSWOMEN Despite the fact that he’s raised the debt and failed

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Jul 14 2019

The Week’s Most Quixotic, Sclerotic, and Unpatriotic Headlines FACEBOOK BANS VIOLENT THREATS UNLESS THE TARGET IS “DANGEROUS” Because violence isn’t violence so long as it’s

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Jul 07 2019

The Week’s Most Chancrous, Rancorous, and Cantankerous Headlines BETSY ROSS DOES NOT REFLECT AMERICA’S VALUES When he isn’t failing as a professional quarterback, the angry,

Cultural Caviar

Vladimir Putin

The Week That Perished

Jun 30 2019

The Week’s Most Foolish, Ghoulish, and Mulish Headlines PUTIN SAYS LIBERALISM IS OBSOLETE There is absolutely no debate that Vladimir Putin is one of the

Cultural Caviar

Sheila Jackson-Lee

The Week That Perished

Jun 23 2019

The Week’s Faggiest, Saggiest, and Naggiest Headlines OH, PLEASE, NOT THIS “REPARATIONS” NONSENSE AGAIN! Since the word “reparations” is derived from the word “repair”—which basically

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Jun 16 2019

The Week’s Most Retarded, Discarded, and Disregarded Headlines OPPRESSION THROUGH DODGEBALL, REDEMPTION THROUGH YOGA It’s highly likely that you are entirely unaware that team sports

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Jun 09 2019

The Week’s Most Acidic, Hasidic, and Druidic Headlines NEW YORK STATE GIVES FREE VIAGRA TO SEX OFFENDERS If you are a convicted rapist living in

Cultural Caviar

John Cleese

The Week That Perished

Jun 02 2019

The Week’s Wormiest, Germiest, and Spermiest Headlines JOHN CLEESE SAYS LONDON IS NO LONGER AN ENGLISH CITY Like everyone who states the obvious these days,

Cultural Caviar

Roosh V

The Week That Perished

May 26 2019

The Week’s Most Busted, Disgusted, and Maladjusted Headlines PICKUP ARTIST SWALLOWS THE “GOD PILL” Daryush Valizadeh—don’t ask us to pronounce it, because we don’t know,

Cultural Caviar

Soph

The Week That Perished

May 19 2019

The Week’s Most Global, Immobile, and Ignoble Headlines YOUTUBE’S 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL COMEDIC GENIUS TAUNTS YOUTUBE EXEC If BuzzFeed’s supremely wormy Joseph Bernstein has a problem

Cultural Caviar

Laura Loomer

The Week That Perished

May 12 2019

The Week’s Most Curious, Furious, and Spurious Headlines LAURA LOOMER CRIES SO HARD ABOUT HER SOCIAL-MEDIA BAN, HER NEW NOSE ALMOST FALLS OFF Whiny Alt-Lite

Cultural Caviar

George Washington

The Week That Perished

May 05 2019

The Week’s Most Dissipated, Obliterated, and Eviscerated Headlines GEORGE WASHINGTON MURAL TRAUMATIZES STUDENTS Nonwhite children at George Washington High School in San Francisco were horrified

Cultural Caviar

Kate Smith

The Week That Perished

Apr 28 2019

The Week’s Most Perverted, Diverted, and Disconcerted Headlines SPORTS TEAMS BAN KATE SMITH FOR “PICKANINNY” AND “DARKIES” SONGS Kate Smith was a fat white woman

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Apr 21 2019

The Week’s Most Defamatory, Inflammatory, and Confirmatory Headlines IS FRANCE BURNING? One needed the sentience of a rock to be able to ignore the deep