The Week’s Most Salian, Antithalian, and Bacchanalian Headlines THE TOKYO CANCELYMPICS Please welcome the comedy team of Abbott and Kosato: Kosato: “These are not Orympics. These are CANCERYMPICS.” Abbott: “Olympics for people with cancer?” Kosato: “NO! Not ‘cancerympics.’ ...
The Week’s Most Higgling, Niggling, and Wiggling Headlines PLEASE ROCK HAMMER DON’T HURT ’EM I must admit, I didn’t think much of Andy Dufresne the first time I laid eyes on him. Looked like a stiff breeze would blow him over. That was my first impression of the man. Andy kept pretty much ...
The Week’s Most Flailing, Bewailing, and Smooth-Sailing Headlines WACKY IRAQI HAS A FEW SCREWS LOOSE(IFER) It’s hard to believe that London was once a city in which the greatest risk its inhabitants faced was insomnia caused by the odd ghost or two showing up at all hours to lecture about the ...
The Week’s Most Erratic, Phlegmatic, and Morganatic Headlines BEVERLY HILLS FLOP It was the brazen daytime robbery that froze Beverly Hills in its tracks. Last March, a trio of thugs descended upon an outdoor dining patio in the city’s ritzy shopping district in an attempt to rob a local ...
The Week’s Most Flummering, Mummering, and Summering Headlines DARK SIDE OF THE GOON The leftist war on sunlight continues! Last year, lefties in politics, the media, and (pseudo)science scoffed at the idea that sunshine was good for people under lockdown, and possibly even beneficial against ...
The Week’s Most Pedantic, Bacchantic, and Sycophantic Headlines ZULU DAWN OF THE DEAD Two months ago The Week That Perished featured the madcap tale of Lindani Myeni, a Zulu prince from the Kwazulu-Natal province in South Africa whose Coming to America story ended in bloodshed and death yet ...
The Week’s Most Soniferous, Maliferous, and Pestiferous Headlines FATHER BIDEN CELEBRATES MASS(ACRE) Only suckas, rubes, and racists observed Memorial Day last weekend. Thanks to President Biden, the evil reign of that right-wing militarist “holiday” has finally ended, supplanted by a new ...
The Week’s Most Malicious, Flagitious, and Unpropitious Headlines HAMBURGLARS AND FLIMFLAMBURGLARS There have been many theories bandied about in recent months to explain the current explosion in violent crime hitting America’s big cities. Some pundits have pointed to the defunding and ...
The Week’s Most Sagacious, Temptatious, and Vexatious Headlines THE CHEETO BANDITO It’s a fine Saturday afternoon in Los Angeles’ historic Olvera Street shopping district. Your craving for Mexican food has brought you to the Downtown location, because—following L.A.’s Food Service ...
The Week’s Most Idyllic, Sibyllic, and Nyctophilic Headlines JUNETEENTH IS BUSTIN’ OUT ALL OVER It’s getting harder and harder to keep up with all the black-themed “holidays” each year. Already we’ve had MLK Day (Jan. 18), Black History Month (February), Rosa Parks Day (Feb. 4), Black ...
