Joe Biden

News

The Week That Perished

How many more deadly viruses and insects will it take before we as a nation realize that Asians don’t like us?

News

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Pneumonic, Teutonic, and Demonic Headlines ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ: WO...
Bob Dylan

News

The Week That Perished

If you’ve learned anything from the coronavirus pandemic, you should have at least learned that the world is stuffed to the rafters with know-it-alls who don’t know anything.

H. Rap Brown

News

The Week That Perished

The European mainstream understands perfectly that supporting immigration will harm Europe, which is precisely why they support it.

President Trump

News

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Dyspeptic, Antiseptic, and Narcoleptic Headlines IS CORONAVIRUS THE BES...

News

The Week That Perished

It’s more likely that in Iran, the coronavirus will spread through the shrine-licking Muslim’s body rather than any of Allah’s wisdom.

Ilhan Omar

News

The Week That Perished

In case you were unaware—or, more likely, you were so keenly aware that you decided it was wise to keep your mouth shut decades ago, which is why you still have a job and aren’t homeless or in federal prison—we’re currently trapped in a culture that is so suffocatingly hostile toward dissenting opinions that it makes Pol Pot look like a free-speech absolutist.

Francisco Franco

News

The Week That Perished

Socialists believe in equality and that all disparities in performance are due to hatred and greed rather than disparities in ability, which is supremely dumb.

News

The Week That Perished

China—birthplace of the coronavirus and the place where it was possibly invented—is a nation of 1.4 billion people, roughly three of whom are free to speak their mind at any given time.

Amber Heard

News

The Week That Perished

At this point, it’s safer never to open your mouth. Just let everyone else yell at you, and we’ll all live happily ever after.

Michael Bloomberg

News

The Week That Perished

Did you ever get the sense that half of the world sees a completely different world than you do?

Vince Vaughn

News

The Week That Perished

If the Times actually practiced journalism instead of peddling ideology, they would realize that to qualify as a “white nationalist,” much less an “open” one, someone would have had to have said, at least once in their 70+ years, something along the lines of “I desire an all-white nation.”

News

The Week That Perished

Ricky Gervais is a British comedian who strikes us as effeminate, but that might be because all British males strike us as effeminate.

Major General Qassem Soleimani

News

The Week That Perished

We suggest they rename it Suck My Dixie Highway and deal with Florida’s innumerable real-life problems.

Robert De Niro

News

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Crustiest, Rustiest, and Mustiest Headlines ROBERT DE NIRO EXPRESSES WEIRD S...
President Donald Trump

News

The Week That Perished

They started screaming about miscounted votes, but when the votes were recounted, he had still won.

Greta Thunberg

News

The Week That Perished

The company’s net value is around $30 billion, so naturally they identify with the struggles of the oppressed.

News

The Week That Perished

Because it’s 2019, people are naturally looking for ways to depict Santa and his elves as Hitler and the SS.

Sacha Baron Cohen

News

The Week That Perished

Even though she apparently lacks even a droplet of charisma, Miz Ara was slated to give a speech about, oh, vaginas and art or something at Oxford Brookes University until some perpetually aggrieved casualty of gender dysphoria caught wind of the fact that Ara might as well be Hitler for embracing such a debunked, hateful, and dangerous idea as “women are women.”

News

The Week That Perished

A new promotional video by the state’s security agency depicts atheism, homosexuality, and feminism as “extremist ideas” that deserve derision, scorn, shunning, humiliation, torture, and, what the hell, decapitation.


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