The Week’s Brainiest, Grainiest, and Zaniest Headlines EINSTEIN: NO FRIEND OF THE CHINAMAN Albert Einstein was an extremely smart mathematician whose theories helped lead to the ...

The Week’s Dustiest, Mustiest, and Fustiest Headlines SUPREME COURT: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BAKE THAT GAY CAKE AFTER ALL Bad news for people who insist on a constitutional right to ...

The Week’s Most Uptight, Impolite, and Dynamite Headlines JUDGE ORDERS PRESS BLACKOUT OVER TOMMY ROBINSON ARREST Tanning salon owner, English Defence League founder and ...

The Week’s Most Boring, Soaring, and Adoring Headlines CENSUS: NEARLY A QUARTER OF AMERICANS OVER AGE FIVE DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH AT HOME If you count the illegal aliens who come ...

The Week’s Most Alien, Mammalian, and Sesquipedalian Headlines BLACK WRITER SETS ODDS ON WHEN TRUMP WILL FINALLY SAY THE “N-WORD” Michael Harriot is a black man who writes ...

The Week’s Most Predatory, Statutory, and Transitory Headlines IS NEW YORK’S ATTORNEY GENERAL A RACIST, WOMAN-BEATING SEXUAL PREDATOR? New York State Attorney Eric ...

The Week’s Surliest, Burliest, and Girliest Headlines CELEBRATING MARX IN SPITE OF HISTORY “Those who do not remember history are doomed to repeat it,” wrote philosopher ...

The Week’s Most Overweight, Reprobate, and Boilerplate Headlines A PIG CALLED RANDA The first thing you notice when looking at a picture of Randa Jarrar is that she is extremely ...

The Week’s Yuckiest, Suckiest, and Starbuckiest Headlines BLACK PEOPLE GO TO STARBUCKS? In a racially charged story that has shocked our fractured and bleeding nation to its ...

The Week’s Most Agonized, Balkanized, and Compromised Headlines REPORT: “CHILD” REFUGEES LIED ABOUT THEIR AGE It is not paranoid to suggest that the current “refugee ...

The Week’s Most Perverted, Subverted, and Disconcerted Headlines IS JIMMY KIMMEL A CLOSET HOMO? For nearly three years now, our late-night comedians have eschewed comedy in the ...

The Week’s Most Sclerotic, Neurotic, and Robotic Headlines DERSHOWITZ: LEAVE DONALD ALONE! Celebrity lawyer Alan Dershowitz—who, to our knowledge, has never been employed ...

The Week’s Most Coercive, Discursive, and Subversive Headlines STUDENTS MARCH ON D.C., DEMANDING GOVERNMENT KEEP ITS OWN GUNS AND TAKE EVERYONE ELSE’S On Saturday in ...

The Week’s Muddiest, Cruddiest, and Bloodiest Headlines HILLARY CLINTON: STILL FALLING, STILL CAN’T GET UP As everyone who isn’t an incorrigible, woman-hating, ...

The Week’s Loopiest, Droopiest, and Poopiest Headlines REFUSING TO DISAVOW FARRAKHAN Born Louis Eugene Walcott 84 years ago in the Bronx, the man known and beloved by millions ...

The Week’s Thickest, Slickest, and Sickest Headlines SOUTH AFRICA TO WHITE FARMERS: SHUT UP AND GIVE US YOUR LAND South Africa is a magical land of nonpareil beauty with ...