The Week’s Most Hellacious, Sebaceous, and Mendacious Headlines THE MOST UPTIGHT HALLOWEEN EVER This year’s All Hallow’s Eve brought with it yet another ...

The Week's Most Criminal, Subliminal, and Aboriginal Headlines TRIUMPH OF THE LEECHES According to recently released Census Bureau data, more Americans received means-tested ...

The Week’s Most Incredible, Inedible, and Regrettable Headlines POLITICS: GOVERNMENT REOPENS, RESUMES OVERSPENDING The federal government reopened for business last week ...

The Week’s Most Quirky, Jerky, and Twerky Headlines CONGRESS: LESS POPULAR THAN HEMORRHOIDS It has been two weeks since the inaction of an obstinately squabbling Congress ...

The Week’s Most Inspirational, Sensational, and Confrontational Headlines PSYCHOSIS ON THE POTOMAC Washington, DC, currently in a state of partial suspended animation ...

The Week's Most Bloody, Gutty, and Nutty ...

It is rumored that in winning the crown, Campbell beat out several contestants who actually have ...

The Week’s Most Spurious, Notorious, and Vainglorious Headlines BIKERS v. MUSLIMS IN D.C. In what may disappoint readers who enjoy the occasional outburst of large-scale ...

The Week’s Most Felonious, Euphonious, and Sanctimonious Headlines CRIME BLOTTER: GUNFIGHT AT THE VIOLENCE AIN’T O.K. CORRAL Gunfire erupted during an anti-violence ...

The Week’s Most Insane, Profane, and Inhumane Headlines THE DELUSION THAT MISTOOK ITSELF FOR A DREAM Commemorating the half-century since MLK’s 1963 March on ...

The Week’s Most Scurrilous, Querulous, and Perilous Headlines SPORTS: WHERE POLE VAULTING MEETS POLE SMOKING Simply because the issue of whether or not an athlete enjoys ...

The Week’s Most Scabrous, Fantabulous, and Cadaverous Headlines SWISS CHOCOLATE AND MELTED CHEESE Billionaire fat black lady Oprah Winfrey and psychotic male feminist Hugo ...

The Week’s Most Aggravating, Exasperating, and Humiliating Headlines Public shaming was a psychological cornerstone of communist societies. Although framed as ...

The Week’s Most Lascivious, Invidious, and Ridiculous Headlines GOMORRAH IN THE WEST, SODOM IN THE EAST Pterodactyl-faced ex-Congressman and Big Apple mayoral hopeful ...

The Week’s Most Scintillating, Titillating, and Debilitating Headlines THE DEATH OF HELEN THOMAS Former UPI journalist Helen Thomas, who seems to have personally monitored ...

The week’s most inflammatory, defamatory, and masturbatory headlines 1. “TWEET, TWEET,” SAID THE STOOL PIGEON Twitter, the premier website for the world’s ...