The Week’s Sweatiest, Pettiest, and Readiest Headlines WHY CHRIS CUOMO NEEDS TO LEGALLY CHANGE HIS NAME TO “FREDO” In perhaps what is the most significant event for the Italian-American community since Sylvester Stallone decided ...

The Week’s Most Imbecilic, Coprophilic, and Pedophilic Headlines BOY SCOUTS: A NEST OF PEDOS? The Boy Scouts of America are involved in a decades-long attempt to conceal a “pedophilia epidemic within their organization,” ...

The Week’s Sickest, Slickest, and Thickest Headlines SEXUAL PSYCHOPATH JEFFREY EPSTEIN WANTS TO SEED THE PLANET WITH HIS JIZZ According to songwriter Burt Bacharach, what the world needs now is love, sweet love; according to ...

The Week’s Most Addictive, Constrictive, and Vindictive Headlines FEMALE POLITICIAN’S HATE-CRIME HOAX UNRAVELS QUICKER THAN SHE CAN SCREAM, “RACIST!!!” Erica Thomas is an aggressively dumb and juvenile black woman in Georgia ...

The Week’s Most Candid, Underhanded, and Reprimanded Headlines TRUMP GOES FULL PIRANHA AGAINST COLORED CONGRESSWOMEN Despite the fact that he’s raised the debt and failed to build a wall and has proved to be Israel’s bitch, ...

The Week’s Most Quixotic, Sclerotic, and Unpatriotic Headlines FACEBOOK BANS VIOLENT THREATS UNLESS THE TARGET IS “DANGEROUS” Because violence isn’t violence so long as it’s directed at someone who’s evil, Facebook recently ...

The Week’s Most Chancrous, Rancorous, and Cantankerous Headlines BETSY ROSS DOES NOT REFLECT AMERICA’S VALUES When he isn’t failing as a professional quarterback, the angry, big-nosed mulatto known as Colin Kaepernick likes to ...

The Week’s Most Foolish, Ghoulish, and Mulish Headlines PUTIN SAYS LIBERALISM IS OBSOLETE There is absolutely no debate that Vladimir Putin is one of the world’s sexiest men, with not only a net worth that dwarfs that of Donald ...